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AIBU?

To think that a 20yo shouldn't be 'seeing' someone in his 30s

152 replies

minimarshmallow81 · 02/02/2013 00:45

My younger sister had lunch with me today (read, she met me on my lunch break and I paid for a meal- probably the first portion of veg she's had in weeks given she's a student) and she casually informed me she's been on a few dates with somebody. She doesn't talk to me (or any of our family) about her love life so I was very excited to be having a personal conversation with her. All was going well until I asked her if he was on her course. She then (again, very casually) informed me that he wasn't and he was in fact in his early 30s.

I get that she's an adult and I get that she can see whoever she wants but I can't help but think that it sounds rather sleazy for a man in his 30s to be interested in a girl who's only a second year student. How can they have anything in common? And how can they have an equal relationship if she's a skint student and he's a fairly well-of businessman.

She treated the age as just something a little awkward and says she can't relate to 'boys'. I think she's a bit star-struck by the lifestyle he's showing her. Should I say something to her? I can't see this ending well...

OP posts:

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skullcandy · 02/02/2013 08:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KenLeeeeeee · 02/02/2013 08:55

TheFallenNinja · 02/02/2013 09:10

Your her sister, not her mum.

Amazed people still think this way.

EuroShagmore · 02/02/2013 09:21

YABU, OP.

I had a lovely relationship with a 35 yr old when I was 22. It didn't work out between us, but we are still friends at 37/50. In fact, he gets on with my husband as well as he gets on with me and spends a lot of time with us. My parents weren't keen but it was none of their business.

mrsjay · 02/02/2013 09:29

she is 20 she can go out with whoever she wants, but saying that you are her sister and probably still see her as young I have a nearly 20 yr old and even though she is an adult I still see her as young and you know I would probably gulp a bit at her going out or seeing a 30 yr old, but id get over it and so should you, it is ok for her to see an older man

catnipkitty · 02/02/2013 09:47

My dad is 13 and half years older than my mum. They were 21 and 35 when they got married. They have had a long and happy marriage of 43 years, 4 children and still love eachother dearly.
Back off and mind your own business.

FutTheShuckUp · 02/02/2013 09:48

When I was 20 I was dating a 31 year old. 12 years on we are happily married with kids. The sheer horror of it all!

ClaimedByMe · 02/02/2013 09:51

my dsis was 21 when she starting seeing her OH who was 35 or 36, they have now been together nearly 7 years and got married last year :)

FreshLeticia · 02/02/2013 09:53

I started seeing my DH when he was 24 and I was 36 and a single mum of two. 15 years later we are married with a house and daughter.
He will be 40 this year and is a right old fart

AmberLeaf · 02/02/2013 09:59

I wouldn't think a 20 year old who is at uni counts as someone with no career goals?

Re the age thing, I dont think it has to be an issue, however it all depends on the man, if he's lovely then fine.

I know of a few arses who go for younger women now as they know they are more likely to tolerate bullshit than their older counterparts.

Dont be judgy about it, keep an open mind and keep talking.

Lots of stories here as proof it can work out well.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 02/02/2013 10:00

What's wrong with an adult aged 20 seeing another adult who is 30 something?

mrsbunnylove · 02/02/2013 10:05

if the only problem is his age, there is no problem at all.
why are you so critical of your sister?

PureQuintessence · 02/02/2013 10:18

"but isn't very future-orientated, she's happy being a student with no responsibilities and has no interest in work/career goals."

Yup, that was me as a student.

Did not stop me developing career goals and go for it after having completed my BA and then my MA.

Be a sister to her, without trying to be her life coach!

mrsjay · 02/02/2013 10:27

I think the Op is just worried about her sister getting hurt TBH she maybe think this man may take advantage of her, but she is 20 maybe having fun with this guy it may go somewhere it may not, Op i am sure she will be fine just be there if it all goes a bit pear shaped and dont say I told you so,

Adversecamber · 02/02/2013 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CotherMuckingFunt · 02/02/2013 10:45

I met dh when I was 23. He was 40. I'm now 33 and he's 50 and we're about to hit our ninth wedding anniversary.

Stay out of her business - no wonder she doesn't talk to you about these things.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/02/2013 10:51

I was 19 and dh was 33 when we got together, almost 14 years down the line we are still together. They are both adults nothing 'sleazy' about it.

SoniaGluck · 02/02/2013 12:22

I was 22 when I began a relationship with a man of 37.
Barring accidents, next year we will be celebrating 30 years of marriage.

As many of the previous posts testify, age gap relationships can work.
He doesn't have to be sleazy, he might just, you know, like her.

timeforbrandy · 02/02/2013 12:51

As a student in my early 20s I dated a string of men in their 30s and 40s. It was brilliant, so much more fun than hanging out with skint immature students. Proper dates with decent cars, nice restaurants and bars, weekends away and some amazing sex

Sounds like she's making the most of her youth, there's no need to assume that she wants every relationship to last. I certainly didn't.

pigletmania · 02/02/2013 13:05

Yabvvvvvu get over yourself she is a consenting adult so what!

Happiestinwellybobs · 02/02/2013 14:58

I met DH when I was 18 and he was 26. A year later we started dating. 17 years later we are happily married.

Why don't you give the guy a chance before making assumptions about his intentions towards your sister?

Hobbitation · 02/02/2013 15:19

I went out with someone who was 33 when I was 19, for four years. Lots of fun times, it didn't work out in the end, but I certainly don't regret it one bit.

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PilotRochester · 02/02/2013 15:25

When I was 18 my 'boy' friend was 30, the main thing we had in common was the amazing sex! He was experienced and I was very eager.

They are both adults, if you want to have a good relationship with your sister I'd stay well clear and let her get on with it.

MoominmammasHandbag · 02/02/2013 15:31

I have a good looking friend who went pretty much from being a student to being the trophy wife of her older, but very charming, boyfriend. She freely admits that all she ever wanted was to be a SAHM with a rich husband, a nice house and a brood of kids. They seem very happy ( she is now late 30s).
Perhaps your sister has a similar life plan?

LadyHullyEyes · 02/02/2013 15:32

My niece is getting married to her partner this year, she met him at about nineteen, they've been together nearly 4 years and have two children.
He is in his thirties, and is a lovely bloke.
I never even thought about the age gap.

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