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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hide a little warning note to MIL when she comes to babysit tomorrow?

945 replies

Wheresmygalaxy · 08/02/2013 21:49

Tomorrow will be the 3rd time MIL has come to babysit for us since our son was born, hes 7 months.

The 1st time dp and I went to ikea and when we returned she was prattling on and on about applying for child tax credits, all about how wonderful sil is eligible for them but doesnt claim - good for her, thought it was an odd topic but she is odd Smile

so the next time she babysit upon our return she was now gabbering on about which local hospital is the best to go to, she didnt like the one i gave birth in and made it well known that it wasnt as good as the 1 her friends daughter went to, so again im thinking what on earth is she on about. Then after she had gone i opened a drawer in my bedside table only to find my next hospital appt check up letter was in there and it was clearly obvious that she had gone through it while i was out. I find this just really odd i know shes really nosey but to go through of all the things in the house my bedside drawer i just found weird. She has mentioned other things that have made me think how does she even know that but having put 2 and 2 together its clear shes snooping around while were out. I love her for coming to babysit, shes giving up her time but that doesnt mean come in and go through my things does it!

I mentioned it to DP nad he said yep she always used to do it to him and his sister growing up and in fact continued to clean their rooms up until the ages of 21 and 24 when they finally left home (believe me ive shared my views on that alone since i found out Hmm ).

so aibu to write a note something along the lines of "get out you nosey old cow" on a piece of paper. or something a bit more dramatic like some retirement home brochures with her name at the top Grin

OP posts:
OrangeLily · 11/02/2013 08:29

Thanks for the update. Well done OP on standing up to ridiculous behaviour in your own house. You are right not to want someone like that in your house!! Xxx

comedycentral · 11/02/2013 08:32

I applaud you OP it sounds like you really kept your cool. Well done to you. I hope she has learnt her lesson.

ChocolatesSnowAngel · 11/02/2013 08:33

Well done OP, sounds like you got the end result you wanted, can't see her doing anymore routing if she's ever allowed back in unsupervised.

If she is, mention to DH about the glitter bomb, I am sure he will help to set it up!!! Grin

OrangeLily · 11/02/2013 08:33

Thanks for the update. Well done OP on standing up to ridiculous behaviour in your own house. You are right not to want someone like that in your house!! Xxx

BatmanLovesVodkaAndCherryade · 11/02/2013 08:34

Well handled galaxy, I'm impressed.

AshokanFarewell · 11/02/2013 08:35

Well done for handling it so calmly, I would've been livid when she kept up the lies and the whole "innocently looking for something" act. If she had come clean and said "okay, I admit I was snooping, I'm sorry for the invasion of your privacy, it won't happen again" then maybe you would have been able to consider giving her one last chance, with the glitter bomb/marbles/broken drawer as a test. But seeing as she clearly does not think she has done anything wrong and does not care that both you and her son are upset by her behaviour I don't think you have much choice. She has no respect for your privacy or your feelings.

Is your son teething? The problem is that however many things you leave out for her or show her the location of, she will always be able to come up with something else that you hadn't even thought of that she desperately needed and had to look for in your bedside table/office filing cabinet/underwear drawer Hmm so she will always have an excuse ready.

As an aside, if you're looking for a new babysitter do you have any teenage neighbours? I started babysitting for my next door neighbours when I was about 14, I think they paid £5 an hour, that was 8 years ago.

CrackedNipplesSuchFun · 11/02/2013 08:38

Thank you for updating us OP. I'm really glad all is ok.

I think what you did was brilliant and hope the MIL learns something from this! Nosey bugger... Talk about busted.

Flisspaps · 11/02/2013 08:41

Well done OP Smile

BerthaTheBogCleaner · 11/02/2013 08:46

Well done! Result!

Ask your dh why keeping the family peace is more important than his family's privacy and feelings (by his family I mean his wife, obv).

I think the important thing was that there was no acknowledgement that she'd done anything wrong, no apology. Which means she'll do it again once she has got over the shock.

You don't have to make a big thing of it, just don't ask her to babysit, and if she offers, say thanks but we don't fancy going out / are doing a babysitting swap with a friend / whatever. And sit back and wait to see if you eventually get an apology!

Alternatively, have her back, we want a glitter bomb :o

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn · 11/02/2013 08:46

Very well handled OP.

ZillionChocolate · 11/02/2013 08:47

I hope she has more respect for you from now on.

Original poster
Wheresmygalaxy · 11/02/2013 08:49

She never once apologised, no, as far as she thinks she has done no wrong, but then she quickly realised that we knew exactly what she had been up to.

