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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for flouting hospital 'no sibling' rule for ebf baby?

659 replies

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 14:57

DS had an operation yesterday. He needed me to be there. Breastfed baby also needed me.

I took my Aunt to look after my ds and we were sent initially to a waiting room. The plan was for her to keep him there and for me to pop out of the ward to feed him.

However, we were there for half an hour and my ds started to ask for a feed, so I started to bf. Literally 2 sucks in, we were called. I pulled him off and he screamed so I jigged him about (which quietens him as a distraction) and moved towards the ward with him in tow.

The nurse told me he wasn't allowed. I told her that I needed to finish his feed and then I would take him back to my aunt. I offered to vrubg ds ub 10 mins but she got arsey saying that ds would have to have his operation cancelled if he missed his slpt. Nurse started tutting about him disturbing the other patients and that there was a strict no-sibling rule that I knew about as it was in the letter (it was).

so WIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 20:49

You can't shedule feeds for a baby who is fed on demand.

I can't express, and ds can't drink from a bottle, and not very well from a cup.

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 05/02/2013 20:49

Keep x-posting with OP! Blush

larks35 · 05/02/2013 20:49

OP, this is obviously a horribly hard time for your and your family and I'm glad all is well. A friend of mine went through a similar experience when her DS1 was 3yo and DS2 just 2mo. She never took DS2 to hospital with her and she or her DP alternated staying with their DS1 for over 6 weeks on and off (lots of complications, not my story to tell). She realised that DS1 was the priority and initially expressed but very quickly turned to formula for her DS2. She hated that but had no real choice.

Couldn't you have planned ahead and expressed for your DC2 so that they could have been looked after by your aunt without having to go to the hospital at all? I know that suddenly offering a baby a bottle doesn't work too well but in the situation you were in, if DC2 was really needing a feed then a bottle would have worked.

So yes, I do think YWBU but can understand that forethought doesn't always come into the decisions we make when life is suddenly really hard.

nickelbabe · 05/02/2013 20:51

oh ffs.

a 7mo is fine without bf if they are with someone else.

if you start a feed it's an extremely bad idea to stop andhand the baby over.
to a baby who thinks their physical needid being met that would be actual torture.

watch me....

yanbu

TheSecondComing · 05/02/2013 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greensleeves · 05/02/2013 20:54

YANBU at all. There needs to be a very good reason to separate a breastfeeding infant from its mother. "Space" is not a good enough reason (especially as a bfing baby doesn't take up any extra space).

There are jobsworths and awkward sods i the NHS as there are anywhere else. And threads like this always bring out the "You Must Obey" brigade as well. Common sense, however, easily points to you feeding your hungry baby as the cause of the least possible disturbance to all parties.

Greensleeves · 05/02/2013 20:56

TSC you talked about "winning" first, OP merely referred to it in her subsequent posts. The only thing she wanted was to feed her hungry baby without compromising her other child. Which was very easy to accomplish and inconvenienced nobody.

GeorginaWorsley · 05/02/2013 20:56

Thankyou sauvignon I have has many sessions of complaints training.
As far as i am aware I have never received a complaint about my attitude or nursing care,thank goodness.
If the hospital had pre operative clinics in place alot of these issues would have been avoided,as OP could have explained her situation and solutions saught.
I have stated up thread that had I been the nurse involved then I would have handled differently.
I maintain however that had OP ,when reading the 'no siblings' rule,had emailed or rung the hospital explaining her situation,the problem would not have arisen.
Communication works both ways doesn't it.
Anyway,hopefully lessons have been learned on both sides.

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

SauvignonBlanche · 05/02/2013 20:57

Do you mean this post?

Add message | Report | Message poster StarlightMcKenzie Tue 05-Feb-13 16:32:17
I haven't won anything. Perhaps if I pointed the hospital to their very own baby friendly initiative I might 'win' a better service for bfing mothers in future.

