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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU and PFB? I don't think i was.

226 replies

fuckitfuckitfuckit · 30/01/2013 14:03

I was visiting a neighbour who has a DD a similar age as mine, her DD is 13 months, my DD is 10 months.
The DDs were playing side by side with us sat on the sofa drinking tea, when my DD bit her DD, cue screaming.
Before i had chance to react, my neighbour picked up my DD and said 'no, you don't bite.' and bit her on the arm saying 'see, how do like it?' cue DD crying.
I saw red, and snatched DD back and shouted 'What the hell do you think your doing?' and walked out.
She then sent me a text saying that she was sorry she upset me but babies need to learn and has just sent one saying she's really sorry but she thinks i totally over reacted and that it wasn't that hard a bite and it didn't leave a mark.
I'm still angry at her.
I don't think i was BU but i know I've been a bit PFB before, so wibu? AIBU to not want to see her again?

OP posts:
HSMM · 30/01/2013 16:52

Who's going to teach her not to bite!

pootlebug · 30/01/2013 16:56

OMG.

I feel horribly sorry for her 13 month old, who is presumably going to be bitten / kicked / punched etc if he ever experiments with doing any of those Sad

ArtsMumma · 30/01/2013 17:02

YANBU, end this friendship, she physically abused your child! You were right to walk out, and you are totally justified in not wanted to see this woman again.

EasilyBored · 30/01/2013 17:04

Aside from the fact that a ten month old is not going to understand that they shouldn't bite, however you present it, she's clearly a loon. I would have lost my shit if I was in your shoes.

MammytoM · 30/01/2013 17:10

YANBU, she's a loony! Who bites a baby?! Shock. It's not as if your DD actually did it to hurt her DD, she's too you to understand. She has no right to discipline your child - never ind the fact that your DD does not need disciplining anyway!

MrsMushroom · 30/01/2013 17:16

If someone did that to my child, I would report them to the police for assault. She'd soon learn how wrong she was.

MrsMushroom · 30/01/2013 17:17

I really think you should report her actually. She bit a BABY! SO wrong on so many levels.

essexmumma · 30/01/2013 17:27

This is the most shocking thing I have read on here I think. 10 months old and being bitten by a loony neighbour as a punishment is insane - I would have lost it with her and then reported her to the HV or even police. If this is how she disciplines her child then she needs help

Dahlialover · 30/01/2013 17:34

As the daughter of a child protection worker, I would say that biting a 10 month old, under whatever pretext is not acceptable.

As a mother of twins, I used to be an expert in babies biting each other! I never resorted to biting them back ever, (although I would have loved to tie their hands to the push chair during the hair pulling phase. The 'sitting on one's sister, having cornered her by the sofa' day was disturbing but a one-off).

You just pick up the biting one and put her at the other end of the floor with a toy and leave her, pick up the bitten one and check her, then put her down with another toy, no fuss.

I would talk to the NSPCC about it. They are experts in this area, the police aren't. They may talk to her - she does not seem to be showing any remorse and thinks it is ok which is not a good attitude, and like someone said above, what happens when someone clonks her child over the head with a toy at toddlers?

EldritchCleavage · 30/01/2013 17:34

Does she seriously imagine a 10 month old can 'learn the consequences of her actions'? All your poor DD has learned is 'OW!'
Definitely a woman to avoid.

TheFallenNinja · 30/01/2013 17:35

I'd call an ambulance and go back round there. No way on gods green earth would I let that go.

AlwaysWantingMore · 30/01/2013 17:39

Well I'm going to be flamed but I think talk of reporting her to the police is completely over the top (I appreciated the OP has not suggested this).

You get playful bites where although teeth are closed on skin its not actually a 'bite'. You can playfully 'bite' little ones when messing about and they will screech with laughter.

I'm not saying what the neighbour did was right and if the OP doesn't want to see her again, that's fine, but some of the responses on this thread are wackier than the neighbour's behaviour.

I'm going to hide now while everyone piles on and tells me how wrong I am.

nickelbabe · 30/01/2013 17:46

always - this was not a playful bite.
what you're describing is a game, not a retaliation for punishment.

MrsMushroom · 30/01/2013 17:48

always the OP never said it was a "playful" bite. She assaulted a baby. I wouldn't be messing about on here f that was my child.

TheAccidentalExhibitionist · 30/01/2013 17:53

I agree alwayswantingmore
This is just awful.
You would be right to be fuming and never speak to never speak to her again but calling the police, an ambulance, resorting to physical violence?

Over reaction IMO.

TheAccidentalExhibitionist · 30/01/2013 17:53

Whoops, double typed.

HecateWhoopass · 30/01/2013 17:55

come over here and let me bite you because you've done something I don't like.

If you're happy to be bitten yourself, then I'll accept your pov that it's ok to do it to a baby.

TheAccidentalExhibitionist · 30/01/2013 18:01

Hecate
Who said it was Ok to do it to a baby? It's not ok under any circumstances.

Would I hit The neighbour? No, because I wouldn't hit anyone.

CaptainVonTrapp · 30/01/2013 18:03

YANBU.

I'm disgusted that she bit your child. But not surprised, I reaslise some people think biting a child is a good way to teach a child not to bite Hmm.

I'm horrified that she defends it saying its ok and you're overreacting.

Please don't be tempted to have anything to do with her in the future even if this incident fades from your mind. She really can't be trusted.

Contacting the police isn't a bad idea.

AlwaysWantingMore · 30/01/2013 18:06

The point I'm making is that not every bite is an assault. None of us except the OP know what kind of a bite it was on the scale of playful - serious assault. From what the OP has said (there was no mark) it does not sound to me like it is on the 'assault' end of the scale - many others on this thread have jumped straight to being assault. If the OP does feel the bite was on the 'assault' end of the scale, by all means he/she should of course report it as you would any criminal act.

Any bite whether playful or otherwise may well have been ill-judged and on those grounds the OP is not BU to be annoyed.

HecateWhoopass · 30/01/2013 18:06

No. It's not ok. At all. If someone bit me I would be straight on to the phone to the police.

I simply don't understand how that can be an overreaction because it's a baby.

Surely biting a baby is a reasonable thing to report to the police?

The idea that reporting to the police that someone bit your baby is an overreaction did sound to me as though it was not something worth telling the police about. I apologise if that's not what was meant.

waltermittymissus · 30/01/2013 18:24

I hardly think the OP would have stormed out and been so upset because her 'friend' was playing with the baby!

crashdoll · 30/01/2013 18:25

Another one adding another YANBU. Poor little baby. Who the fuck bites a 10 month old?! Sad

BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail · 30/01/2013 18:45

Always did we read the same OP? The neighbour was disciplining the OP's child and trying to teach her a lesson? How is that anywhere near the 'playful end of the scale'???

BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail · 30/01/2013 18:45

Sorry. Rogue ? in 2nd sentence.

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