Usually my mum will come and babysit for us (its easier for her as she drives, mil doesnt, so my mum can get here and home easy, just she had been in hospital this past week so cant lift anything just yet), that is he only reason mil was asked as we were stuck, due to her drinking she is way down on the list of people asked.

I also found out she had had a bottle of cider whilst here, this was the 1st evening time she had babysat every other time had been for an hour or 2 through the day, i also argued with dp over this as he put it "with her thats like drinking water, it wouldnt of even touched the sides" personally if someone left me to mind their baby i wouldnt touch a drop of anything, and i expect the same from whoever minds him for us, but the fact she deemed this ok, makes me wonder what would happen if she has ds again in the future at her house, luckily i dont have to take that risk as she has given me the ammunition to stop me from asking, she drank whilst minding him and she searched through my personal things. I did also mention to dp that i thought she had gone through my underwear drawer previously, he asked why so i told him she knew exactly which specific brand of pants i had and the colour, too much to be just a guess.

As for why i wasnt screaming with rage at her, to be honest i was trying my hardest not to laugh, i knew what she had been up to and all i had to do was sit back and watch it unfold Grin

OP posts:
magimedi · 11/02/2013 08:49

Well done, OP. Hope she's learnt a lesson - but I wonder if she has?

extracrunchy · 11/02/2013 08:49

Well done OP! Can't believe how calm you are. Very impressed!

Original poster
Wheresmygalaxy · 11/02/2013 08:50

p.s. just so i know, how exactly do you make a glitter bomb Smile

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 11/02/2013 08:51

Looking for the baby's Bonjela is such a fantastic euphemism. Well done OP. Bloody woman.

minesapackofminstrels · 11/02/2013 08:52

I've been following this and am glad that she has got caught out without you being made to look bad. Obviously there is still lots for the family to resolve. Can I suggest you ask MumsnetHQ to delete this thread or move it somewhere less easy to find as if your other half were to hear of it or find it he might not be as amused as we are and be rather angry that you set his mother up.

Katisha · 11/02/2013 08:53

Is reality dawning on your DH or do you think, he will just revert to pandering to her a la rest of the family?

GlaikitFizzog · 11/02/2013 08:54

The drinking would be a deal breaker for me, absolute no no. Add to that the snooping, well, she would never ever be unsupervised with my children again.

I'd wait for the anger to start op. she won't like being caught up, and after what she was like when the baby was born, well, hshe has form.

What did uncle say? Does he know he's being dragged into a farce?

FruOla · 11/02/2013 08:55

Well done for handling it so well. She knows, without a doubt, that you've well and truly caught her out this time. And you have even more ammunition now to stop her babysitting, with her drinking whilst in sole charge of your DS.

I suspect her lack of apology, or acceptance that she'd done wrong, might make her a bit more sneaky next time .... but there isn't going to be a next time Grin

QuietNinjaTardis · 11/02/2013 08:56

This has been a really funny thread and good for op. but forget the snooping thing. If she is drinking while looking after your children then please please do t have her to babysit again. I know you don't want her to anyway but in case your dp wants her to babysit you must say that while she drinks she cannot be trusted to look after your children properly.

SoggySummer · 11/02/2013 08:57

Well done OP.

Really cross that she still has not apologised yo you though. I think she will feel this for a little while yet. I do wonder what she will tell her brother when he asks about it.

limitedperiodonly · 11/02/2013 08:58

Oh God I keep X-posting.

No, she won't admit she's done anything wrong. Good for you for feeling it's the sort of pathetic behaviour you laugh at rather than something to get angry about.

I feel sorriest for your DH. Imagine growing up with someone like this and having to make excuses for her because she's your mum and you love her.

LIZS · 11/02/2013 09:01

Sounds like you kept very calm under the circumstances. Don't guarantee she won't try again though -shes' sorry she got caught not that she did it.

Original poster
Wheresmygalaxy · 11/02/2013 09:02

Katisha i honestly believe he will revert to pandering to her, for some reason they all feel sorry for her, dont like her drinking, but not 1 of them will say anything to her about it, instead they all creep around her and let her do what she wants annoying as she is.

The main reason i hate this behaviour is because I was brought up with an alcoholic stepfather so I know what its like to be around that and i dont want my child to have to see people behave in the way i did growing up. I do wonder why dp doesnt feel the same way as me as we were both brought up in similar households, whilst i hate people drinking around me he's ok with it, which i struggle to get my head around. So her drinking whilst here isnt a problem for him really, Whilst for me id rather she snooped through our things again than drink whilst looking after ds.

But yes, certainly wont be asking her around anytime soon Smile if ever Grin

OP posts: