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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for flouting hospital 'no sibling' rule for ebf baby?

659 replies

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 14:57

DS had an operation yesterday. He needed me to be there. Breastfed baby also needed me.

I took my Aunt to look after my ds and we were sent initially to a waiting room. The plan was for her to keep him there and for me to pop out of the ward to feed him.

However, we were there for half an hour and my ds started to ask for a feed, so I started to bf. Literally 2 sucks in, we were called. I pulled him off and he screamed so I jigged him about (which quietens him as a distraction) and moved towards the ward with him in tow.

The nurse told me he wasn't allowed. I told her that I needed to finish his feed and then I would take him back to my aunt. I offered to vrubg ds ub 10 mins but she got arsey saying that ds would have to have his operation cancelled if he missed his slpt. Nurse started tutting about him disturbing the other patients and that there was a strict no-sibling rule that I knew about as it was in the letter (it was).

so WIBU?

OP posts:
Boutdesouffle · 05/02/2013 19:30

You are NOT exclusively feeding him, that would mean 'excluding' all other forms of food/drink. You keep adjusting your argument to whatever will garner you the most sympathy, but no one seems to agree with you. Why on earth should you get special treatment? I just don't get it.

SauvignonBlanche · 05/02/2013 19:33

YANBU at all.
As an NHS Ward Manager I would be embarrassed to hear how you had been made to feel.
Some constructive feedback is in order, it would have been helpful if you'd known you were going into theatre, your well thought out plans may have been different if you'd known in advance.

Can't believe the level of ignorance about BFing on this thread! Shock

Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 19:37

Bout. I am exclusively breastfeeding my ds.

He doesn't have formula. He doesn't have water. He doesn't have juice. He ocassionally plays with a rice cake, he appears to eat pine needles he finds under the sofa by the state of his nappies. He probably also eats fluff and I suspect by his mouth that he may have once had a lick of my dd's nutella on toast.

But by all accounts, he's exclusively breastfed.

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 05/02/2013 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theebayqueen · 05/02/2013 19:38

YABU but also you also act like one of lifes victims (((sigh))). I'm suprised you had the audacity to fire off an email to the hospital but there again as one of lifes victims, the rules must be bent for you & you alone...... :-/

You should send a thank you card to the hospital/nurse for allowing you to take said baby onto the ward when you knew you weren't allowed not whinging and whinning.

Boutdesouffle · 05/02/2013 19:39

And as mentioned previously, at 7 months old it is not usually dangerous to keep them waiting for a feed. But you allegedly are a special case and require special treatment.

Fairylea · 05/02/2013 19:39

I want to say Yabu but as mum to a (formula fed) 7 month old ds I feel really :( at the idea of your little one being distraught and left without a morning feed as I know my ds would go ballistic and be inconsolable. However luckily as I formula feed someone else could have given him a bottle, this is obviously not possible in your case.

It sounds like you were being very quick and under a lot of pressures. I can see where you're coming from..but...I can also see the hospital point of view.

I think people who are suggesting somehow you can fling a rice cake at a newly weaned or weaning 7 month old first thing in the morning and expect them to be satisfied are bonkers. There's absolutely no way my ds would be calmed down with that at all .

Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 19:39

Thank you Sauv. I went into theatre 1 hour 45 minutes after we had arrived on the ward. The baby was well and truly topped up and fed and stuffed by then and back with my aunt. He didn't need me then. I fed him for as long as I could at the beginning of the day in the first feed to free me up for the rest of the day.

Turns out, ds came back out of theatre and was thrown out almost immediately (for drawing pictures of hands with needles in them I expect Hmm)

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 05/02/2013 19:40

Starlight should not get special treatment, her BF baby should be reasonably accommodated, as per NHS policy.

lurkerspeaks · 05/02/2013 19:43

I think you are misleading us as you go on to say that your exclusively breast fed child takes water and rice cakes at different times in the day.

This to me does not mean exclusively breast fed. This means gets a breast feed in the morning.

I'm sad that you were unable to prioritise your older child who was having an operation over his younger sibling who it appears has alternative routes for obtaining calories and hydration. WTF did you not just leave the baby at home? It might not have been a very easy baby sitting gig but at least your older child would have had the suppport he needed.

I am very suprised on the basis of your previous posts that you did not find out you would be expected to go into the aneathetic room beforehand. This is absolutely standard practice in the UK. The only parents IME (which is extensive) who don't are those with teeny tiny babies who don't want to come or those with hulking teenagers who want to do it without their Mum.

DizzyZebra · 05/02/2013 19:44

Oh my god this is still going?

Seriously, if ten minutes separation has this effect on you you need a psychiatrist. This isn't normal. Its ten minutes. Baby wouldn't have starved. Sometimes there are rules that mean we have to be slightly inconvenienced. That.is.life. get on with it like the rest of us.

Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 19:44

lurker, we're experimenting with weaning. He doesn't actually consume much at all. His nappies are still neon yellow.

He isn't ready to be left without bm.

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 05/02/2013 19:45

I don't the you were being ur but I do think you could have phoned before and said " I have childcare for ds's sibling but he is BF so that they will be waiting in the waiting room if needed I may have to either go out of the ward to him to feed or bring him in to the ward to feed,is that an issue?"

Would have solved a lot of problems wouldn't it.

ReindeerBollocks · 05/02/2013 19:46

I find this really unusual. Maybe I've been lucky but DS practically lives on our local ward and - instead of banning his sister, they accommodate her and have often helped with warming milk/food and providing things for her.

We are always given a room though, don't know if that makes a difference. But when I was bf DD and DS was in hospital they were really kind and helpful.

Personally it doesn't actually sound like anything went wrong with letting your baby have a feed then return to the aunt, you didn't hold up surgery and because they demanded you be there, then they should have accepted your fully bf babe in arms.

I feel for you OP - when DS was/is in hospital it is a juggling act for me, as it was for you today. I can't always get DD minded and sometimes she just has to be with us. Luckily my hospital is far kinder than yours. I think you tried your best to provide a solution it's just a shame the hospital timings were at the same time as baby's feed. Still no real harm was done, baby still got fed and DS still had his op. Hope your DS is feeling ok.

landofsoapandglory · 05/02/2013 19:46

I think YABU.

I had spinal surgery 3 years ago, and the ward had a 'no children visitors' policy. I adhered to that, my DC were 15 and 13 so hardly like to cause a commotion, but it was a rule for everyone, or so I thought.

On the afternoon I came back from theatre, in walks a woman with mahoosive buggy with a baby, of about 7 months, to visit her mother in the corner. She told the nurse the baby was BF, mother needed visiting so baby had to come. The nurse got the matron, who was bloody lovely, and she told the woman she could stay as long as the baby made no noise!

So, baby grizzles for a feed, a while later. Woman starts pulling curtains round the bed, (fair enough she wants privacy) and knocks the water jug flying, so now the bay is awash with water! Cleaner comes and mops it up! Not only do those who can get out of bed with walking frames and sticks have to manouveure round a buggy, they now have to negotiate a bloody wet floor!

The baby was fed, but it obviously got tummy ache or wind after because it howled, and I mean howled for almost an hour. The woman kept jigging it and telling the nurses it would be quiet in a minute, but it wouldn't. They asked and asked her to leave. The lady in the bed next to mine was sobbing because she was in pain, and tired and the howling was too much for her. In the end the matron said if she didn't go they would have her removed by security!

I hated that fucking woman, she thought rules didn't apply to her too! Angry

ChestyNut · 05/02/2013 19:47

OP-AIBU

Posters-YABU

OP-IANBU

Why start a thread when clearly you feel you are in the right Hmm

BigSilky · 05/02/2013 19:48

NHS policy is no siblings on that ward, according to the OP.

Sirzy · 05/02/2013 19:48

The rules are in place for a reason. You need to make reasonable compromise, at 7 months the baby could have waited 10 minutes.

DizzyZebra · 05/02/2013 19:50

He wouldn't have been left without bm. You are being dramatic. He would have waited ten minutes while you signed forms. What is the big deal?

IneedAsockamnesty · 05/02/2013 19:51

Lurker, she has stated the baby has no other fluids. And she was not not expecting to go in the anaesthetic room its going into theatre whilst he was operated on that threw her,

That would catch me unawares also as despite having loads of kids and o e of the having had a opp last week I've never had it happen.

Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 19:52

Dizzy Who said it was going to be 10 minutes? The nurse certainly didn't. The paperwork actually took an hour and a half, though for all I knew it could have taken 4 hours like last time.

OP posts:
DizzyZebra · 05/02/2013 19:53

An hour and a half? For grommits? Really.

Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 19:54

'I am very suprised on the basis of your previous posts that you did not find out you would be expected to go into the aneathetic room beforehand. This is absolutely standard practice in the UK.'

No it isn't. I didn't go last time. And besides I had 6 lots of grommets when I was a child and my mum didn't come once.

But that is besides the point. I never took ds into the theatre, nor would I expect to. He was on the WARD for 10 minutes whilst we were waiting for the first person to do their rounds.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 05/02/2013 19:55

An hour and a half? What paperwork was it exactly you were signing?

Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 19:56

The prep and form signing took an hour and a half from the first person doing their rounds until the last. The operation took around half an hour from going in to being brought back to the ward bay.

BUT, no-one told me what was going to happen when, how long it would take etc etc. I fed my baby the biggest feed I could as early as I could and then sent him away.

OP posts:
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