Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU and PFB? I don't think i was.

226 replies

fuckitfuckitfuckit · 30/01/2013 14:03

I was visiting a neighbour who has a DD a similar age as mine, her DD is 13 months, my DD is 10 months.
The DDs were playing side by side with us sat on the sofa drinking tea, when my DD bit her DD, cue screaming.
Before i had chance to react, my neighbour picked up my DD and said 'no, you don't bite.' and bit her on the arm saying 'see, how do like it?' cue DD crying.
I saw red, and snatched DD back and shouted 'What the hell do you think your doing?' and walked out.
She then sent me a text saying that she was sorry she upset me but babies need to learn and has just sent one saying she's really sorry but she thinks i totally over reacted and that it wasn't that hard a bite and it didn't leave a mark.
I'm still angry at her.
I don't think i was BU but i know I've been a bit PFB before, so wibu? AIBU to not want to see her again?

OP posts:
NadiaWadia · 30/01/2013 14:55

OP, maybe you should contact the police. That could be seen as an over reaction, but her replies to you show that she still thinks what she did is OK. And that is quite worrying for the future safety of her own DD and any other children she comes into contact with.

LittleChimneyDroppings · 30/01/2013 14:59

You should call the police op, seriously. She assaulted someone elses child. If she feels ok doing that, then goodness knows where her limit is with her own child. You need to call them.

CailinDana · 30/01/2013 14:59

FWIW I think contacting the police is going too far but I would be tempted to text back and say "You do realise biting someone is extremely dangerous, and would be considered assault by the police?" I would do it mainly because adults being violent towards children makes me absolutely livid and I would be keen to make her see just how off the wall her behaviour is. Likely she will admit nothing but you might make her think.

KellyElly · 30/01/2013 15:03

I was thinking about what you said about people needing to learn consequences for their actions. So, I'm reporting you to the police for assaulting a baby. Thanks for helping me see things clearly. And stay away from me in future.

HyvaPaiva · 30/01/2013 15:10

I was thinking about what you said about people needing to learn consequences for their actions. So, I'm reporting you to the police for assaulting a baby. Thanks for helping me see things clearly. And stay away from me in future.

^ I also think you should send her this.

city1984 · 30/01/2013 15:11

How can anyone even expect a 10 month old to know right from wrong? I would be reporting her to police and staying away. Your poor dd and ynbu.

NaturalBaby · 30/01/2013 15:14

Children learn by example - at any age, from tiny babies to older children. The best way to respond is calmly, with understanding (of why the child/baby did what they did) and show them the right thing to do.

Groovee · 30/01/2013 15:20

Shock how does anyone believe that biting a baby is going to make them realise it's wrong. I wouldn't be going near her again and warning her that assaulting a baby was completely out of order.

Emsmaman · 30/01/2013 15:25

YANBU...I saw a friend of my husband's pull her 10mo daughter's gorgeous little blonde curls to "teach" her not to pull her hair. Have a feeling if she was on this site she would say YABU

CailinDana · 30/01/2013 15:28

Hurting a child to "teach" them is absolutely bonkers.

spiritedaway · 30/01/2013 15:29

She sounds insane YANBU

Jelly15 · 30/01/2013 15:46

I agree that she assaulted your DD and would have reported her. My SIL did this to her DN at a similar age and I told her you ever do that to my DSs and you will never see them again.

How is that teaching a 10 month old not to bite? Infact it does the opposite and teach them that retaliation is the norm.

ENormaSnob · 30/01/2013 16:02

I would report to the police.

It is assault.

I presume no one would tolerate another adult biting them.

ohforfoxsake · 30/01/2013 16:10

Fucking hell.

She is dangerous. I hope you don't let this get brushed under the carpet. It is NOT IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM ACCEPTABLE.

Who the hell is she to 'discipline' your BABY anyway? What next?

I feel sorry for her child.

Fucking hell. I'm reeling at this one.

rednellie · 30/01/2013 16:13

I mean parents of (much older) biters do, sometimes, end up resorting to this if they're getting desperate and in the heat of the moment.

Doing it to a 10month old WHO IS NOT YOUR CHILD is just bananas. What else does she believe? That village linchings are a far idea?

zukiecat · 30/01/2013 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateWhoopass · 30/01/2013 16:20

Actions have consequences?

Yes. Biting someone's child gets you arrested!!

Please send the text suggested above.

Bloody horrible woman needs the shock of her life.

Have her admit to the police that she bit your child and try to justify it to them if she's so sure what she did was fine.

HecateWhoopass · 30/01/2013 16:22

Meant to say - if someone bit me, I would report it to the police.

Why would I not take the same action for my child?

PickledInAPearTree · 30/01/2013 16:29

Good god. You did the right thing leaving, if she texts again I'd say she is lucky you haven't called the police.

Sneezingwakesthebaby · 30/01/2013 16:39

This made me so angry for your dd and you! I wouldn't have been able to restrain myself from launching at her. I agree with the others who have said give the police a call. Even if all they do is go around and give her a harsh chat, it might stop her biting someone else's child in the future.

Sneezingwakesthebaby · 30/01/2013 16:39

Can't believe I've just written that sentence about an adult dear me.

SpicyPear · 30/01/2013 16:45

YANBU. Who would think this was okay? Not just to step in and discipline your child before you had a chance to deal with the situation, but to do it by picking up your DD and biting her. Just, no. It's absolutely bonkers and wrong on so many levels.

You would not be unreasonable to call the police and see if they can talk some sense into her. Personally I would probably just stick with no contact. Do you have mutual friends? I'm usually not one for gossip and shit stirring but in this case I would want to let anyone whose child might be in contact with her know.

YourHandInMyHand · 30/01/2013 16:45

Bloody hell!! Shock

I would be furious! The fact she left a mark is irrelevant really, the fact that she bit a baby - not even her own baby, and hasn't even apologised for it shows me she is rather crazy! Her poor child.

Not sure if police would get involved. I'd be thinking more of ringing my HV for a chat. Chat about how upset you are, whether she thinks you need to do anything further for your dd (I know there is no mark but lay it on thick), and I would also be expressing concern about this woman's own child. She is so blatant and unapologetic about it that she clearly needs some help with her parenting. And to be told to not bloody bite babies. Shock Angry I'm assuming you live locally to each other so even if you don't have same HV you will probably have ones in same team.

YourHandInMyHand · 30/01/2013 16:47

Do you know what, having thought more, I think I would call the police on the 101 number and ask their advice. Even if they send someone round for a "chat" it may make her realise how serious it is.

Oblomov · 30/01/2013 16:51

Goodness me. Am truely shocked.
I have heard of people biting an older child, as a toal last resort.
My sil's ds1( he is now 28) was a biter. He bit her and other children alot, and she talked to him, said no, did this, did that. went on for probably over a year. Then one day, she was washing up and he bit her on the inner thigh. She was shocked by the pain. she screemed with pain. And she was embarrassed to admit that she just turned round and bit him.
And he never did it agin. And she is a nurse. the most gentile loving parent I know.

But he was about 4 or so.

Not 10 months. OMG.