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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think is this is not embarrassing?

155 replies

D0oinMeCleanin · 03/02/2013 16:56

Ignoring all the background because I can't move until we 'win' a council house, so I can't just leave.

Both dds at a party, which I assume was planned for weeks. I was told about it yesterday. I was at work at teatime, essay writing, dog walking and dryer fixing at lunchtime.

Dd2's only pair of tights that match her dress have a hole in the crotch, only the crotch. |I only noticed this hole when I was getting her dressed. Her dress covers the crotch. She has clean knickers on, the same colour as the tights. Had she had other tights I would have gave her them, but she doesn't, so she wore the holey ones. There are no holes in the leg, only the crotch. She is 6 so she is not inclined to go around with her skirt above her head.

She has told DH about the rip on the way to the party. He is 'mortified' and 'feels like he can't go now' I am 'not a proper a mother' and 'want our children to be scruffy' his family will 'all be talking about us'

AIBU to think he needs to get a fucking grip and stop allowing our children to be near his family if they'd honestly make dd2 feel bad about a hole in some tights (which they wouldn't)?

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 03/02/2013 17:52

Is there no other way than to wait for a council house?

If you're such a fucking abomination, can't he piss off to live with his perfect family?

Flisspaps · 03/02/2013 17:53

quote does that include armholes, legholes, buttonholes...

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 03/02/2013 17:55

I hope you can get out soon dooin, this is no way to live Sad

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 03/02/2013 17:58

No Fliss, I need a council house to keep the dogs with me. Only one private LL allows dogs in this town and he notorious for renting out shitholes and then refusing to do repairs.

OP posts:
Want2bSupermum · 03/02/2013 18:00

Some men are funny when it comes to women bettering themselves. You are not the only one facing this.... My DH is highly successful at work and before we married I told him I would always work towards a successful career. To develop my career I have had to take my CPA exams which involved taking 30 accounting credits plus passing four exams in an 18 month window. DH is studying part time for his MBA. I have helped him so much with his studies yet when it came to me taking my exams he has left me in the lurch more than once. The message is loud and clear - my career doesn't matter which directly translates into 'I don't matter.'

If he wrote this to you on facebook and it is public I would respond saying something along the lines of 'I didn't know I was her only parent. As her father I would like to think you are capable of fixing a hole that can't be seen in a pair of tights if you are so bothered by this.'

With regards to your studies, you need to get help from a friend/your family. I hired a babysitter to come in and vounteered to travel for a month. I finished work at 8pm, walked back to the hotel and studied until 1am. My DH doesn't even realize what he is doing. My Dad had a word with him and DH was saying all the right things but his actions are the opposite. I really feel for you because I know how frustrating it is be so close, yet so far from accomplishing your goal.

WhichIsBest · 03/02/2013 18:01

He still sounds awful, like last time you posted about him. :(

McNewPants2013 · 03/02/2013 18:05

You can buy crotchless tights, apparently they are more hygienic

Want2bSupermum · 03/02/2013 18:06

While I love my dog dearly I would give him to my brother/father (who love him dearly) before staying with someone I want to get away from.

When my DH gets funny with me I remind him that our DD will one day be married with children so it is very important she see from her father how she should be treated.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 03/02/2013 18:12

If it was just Whippy I would, but no-one will have Devil Dog, he wasn't always a nice dog. Most people are scared of him, those who are not scared of him, simply do not like him.

He wouldn't fare well in rescue either, because of his past (former stray with a history of fear aggression, guarding, dog on dog aggression, a history of biting people etc)

I've no-where else to put him except with me. I doubt I'd even find a rescue space in this climate with that history and the alternative is not an option.

We should get a council house before too long. They told me it normally takes about 9 - 11 months, so it will be before Christmas at least.

If there was physical violence involved we'd be moved immediately, but there isn't, nor does he ever threaten to throw us out.

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 03/02/2013 18:18

Could you put something on gumtree / local paper saying "Wanted xx bed house for mum, xx children and 2 well behaved dogs?"

You never know

MrsKoala · 03/02/2013 18:20

I haven't read your back story op. but he sounds fucking foul. Do you have an 'understanding' that your relationship is essentially over? Was he always so dreadful? Why does he hate you so much? Surely he loved you once. I just don't understand the mentality.

