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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hide a little warning note to MIL when she comes to babysit tomorrow?

945 replies

Wheresmygalaxy · 08/02/2013 21:49

Tomorrow will be the 3rd time MIL has come to babysit for us since our son was born, hes 7 months.

The 1st time dp and I went to ikea and when we returned she was prattling on and on about applying for child tax credits, all about how wonderful sil is eligible for them but doesnt claim - good for her, thought it was an odd topic but she is odd Smile

so the next time she babysit upon our return she was now gabbering on about which local hospital is the best to go to, she didnt like the one i gave birth in and made it well known that it wasnt as good as the 1 her friends daughter went to, so again im thinking what on earth is she on about. Then after she had gone i opened a drawer in my bedside table only to find my next hospital appt check up letter was in there and it was clearly obvious that she had gone through it while i was out. I find this just really odd i know shes really nosey but to go through of all the things in the house my bedside drawer i just found weird. She has mentioned other things that have made me think how does she even know that but having put 2 and 2 together its clear shes snooping around while were out. I love her for coming to babysit, shes giving up her time but that doesnt mean come in and go through my things does it!

I mentioned it to DP nad he said yep she always used to do it to him and his sister growing up and in fact continued to clean their rooms up until the ages of 21 and 24 when they finally left home (believe me ive shared my views on that alone since i found out Hmm ).

so aibu to write a note something along the lines of "get out you nosey old cow" on a piece of paper. or something a bit more dramatic like some retirement home brochures with her name at the top Grin

OP posts:
FruOla · 11/02/2013 09:10

Oh, and should there ever be a next time, she will probably be on her guard not to say anything about any paperwork/correspondence or the colour of your knickers - and I agree that would be the time for the glitter bomb Grin

Quilty · 11/02/2013 09:10

Well maybe now that she knows she's been well and truly caught red handed plus the fact that she won't be baby sitting any time soon will make her re-think her behaviour. Can only try to be optimistic in this sort of situation! At least you now have a very strong argument not have her alone in your house anymore!

LiveItUp · 11/02/2013 09:12

Oh well done, sounds like you did brilliantly. Hopefully the snooping old cow has learnt her lesson but I still wouldn't trust her alone in my home. If you won't have her alone in the house, the person responsible for causing that is HER, not you, so don't let blame for any rift be placed on your shoulders. And why a rift anyway - surely she can still visit when you're there, and you to hers etc, just pay for a proper babysitter when you go out. Babysitting your DCs in the evening is hardly time spent with the DGC anyway as they're in bed!

senua · 11/02/2013 09:13

dp and i argued a bit when we got back but only as i had told him i couldnt trust her in my house alone again, and he said that would cause a huge family rift

Well done to DP for confronting her but he still doesn't really get it, does he? Do you want to re-visit this conversation when everyone has calmed down and make him realise that MIL kicking off a huge family rift will have been causd by her, not you two.

Are you going to speak to uncle and get your side of the story in, before MIL does.

DeafLeopard · 11/02/2013 09:16

OMG Galaxy she just gets worse.

The drinking would be a deal breaker for me.

Glad that your DP realises how invasive her snooping is.

Buzzardbird · 11/02/2013 09:25

Thanks for the update OP, we can all get on with our lives now Grin

Rowanhart · 11/02/2013 09:30

While I've read this thread with amusement, I think the whole thing is getting out of hand. It now appears you set up DMIL so you could get her out of your lives. If you feel so strongly about her and her drinking, why would you have let her babysit on the first place?

Don't forget your DH loves his mum and by causing a massive rift you will be hurting him too.

You've won. She won't be snooping again. You've made her look a fool. No need to make this any bigger than it is already.

BelindaCarlisle · 11/02/2013 09:32

i thought a bit sad latterly, as I am sure the OP did.

Wonder if she should have been encouraged so much,

dawntigga · 11/02/2013 09:33

Op, I've got a pdf for making a spring loaded glitter bomb (I went looking after reading the thread) but it is very complicated and requires a drill. This may be more glitter bomb than you need Wink

I'd take the top off a party popper fill it with glitter leaving (the streamers inside as well) then pop the top back on tape/glue one end to the inside of the drawer front and the string to the top of the drawer iyswim when the drawer opens bang! And glitter. I may have spent to much time thinking about this.

EvilIsAGiftTiggaxx

bootsycollins · 11/02/2013 09:33

Galaxy I applaud thee Grin well handled, please please please don't forget to tell us everything if you decide to do the glitter bomb Smile

cheeseandpineapple · 11/02/2013 09:34

Galaxy, you've orchestrated the perfect exposure and completely kept the moral high ground with your DP and his family. Well done you cunning fox!

MIL might suspect she was set up but there's no way she can prove it unless she or someone else from the family is on MN, which seems highly unlikely but if you're worried, get this thread deleted (people won't thank me for suggesting this, we've all been hooked!).

You can now justifiably tell Your DP you want a lock on your bedroom door to use when she's over. She and DP might not like it but you've proved she is a snoop and she can't be trusted -if you can't compromise with DP on whether to trust her alone in the house at least you can insist on safeguarding your privacy.

As for the drinking well that's a very tricky one. Would avoid having her to babysit, without necessarily telling her or DP that you refuse to let her, just make sure your mum or someone you trust can babysit for you and if they can't, cancel your plans or tell DP to go instead. Trust your instinct on whether, snooping aside, you trust her to babysit your DS alone.

bootsycollins · 11/02/2013 09:36

I don't think it'll change nosy mil's ways at all, Galaxy has no reason to feel bad.

aufaniae · 11/02/2013 09:40

I also think you need to tread really carefully here.

Is your intention to write your MIL out of your life? If so does your DH know this?

There's no doubt she was wrong for snooping through your stuff and this needs to be addressed.

If she's drinking while looking after your DS this also needs to be addressed.

This has the potential to cause a huge rift, and while your MIL is obviously in the wrong to have snooped, you can affect what happens next and ideally that's for your family to have a positive relationship with your MIL, not none at all, isn't it?

BelindaCarlisle · 11/02/2013 09:42

oh fgs with glitter bomb.

How hurtful

Theicingontop · 11/02/2013 09:47

I don't think a glitter bomb would be taking it too far at all, let's not forget that MIL would have to be snooping again to fall prey to it.

After all this being brought into the open, she'd deserve it if she did it again.

FruOla · 11/02/2013 09:48

She can't lock the bedroom door cheeseandpineapple, their DS still sleeps in there hence MIL having to go in there in the first place.

senua · 11/02/2013 09:51

I also think you need to tread really carefully here.

Why? Are you sugestng thay she should carry on the famy tradition of pussy-footing around MIL and pandering to her

senua · 11/02/2013 09:54

Grr. I pressed 'preview' not 'post'

angrytree · 11/02/2013 09:57

Hurtful?? To whom, Belinda?

manicbmc · 11/02/2013 09:57

The thing is, Aufaniae, the mil still doesn't think she has done anything wrong. She doesn't see why she shouldn't be drinking whilst babysitting. She has no concept of why the snooping is wrong. If she did it would be a non-issue because she wouldn't have done it.

The OP has a right to not have her things searched through and questioned in her own home and she is damn right to not want her child exposed to someone who has the capacity to drink like a fish when she is babysitting.

The only person in this who is potentially causing a rift is the mil. Everyone else is being reasonable.

MrsPennyapple · 11/02/2013 09:58

I don't think the OP wants the MIL out of her life - just out of her knicker drawer. Which I think is fair enough. The drinking whilst babysitting would clinch it for me too.

angrytree · 11/02/2013 10:01

To all those going on about OP's actions causing a huge rift in the family - there already is a rift! MIL is a liar and a snoop who can't be trusted to respect other peoples' privacy, and OP now has proof of this. Just because MIL refuses to acknowledge it, doesn't mean it isn't there!

NotADragonOfSoup · 11/02/2013 10:04

How is the glitter bomb hurtful? All the MIL has to do is not snoop in people's bedroom drawers.

EyesCrossedLegsAkimbo · 11/02/2013 10:08

The problem will continue. MIL did not apologise as she thinks she did not do wrong, if it's not wrong to riffle through OPs knickers then why shouldn't she do it again?

As for the drinking, just because she left a cider bottle behind doesn't mean she didn't take a half empty bottle of vodka home with her.

tinkerbelle31 · 11/02/2013 10:10

Wheresmygalaxy glitter bombs that you are thinking of require alot of details and equipment such as comressed air,screws and the like,

Here are some different ideas that you dont have to just save for mil, remember the ol' bucket of water above the door! exchange water for glitter and maybes a card board box(less chance of injury) instead of a bucket, place above every door that she isn't supposed to enter.

Cling film over the tops of every drawer she isn't allowed in she would have to rip though it to be nosey then with a note saying "there is nothing you need in here move along"

You can also buy boxes of crickets to hide in places she shouldnt be nosey best leave them in the box though they are lil buggers to catch keeping them in the fridge keeps them chilled out till it's time to use them.

I dont have a mother in law thankfully, but I am an evil genius inspired when it comes to pranks if you want any more ideas prank wise just ask have fun