Sounds reasonable to me!

MrsDeVere · 05/02/2013 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 20:58

larks, this is a very good time for us. better than it has been in a long time.

But I still can't express anywhere near what ds requires for a feed.

OP posts:
LadyInDisguise · 05/02/2013 21:02

I think a few people here have no idea of what happens in a day surgery at hospital.
My experience (of a few times) of that is that you are told very little, see very few people and when you do, they are very busy running from one end of the room to the other.
You have no idea at what time you will go to surgery. the time you get is the time you should be at the hospital, several people will be booked at the same time and will be going one after the other. You can be the first or the last, no way of knowing and no one will tell you when you arrive. What is assumed is that you (and whoever is coming with you) are ready for a long, long wait (A friend of mine waited a full day!). As for when you come out... I actually have been told that my DP would be better off ringing before coming to pick me up (which was just as well as I came out 2~3 hours later than planned).

In these circumstances, it's not about organizing yourself with a baby for one feed, it's about having an organization to cover one feed and your older child being seen straight away to actually spending the whole day in hospital.

Unfortunately, once there you can't do better than go with the flow (and that's what is expected from you). I know by experience that if you start interrupting the nurses with questions such as 'when is ds going into theatre?', 'how much do I have' etc... it's not going to go down well because well... the nurses are BUSY looking after patients and have little time to explain and answers questions like this (whihc to be fair will look unessential).

I also agree re the bfing policy of the hospital. Procedures like the ones about 'no sibling' should take that into account, esp within an NHS hospital.

TheSecondComing · 05/02/2013 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyInDisguise · 05/02/2013 21:05

TSC I can't remember the OP moaning about the nurse.
Actually I am sure she said that afterwards they had a good chat and were both quite friendly to each other....

I understood that the OP had an issue with the hospital blanket policy re siblings and bfing.

Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 21:11

TBH, I didn't even have a problem with the policy and planned significantly to adhere to it (Mum came down from Cumbria to look after dd, Aunt came down from Lancashire to look after baby close by), until things went wrong, then I saw the problem with it.

And now i have a problem with the policy iyswim.

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 05/02/2013 21:11

I hope the hospital changes its stance as a result of the OP's feedback, the issue probably hadn't occurred to them.
That's why patients' comments and feedback (good and bad) is so important.

blondiedollface · 05/02/2013 21:11

Impressed dramatics have reached page 14!

7mos can have snacks and toys and singing from Aunts as distractions.

I would know, I've got one too!

Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 21:16

blond, that's great. I hope you are really proud.

My ds can't sit up yet unaided.

OP posts:
kinkyfuckery · 05/02/2013 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

nickelbabe · 05/02/2013 21:31

blondie - okay, with your 7mo, try this tomorrow.

dc wakes up wants boov. you give boob but only for half a minute then put yourself away and hand the baby to a relative and leave the room.

then come back and tell me what happens.

lurkerspeaks · 05/02/2013 21:32

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 10-Jan-13 23:19:45
He just ate 3 AFTER fish, mushy peas and wedges of potato (which probably mostly went on the floor) and now has been bfing for 30mins.

He had one big pouch and two smaller ones.

Just so you all know this is the exclusively breastfed baby we are talking about. One who eats 3 Ella's kitchen pouches in ONE sitting.

Yeah. He'd have starved to death if deprived of his Mother's milk while she concentrated on her eldest child.

ElphabaTheGreen · 05/02/2013 21:33

Um...OP. You posted very recently that your 7mo eats Ella's pouches three at a time, not to mention covering his rather varied solids diet in at least two other recent threads. What's this guff about the odd rice cake and pine needles? Confused

ElphabaTheGreen · 05/02/2013 21:34

X post with lurker Grin

Uppermid · 05/02/2013 21:37

Op for your own sanity I think you need to step away. Not everyone feels you were being unreasonable but some are so completely against you they're not hearing your argument.

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