To not really care if DP looks at porn?

[Zaphiro]

Obviously I would if it was an addiction, stopping him from doing other things or affecting our sex life. But the occasional browse when we're apart really doesn't bother me. AIBU?

But I DON'T blame men. I blame the sex industry. Which I believe damages men and boys as much as it does girls and women.

But enough. The thing about banging your head against a brick wall is it feels nice when you stop

Well sexual exploitation of children does happen ...use of webcams and mobile phones to record young women drunk being coerced into sexual activity is a massive issue right now especially in schools and colleges.

It a fact

Lots of porn is unbareably grim especially eastern European stuff ...those women have little real 'choice'

People say anything to convince themselves that THEY are not doing harm ...they are mainly wrong

The obsession amoungst girls for big tots, designer Virginias and no pubes speaks volumes

I feel like the best way to counter that is through lobbying (for things like stricter filters and accountability from ISPs, and stricter prison sentences for rapists, traffickers, abuses, etc). Someone earlier mentioned the risk involved: to me, the risk that an occasional view of heterosexual vaginal sex on a free, largely amateur site is rape is quite low.

FWIW my DP doesn't watch porn and actually has quite strong anti-porn views. I have probably looked at it five times in ten years, mostly out of curiosity.

highbrow good post

xmascow WTF?!?!?

Porn is vile. Full stop end of story. Innocent people get hurt/caught up in it and are abused.

Nothing to add really except that I think it is sad that for some women being liberated means watching porn and justifying it. and

Oh and I posted after reading some threads on Relationships where women are really, really upset by their partners looking at porn. Which made me think about it.

Zaphiro, why then would you start a post about how you wouldn't mind if you partner viewed porn if he is actually anti-porn?

Your views seem to change. Firstly you said it wasn't paid porn but amateur porn you viewed, then you said that most of your friends viewed it for free and now you are saying that your partner is anti-porn?

Why did you start this thread if your partner doesn't even watch porn? Just wanted a morning of entertainment?

I'm out now, I have better things to do than provide entertainment for bored Mumsnetters.

He's anti-porn in that he doesn't habitually watch it and doesn't particularly like it. He has watched it before though, quite a lot, with an ex who did like it. The porn watched by my contemporaries is free and mostly amateur (online streaming sites like YouPorn). It looks amateur to me anyway, in my limited experience.

Of course my views are changing, that's the point of posting, so I can consider other people's opinions!

I started the thread because I was surprised by how upset some posters are when they 'discover' their DHs watch porn. I didn't feel I'd care. I was wondering if that was unreasonable, or if others felt the same.

"He's anti-porn in that he doesn't habitually watch it and doesn't particularly like it."

That isn't what anit-porn is, mate.

Well done on the wind-up, though...

Have some of you even looked at porn? I think people make sweeping assumptions without even knowing the worst of it. Andrea Dworkin wrote 'pornography' years ago but she actually described what porn is, in detail as so many people think they know what it is. It is even more extreme than ever.

Hard core porn is horrific. The very worst degradation. Not all men will watch the most extreme stuff but it is all part of the same industry. Additionally many men will quickly tire of what they are watching and seek out more extreme porn over time.

Anecdotally the evidence that young men seek to act out watch they watch is massive. Young women tell me that threesomes, anal sex and men ejaculating in your face is accepted practice. That amazes me and makes me fear for my DD.

It's not a wind-up! It's been interesting to hear the different viewpoints though, especially from THERhubarb on censorship. I hadn't made the distinction in my mind about paying before either.

nellyjelly in my student house of four girls in relationships,I was the only one who hadn't done anal. The others loved it, openly. Of those couples two are still together five years on, both engaged. If they like it, who is to say that's wrong?

It depends what your question is really OP. Do you think people object to their partner watching something titilating and masturbating or that it is the porn they object to?

I do not object to the former but I do the latter. The turn on material DH watches is not exploitative and no one is harmed so I don't mind. I would mind very much if it was porn.

Oh and nellyjelly most women in my peer group have had threesomes or group sex and anal. Not to do with porn, just experimenting with things. None have felt pressured to do it either. However, I do feel for younger women now, the culture of sexual exploitation seems to be getting much worse.

Twenty years ago going topless was standard practice on a European beach. You don't see it so much because woemns bodies have become so sexualised. Certainly you used to get the odd letchy look but you were at perfect liberty to yell "oi look away perv". I think you would be considered fair game today.

I don't get the girl wanking off in the library either. How many women is that actually a fantasy for?

I guess my question is the former: objecting to one's partner viewing it, not its existence.

Can we get a guest from the porn industry to bombard with questions?

I don't understand that if the industry is horrified by so called demands for graphic hardcore demoralising porn they don't just say, you have a problem, go see someone and feck off, we have standards?

I don't object to people wanting threesomes, anal etc, just that there is pressure to want it. When I was a girl, this stuff just was n't common. Also I am talking really young women who feel pressure to conform to this, not the age groups you are suggesting.

pixi2 yes! That would be great. I think you'd need more than one person though representing different areas.

nellyjelly could it not be argued that this has probably always been a fear, and people would once have felt the same about blow jobs and doggy style? I expect young people (esp women) have always been at risk of being pressured when it comes to sex.

Sorry OP that's not what I meant. My question was, is your question whether you object to your partner watching something titilating (not porn) which they wank over? Or whether the question was whether you object to your partner watching porn - not because you mind them getting turned on about other things, but because you mind them getting turned on by porn?

I think you are debating this from a position of knowing your partner is not really that keen on it.

So you feel rather smug inside your world, so can feel quite safe to have a hypothetical debate about it.

I'm not fussed about dh watching porn, don't know if he does. I have done though and like certain types, particularly amateur where the pleasure is real!

As for exploitation, degradation etc really can't decide as I feel there are many grey areas in a complex industry ranging from full consent and enjoyment to forced participation.

I don't think it is fair to say dh is a horrible statistic

If you feel OK with your decision, why ask us?

I remember finding porn on an ex-boyfriend's computer. It was violent or extreme, but the girl was very young. She could have looked younger than she was, but if I had to guess she was around 15/16. You never got to see the man at all (apart from the relevant 'bits') and it was uncomfortable viewing. I watched a minute or so and then confronted him about it. Suffice to say we broke up a few days later.

I know there are variations in the severity of porn OP, but tbh I've never seen any which didn't make me feel sorry for the women involved. I admit to not having seen much and nothing hard core, but even the 'softer' stuff makes me feel uncomfortable.

Sorry, I meant to say 'it wasn't violent or extreme'