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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

for flouting hospital 'no sibling' rule for ebf baby?

659 replies

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 14:57

DS had an operation yesterday. He needed me to be there. Breastfed baby also needed me.

I took my Aunt to look after my ds and we were sent initially to a waiting room. The plan was for her to keep him there and for me to pop out of the ward to feed him.

However, we were there for half an hour and my ds started to ask for a feed, so I started to bf. Literally 2 sucks in, we were called. I pulled him off and he screamed so I jigged him about (which quietens him as a distraction) and moved towards the ward with him in tow.

The nurse told me he wasn't allowed. I told her that I needed to finish his feed and then I would take him back to my aunt. I offered to vrubg ds ub 10 mins but she got arsey saying that ds would have to have his operation cancelled if he missed his slpt. Nurse started tutting about him disturbing the other patients and that there was a strict no-sibling rule that I knew about as it was in the letter (it was).

so WIBU?

OP posts:
MNHQ
JulieMumsnet · 05/02/2013 22:42

We have gremlins! Confused

We're going to go through this thread now. Wink

fluffypillow · 05/02/2013 22:49

Sometimes a BF baby can't be distracted, and NEEDS to feed. It's a fact. I'm sure op understands her own baby well enough to know when a bf is needed. You can't always substitute a bf for a solid snack, as b'fing is not just about food for a baby, it's comfort too.

It can be very distressing for a b'fing Mother to have to walk away from her crying baby knowing he/she needs a feed. That's not easy, especially in op's position when she was trying to look after her older DS too.

I really think it's typical that op has had a bashing here, as all threads that are about anything to do with b'fing end like this.

I really wish the attitude towards b'fing would change in this country, and that people would show some support for it.

I think it's discusting the way op has been treated on here Sad She was trying to make the best of a difficult situation, and the hospital should have been more understanding, as should all those who have been nasty to her on here. No need for it.

Permanentlyexhausted · 05/02/2013 22:49

I'm afraid I haven't read the entire thread, just the first and last pages but, from what I have read I think yes, YABU.

There is a no sibling rule for a reason, and it isn't to try to make life awkward for you. It is to prevent already sick children being exposed to further germs - the norovirus in particular at this time of year. Forgive me if I am wrong, but I assume your DS's operation was not an emergency operation but rather a routine one. Had your child been having an emergency life-saving operation due to being extremely sick you might view unnecessary extra germ infested children in a slightly different light.

Kickarsequeen · 05/02/2013 22:49

I was actually under the understanding that according to UK a nursing mother and her child whilst sole breast fed are classed as a dyad and legally cannot be separated? Can't google it from here but if so they should have to make an exception for dyads.

Having had 4 b/fed babies, I think you did the best you could and tried very hard to work in with their rules. I don't see what else you could have done really!

inthewildernessbuild · 05/02/2013 22:50

YANBU. At all. Sleep well Star.

Fabsmum · 05/02/2013 22:58

YANBU

If hospital had Unicef 'baby friendly' status, which all NHS hospitals should have or be working towards, then they would have been told not to implement policies which obstruct breastfeeding.

Contact PALS and ask to see the hospital's written policy on breastfeeding. It will have one.

Viviennemary · 05/02/2013 22:59

I thought an EBF baby was a baby that only had breastmilk. Not a baby that ate rice cakes fishfingers mushy peas and goodness knows what else. What a silly and riduculous fuss about absolutely nothing. The baby isn't EBF.

Kickarsequeen · 05/02/2013 23:02

Oh, and none of mine were even starting on weaning till over 7 months! Sorry to the who disagree but I think starlight did the best she could in the situation and starlight, do contact them about not being baby friendly, leaving a b/fed baby behind is as easy as leaving your left leg! Ridiculous!

Fabsmum · 05/02/2013 23:06

A small baby who doesn't drink formula or drink from bottles needs to be near its mother.

That's all.

It's unreasonable to ask for an exclusively breastfed baby not to have access to its mother in the situation the OP describes - there was no risk to anyone's health, and it doesn't set a precedent for anyone except other mothers with exclusively breastfed babies.

doublecakeplease · 05/02/2013 23:07

I remember your previous posts Star (although they all seem to have been deleted now??) and lots come across as preachy about bf and rather entitled. You were unreasonable to flount the rules. Your baby is clearly not ebf if it's eating food. It seems you did it simply because you feel that you have some kind of breast given rights.

Moominsarescary · 05/02/2013 23:31

The baby isn't ebf so I think yabu

Kungfutea · 06/02/2013 03:35

I think ywbu a bit as well.

When I went back to work, my ebf dd, from 5 months, practically stopped eating during the day. She would hardly touch her bottles of expressed milk. At 7 months, she would refuse them altogether and she really wasn't into solids until she was about a year old. So she would go practically all day without eating (although she certainly made up for it in the evenings, she would latch on as soon as I got home and just go for it for hours, including night feeds!). Anyway, no harm would come to your 7 month old if he didn't eat for a bit although obviously not much fun for anyone involved. But I don't think you can expect the hospital to be as accommodating to what is, essentially, a comfort rather than a necessity. It would be very different if your baby was a newborn.

But I also think the attacks on when/how you wean are ignorant and pretty unpleasant, my dd certainly wasn't 'weaned' at 7 months!!

RedHelenB · 06/02/2013 07:05

My 6 month old wouldn't take bottles & i didn't express. he was fine in nursery for the odd occasion I was working.( they offered him water from a cup & I left a fromage frais & some pureed veg.Once they have been introduced to solids they are no longer exclusively breastfed!!! 7 months is not classed as a small baby surely?

ImNotDrunkIJustCantType · 06/02/2013 07:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerryCouthyMows · 06/02/2013 07:44

Ladyindisguise - you asked what you do when one DC needs an operation, and you have another DC, and you are a Lone Parent.

You panic. You ask their father to look after their well child. when they say no, you panic some more after calling them every bastard under the sun. Then you phone around all of your friends until you can find someone who can help. If you have 3/4 DC's and are in that situation - you may well end up with a DC at each friend's house, PLUS the one in hospital.

Most LP's with 2+ DC's nightmare. The only thing more scary is needing to go into hospital for an operation yourself, as a LP!

doublecakeplease · 06/02/2013 07:45

Me too Imnot.. Very sad and tbh gives bf bad publicity.

Fabsmum · 06/02/2013 07:59

Those of you who're being insulting to the OP - were you not aware that most hospitals would consider it poor practice to insist on a blanket application of a protocol without any consideration of its impact on exclusively breastfed babies? That's the whole point of 'baby friendly' accreditation.

Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 06/02/2013 08:03

No fabsmum, it appears all they are aware of is my name, and that was enough to throw insults.

OP posts:
Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 06/02/2013 08:05

I hope so Anyway as it might mean they don't actually feel so strongly against as they are pretending to.

OP posts:
Uppermid · 06/02/2013 08:10

What happened to the policy of not insulting poster, some of you ought to be ashamed

Uppermid · 06/02/2013 08:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Colliecollie · 06/02/2013 08:15

Ywnbu. I agree with fabsmum

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 06/02/2013 08:33

Oh blimey starlight, what a shitstorm you have created! Grin

I know you are thick skinned so I hope you will ignore the twits who have no comprehension of the situation.

In a nutshell YANBU. There are rules for a reason, however there are times when common sense comes into play- this was one of them. I hope ds feels ok today.

Sirzy · 06/02/2013 08:36

Fabsmum - hospitals can only help in individual circumstances if they know about them. But as the op decided she didn't need to inform them of her problem then how could they help?

Sirzy · 06/02/2013 08:37

And it has already been established that infact her son isn't exclusively breastfed at all

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