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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not really care if DP looks at porn?

161 replies

Zaphiro · 25/02/2013 10:49

Obviously I would if it was an addiction, stopping him from doing other things or affecting our sex life. But the occasional browse when we're apart really doesn't bother me. AIBU?

OP posts:
THERhubarb · 25/02/2013 12:09

It's also a fact that due to regulations, paid porn actresses are less likely to be abused on film due to signing consent forms than amateur porn actresses because there is no regulation within the amateur porn industry so there is a higher chance of you watching someone who is either being filmed without their consent or is being abused.

xmascow · 25/02/2013 12:12

yeah of course she was forced into it. People need to start realising that some women choose to do things like that. I dont know why, maybe the find it empowering.

MarmaladeTwatkins · 25/02/2013 12:12

Jeez, I've answered your question about this library video that you're so concerned about. Now you're shifting the goalposts and saying something else. Women uploading videos of themselves masturbating aren't commonplace when searching for porn. I'm not sure where you're going with this?

Bloody hell. You'd expect to argue the toss (no pun intended) over this subject with men. It's fucking sad and a bit grim when there are women vehemently defending the right of men to watch porn. They really do have us where they want us, don't they? :(

THERhubarb · 25/02/2013 12:13

Or even worse - is underage.

But you carry on watching your free porn, don't you worry about those issues, so long as you aren't directly affected eh?

MarmaladeTwatkins · 25/02/2013 12:13

"I dont know why, maybe the find it empowering."

Oh God. I knew it was coming...

xmascow · 25/02/2013 12:14

im arguing about it as people are implying here that all women who go into porn are exploited, forced into it etc.

Basically thats a load crap. Someone women choose to do it wether we like it or not

VisualiseAHorse · 25/02/2013 12:14

Wouldn't bother me really - unless it was dodgy porn, or having a bad effect on our own sex life.

Original poster
Zaphiro · 25/02/2013 12:15

THERhubarb I would wholly support a porn filter as standard, with an opt-out clause, as would my DP and friends. Where's that statistic from, out of interest? As someone without children, I would opt out, but I'd support a default filter and would have it in place if my laptop were ever used by children.

OP posts:
THERhubarb · 25/02/2013 12:16

So how old was this woman pleasuring herself? Could you tell how old she was? What about all the other women, how old are they?

Do you honestly think that amateur porn is regulated? Haven't you listened to the news recently? About young girls being persuaded to upload videos of themselves which are then uploaded onto such sites by boys. It causes huge amounts of distress and the videos are copied so they can never take them all down.

A woman masturbating in a library eh? Could just have easily been a schoolgirl in a school library doing so for her boyfriend so then uploaded it to bully her.

That's ok is it?

You deluded fool.

millie30 · 25/02/2013 12:16

How do those of you who watch so called amateur porn know that consent was freely given for the film to be broadcast on the internet? There are so many 'what ifs', such as women being bullied into making films with their boyfriends, to having a spiteful ex post something that was supposed to be private online after a break up. How could anyone get their jollies to this knowing there are so many possibilities of exploitation or abuse?

PeppermintPasty · 25/02/2013 12:16

I'm sure some women do choose to do it, but please read the article Rhubarb posted by the woman in the porn industry. She chose to do it, hurrah for her right to choose eh?

SigmundFraude · 25/02/2013 12:16

Oh OP. Prepare yourself for 40 pages, detailing why YABU. Get your 'click link' finger ready (to view the completely unbiased views/statistics of completely unbiased groups Wink).

Dissenters (the 'my DP/H watches and I'm not bothered' camp) will fall by the wayside by about page 8. Then it will be a predictable discussion, where 10 or so posters will completely agree that 'ALL women are forced into porn' and fill up the rest of the thread.

The occasional lone voice will pop up, but will be swiftly dispatched, the fools.

I could be wrong Smile

Tee2072 · 25/02/2013 12:16

Exactly. So long as I am not directly affected. You have your never ending RadFem agenda and nothing else matters to you.

You feel free to think and believe whatever you want, I am going to continue to view porn and enjoy it.

Bored now. Bye.

PeppermintPasty · 25/02/2013 12:17

And thank you THERhubarb, for posting such informative stuff.

MarmaladeTwatkins · 25/02/2013 12:18

No. No-one has said ALL women that go into this are exploited. Please read what we have posted.

We have said MANY women are exploited and you, as the punter, cannot tell WHO has been exploited.

One could argue that all women in porn films are exploited if we are talking exploited in all its senses...

THERhubarb · 25/02/2013 12:18

Zaphiro the statistic was from the questionnaire compiled by the cross section of MPs in 2012 when looking into the issue of porn filters and the effects of porn on children. So they are official stats.

Can I remind you Zaphiro that the porn you are viewing is not regulated at all. So you don't know the ages of the participants, they have not signed consent forms and there are no safeguards in place. Please be aware of that.

xmascow · 25/02/2013 12:18

but it wasnt a school girl she was an adult. It was in the papers some time last year. She was a college student in america so over 18.

You are still missing the point im making. Some women do this because they choose to and you can keep in your little hole and think all porn stars are forced into.

sneezingwakesthebaby · 25/02/2013 12:18

xmascow, the point is how do you know either way? You don't. The fact is that she could be forced/taken advantage of/off her head on drugs and you won't know. Even if she did choose to do it there's a range of reasons other than empowerment that could have contributed to that choice. Lack of money, mental illness etc. Also, the very fact she could find it empowering is a result of the way society is porn obsessed. If porn wasn't everywhere, why would a woman find sharing her body for porn empowering?

PeppermintPasty · 25/02/2013 12:19

I'm not RadFem. Not everyone who opposes porn is.

As ever, there's a good deal of loud humming whilst sticking fingers in ears. No one is listening to anyone else.

xmascow · 25/02/2013 12:20

I just think its a very unhealthy view to label people who do porn as all being forced into it/exploited. Personally i dont use porn but i dont judge people who do

Phosphene · 25/02/2013 12:21

My partner watches porn and I don't mind it as long as it is not excessive and anything weird (rape, incest, teens..). I watched the odd classic
too and don't see any harm.

PeppermintPasty · 25/02/2013 12:21

I should have said-whatever radfem is?? -(a condescending term used to tar everyone with the same brush where a poster does not like what they are hearing). Ah yes.

sneezingwakesthebaby · 25/02/2013 12:22

I don't think anybody labelled everyone in porn as being forced. They just pointed out that the women COULD be and there's no way of knowing for sure when you are watching a random amateur clip.

THERhubarb · 25/02/2013 12:24

What utter selfish talk Tee.

As for biased opinions - ok so I'm linking to blogs written by ex-porn stars, to the Guardian, the Telegraph, an official Police document in the US and Newsbeat - silly me, I guess all of those sites are biased! Yet Tee links to one IT blog which claims that the porn industry "helped" speed up internet technology but that isn't biased is it not? Would you say that was an official source of information? Trustworthy? Reliable?

As I said, the selfish ones just want to carry on watching and enjoying porn. They won't listen to a word anyone else says because they are in denial. To them porn is full of happy, enlightened women who love their jobs, the porn industry itself gives so much to the community and amateur porn is full of happy smiley couples and individuals who just want to share their desires to the world for free.

Forget issues about women and child trafficking. Forget issues about drugs and criminality. Forget issues about abuse. Forget issues about children being bullied online and having sexual videos and images posted without their consent. Forget all of that and more so long as you and your partner can have a good wank to it all.

rodandtheemu · 25/02/2013 12:24

Personally I dont like it. It DOES degrade the female body. Some of the videos out there are down right illigal and disturbing. Some of these girls MUST be mentally ill to be subjected to some of the actrocites.

How can young men grow up to respect them selfs and the lady they are with when they have been watching fake accounts of what making love is about. What low self esteem these young girls must have?

How can Teenage Mandy sucks *ock be healthy? I wonder if the men and women who watch these wouldnt mind if it was there daughters starring in them?

I have how ever filmed me and Dp making love ( along time ago!)