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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU and PFB? I don't think i was.

226 replies

fuckitfuckitfuckit · 30/01/2013 14:03

I was visiting a neighbour who has a DD a similar age as mine, her DD is 13 months, my DD is 10 months.
The DDs were playing side by side with us sat on the sofa drinking tea, when my DD bit her DD, cue screaming.
Before i had chance to react, my neighbour picked up my DD and said 'no, you don't bite.' and bit her on the arm saying 'see, how do like it?' cue DD crying.
I saw red, and snatched DD back and shouted 'What the hell do you think your doing?' and walked out.
She then sent me a text saying that she was sorry she upset me but babies need to learn and has just sent one saying she's really sorry but she thinks i totally over reacted and that it wasn't that hard a bite and it didn't leave a mark.
I'm still angry at her.
I don't think i was BU but i know I've been a bit PFB before, so wibu? AIBU to not want to see her again?

OP posts:
MrsMushroom · 30/01/2013 19:36

Always any unwanted physical contact between a child and a person not related is an assault...I''m not talking a pat on the head or a little hug between friends. But if someones TEETH made contact with my child you're damn right I'd consider it an assault.

ChuffMuffin · 30/01/2013 19:41

Oh my fucking god, who in their right mind bites a baby?! Shock

timidviper · 30/01/2013 19:42

I think her behaviour was stupid and inappropriate, you are right to tell her that it was in no way acceptable and not see her socially any more.

I am equally appalled though by posters telling you to ring the police and report it as assault, that reaction is totally out of proportion. She is a loon but you gain nothing by being equally OTT in return.

FanFuckingTastic · 30/01/2013 19:53

That was definitely unreasonable of her, it is your choice how you choose to discipline your child and she was out of line.

Not dissing the method, because I used it, but my child was four and seriously warned to stop biting and all other methods tried before I bit her arm fairly hard and when she stopped crying asked her what it felt like, did she like it, and did she think other people liked it? Then I told her I would bite her back every single time she bit someone. Turned a raging issue into a minor niggle, as awful as it made me feel.

IneedAsockamnesty · 30/01/2013 20:29

YANBU.

Even if it was her child its not ever going to be considered as reasonable chastisement so its always going to be an assault.

FWIW I wouldn't bother with reporting to the police all that will happen is a local resolution she will be asked not to do it again, I would however talk to the HV ASAP because if she's doing that to someone else's child in front of you how on earth does she treat her child in private.

You would be damn sure that no child of mine would ever be near her again and she would be politely told that I considered her to be a thick bully and she should stay the hell away from me.

yaimee · 30/01/2013 20:48

Yanbu and if she thinks you are I'd show her this thread!

LittleChimneyDroppings · 30/01/2013 21:22

Contacting the police is not over the top. If an adult bit me, I would contact the police. If an adult did that to my child, I would do the same. Its assault, its not playful fun, or suddenly less meaningful because the recipient of the bite happens to be a baby Hmm

bbface · 31/01/2013 07:19

This is so outrageous. so totally and unequivocally unreasonable that I wonder whether this is actually true Hmm. Just a feeling I guess.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 31/01/2013 07:27

YANBU. OMG! Shock

Haven't read all of the thread so dont know if its been said but have you considered biting this woman? because thick twathead adults like her need to learn it is NOT ok to bite people. Hmm

Emilythornesbff · 31/01/2013 09:04

Livid
Does she realise if she'd left a mark you could have had her arrested?
The instinct to protect our dc is powerful but this woman behaved outrageously.
I couldn't maintain a friendship with her unless she apologised, acknowledging she was in the wrong. And even then.....?

MammaTJ · 31/01/2013 09:08

kids need to learn that their actions have consequences

This I agree with, no doubt about it. However, at 10 months, there is a limit to what they will learn and you were right there, about to deal with it. I presume you were not going to bite either.

DublinMammy · 31/01/2013 10:08

Holy Crazy Batfuck Lady!!!! She is a loon, don't send her any more texts, just stay away from her.

Imaginethat · 31/01/2013 10:29

I agree that it would be appropriate to call police. Your neighbour does not have boundaries. Physical assault is illegal yet she has demonstrated that she does not recognise this which makes hear a risk to others, not least her own baby. In the cold light of day this is a deliberate physical assault. It may also help you to feel supported if police handle it.

Poor you, your poor baby and what a horrible thing to happen.

I actually wouldn't engage with her any more though, no more texts and ignore if you see her in the street.

Fakebook · 31/01/2013 10:33

Shock. Ywnbu.

Catchingmockingbirds · 31/01/2013 10:45

Shock she BIT your baby...?

Catchingmockingbirds · 31/01/2013 10:50

If you are going to involve the police however, don't text her and tell her first as has been suggested.

Original poster
fuckitfuckitfuckit · 31/01/2013 11:03

I'm not going involve the police, i have however told the HV but only because she came out today to weigh DD and mentioned she was then popping over to neighbours' afterwards.

OP posts:
Catchingmockingbirds · 31/01/2013 11:06

What did the hv say?

countrykitten · 31/01/2013 11:07

Never, ever see this mad woman again. FGS - she is INSANE. You are within your rights to report her - how the hell does she 'discipline' her own poor child?

Terrifying.

countrykitten · 31/01/2013 11:08

Do not let this go either - what if she is hurting her own baby? Worried.

sheeplikessleep · 31/01/2013 11:09

Oh my god Shock

What an unhinged woman.

MikeOxardInTheSnow · 31/01/2013 11:15

WTF is wrong with you? Call the police, she abused your baby.

drjohnsonscat · 31/01/2013 11:23

never see her again but I think the police would be an overreaction. I think it used to be commonplace to think that if a child bit, you would give them a (gentle) bite to show them that it's not nice. Obviously all that has gone by the wayside now because things are done differently now but I'm sure I've seen this approach mentioned on MN before.

MikeOxardInTheSnow · 31/01/2013 11:27

Do you have a baby drjohnsonscat? If I came to yours and bit or slapped it to teach it a lesson, would police be an overreaction then?

drjohnsonscat · 31/01/2013 11:31

It's obviously not appropriate but it's mentioned in a lot of childcare advice (negatively of course) so it's obviously something that people have tried :

www.kidsbehaviour.co.uk/ChildrenAndBiting.html

As I said in my post, I think this used to be much more common practice like other things we no longer do. She might have seen it done by her parents and not thought it through. I think I made it clear I wouldn't stand for it.