Fwiw my dad was always a total cunt If mum was ever going to see her family. He would always cause a massive row just before they turned up and would shout in front of them to embarrass her. He didn't realise the only person he was humiliating was himself. He really thought he'd taught her a lesson! Twat!

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 03/02/2013 18:24

And a cat too. I'm not leaving FatCat behind Grin FatCat is boring, he sleep and eats and sleeps and eats, so I never post about him, but I still luffs him Grin

Gumtree is an idea. I will do that tomorrow. He's due back soon and I'm not risking another fight if he sees me posting the ad. He'd be bound to retaliate by posting derogatory comments about me under it or threatening to sell one of the dogs. Stoopid, eejit man.

I had a nice relaxing night planned tonight too and now I'm not really in the mood Sad Vodka might help Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 03/02/2013 18:28

I have an understanding the relationship is essentially over, but keep getting told "not to be silly" Hmm or accused of being "an over dramatic bitch making threats to upset him"

He seems scared of loosing us. You would think he'd make an effort to be nicer, considering, wouldn't you? Apparently he is too dumb to think of being nice.

OP posts:
BeaWheesht · 03/02/2013 18:29

I would absolutely NOT go through his wardrobe and unpick all the stitching at the crotch of every pair of trousers he owns. No I absolutely would not.

McNewPants2013 · 03/02/2013 18:37

Beawheesht I think that give advice to follow

abbierhodes · 03/02/2013 18:37

Dooin, I'm not here to flame you, but I'm going to say this anyway, just in case you haven't had it said to you before.
You are putting the dog before the emotional well-being of your children. You do know that, don't you?

By the time they're adults with issues the dog will be long dead and you'll wonder whether it was worth it.

And I'm really sorry if that's harsh, but I think you need to get your kids and (yourself!) away from this dickhead and his damaging behaviour.

I know they'll still see him, but at least you can start to show them what 'normal' is.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 03/02/2013 18:42

No, abbier, we are leaving. We're just all leaving together. The whole family.

We are not staying so the dog can be happy, we're just waiting a short while for a house suitable for us all.

Dd2 would never forgive me if I gave her cat to rescue, so even without Devil Dog, we can't move unless it is to a pet friendly house. She is going to be upset enough as it is, she is the only person in the whole household who actually likes the idiot.

OP posts:
DameFanny · 03/02/2013 18:46

What Bea said. Although I'd just loosen a few stitches so as to look like wear and tear. Especially at the back of jeans where he might not notice for a while.

And point out that Hyacinth Bucket isn't much of a style icon and matchy matchy is best left in the last century.

MrsKoala · 03/02/2013 18:47

Ha! Can you take a pic of the shocked and outraged look on his face the day you leave and post it on here? Perhaps he cant be nice and is using his meanness to hope you will not have the confidence to leave? Well think again cuntmuffin! I'm cheering you on. :)

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 03/02/2013 18:49

I'd be pretty mortified to have a DH like him. can't imagine anything more shaming than being seen with such a moron....

Yfronts · 03/02/2013 19:04

Maybe he has OCD? It's not normal to be that concerned with such small things like holes in tights or non matching shoes.

Whippoorwhill · 03/02/2013 19:12

God he is such a complete and utter arse. I've got my fingers crossed that a Council house turns up soon.

waltermittymissus · 03/02/2013 19:25

He's a prick. And he'll always be a prick.

The sooner you're out of there, the better.

When you leave, dye all of his clothes the same colour so he'll always match.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 03/02/2013 19:26

They're still not back Angry

He is doing this on purpose. They were supposed to be back at 6:30pm to go to my mums. They're meant to be staying the night, because I have rare two days off in a row. It was all planned.

The girls are staying with my mum so I can have a bottle of wine and watch the film I have been waiting to see for months without having to worry about the school run. He knew this Angry The tosser.

If he leaves it too late to get them to my mum he is doing the school run. I will go to my mum. Twat!

OCD? Hmm, he walks around in some states himself, so I doubt it. That's okay in his mind though, ill fitting footy shirts from 5 years ago, with faded jeans are the epitome of cool, so long as they don't have holes in Hmm

He's happy to live in squalor too, if I don't pick up after everyone. Can you suffer from obsessive compulsive twattery? He might have that.

OP posts:
SolomanDaisy · 03/02/2013 19:28

Have you ever asked him to leave? D