Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Original poster

To not let my DS learn to dive.

302 replies

Sandy11 · 27/01/2013 22:06

My DS is 16 and wants to lean to dive. He says he has found a club for beginners of his age and really wants to learn. He is quite shy and has not had many hobbies. The only problem is that the lessons would last from 4 - 6 pm on a Sunday. The centre is miles away in the city and I am not prepared to drive so he would have to go on the train. I am worried that something bad would happen to him he is 16 but I don't think as a parent I should let him travel far about an hours journey on the train at them times. It would not affect his school work but you don't know who lurks about today. He is really shy and feel guilty for not letting him do this and it is not expensive either. Am I being unreasonable stopping him?

OP posts:

LouMae · 28/01/2013 00:38

Weird. My dniece is 16 and has been to Manchester (about an hour from us ) on the train loads of time. She even went alone on the train to oxford to visit her "boyfriend" (we live in the north west). I used to live in a rural area where kids as young as 11 commuted on the train every day to school, sometimes as late as 6pm if they had after school activities. You're going to destroy all of his confidence.

TheCatInTheHairnet · 28/01/2013 00:54

My 16 year old goes into NYC on his own and meets friends all the time. They hang out, go skateboarding, watch bands, eat pizza and then come home. It's amazing what teenagers can do if you let them.

And all of my children are on a dive team. It's an absolutely brilliant, athletic and, ever so slightly, daring sport. Let him do it!! And, for God's sake, let him to learn to take the bus. He's not 6!!

Remotecontrolduck · 28/01/2013 01:54

I think this is a joke thread, because no sane person would be like this.

If this is real, I hope your son moves out ASAP OP, you sound unhinged.

sashh · 28/01/2013 07:22

At 16 I went to Australia alone, it was the first time I had flown.

Let him go, it's not like he is walking home at 3am through a row of crack dens.

Branleuse · 28/01/2013 07:34

hes 16. Just let him

I left home at 16, as did my brother :|

OddBoots · 28/01/2013 07:40

What's preventing you from driving him?

Would you be prepared to drive just for picking him up and for him to get the train there?

jamdonut · 28/01/2013 07:45

Why can't you just meet him from the train station, then, if you are that worried about him? I would let my 16 year old daughter do that,but I would meet her if it was a very lonely walk. Presumably he has a phone...can't he text you when he's leaving and when he's just approaching the statin so ou know where he is?

Seriously...you need to let him have some independence at that age!!!

jamdonut · 28/01/2013 07:48

station, you .....silly keyboard!!

PrideOfChanur · 28/01/2013 07:55

If my 16 year old came home wanting to try a new activity,and had found somewhere they could do it - and it was cheap-I'd be falling over myself to encourage them!
He could go on the train,or you could take him (even if you aren't keen to be out for 3 hours on a Sunday night)He'll be learning a new skill,hopefully making friends,building his confidence - what will he be doing at home otherwise? (for my DCs the answer would be telly and Nintendo - diving a much better idea!)
YAdefinitelyBU,IMO.

everlong · 28/01/2013 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vagndidit · 28/01/2013 08:49

I don't think we need to drag out the melodramatic competitive statements of "When I was 16, I..." choose one: was married/travelled South America on my own/had 4 children/cured cancer/found world peace, etc etc etc...

However...not letting your 16 take the train alone??? C'mon op. Cut the cord, hon.

cory · 28/01/2013 08:51

As a university teacher, this OP makes my blood run cold.

Unless this story is made up, this is a boy who in 2 years time is likely to be thrown on the mercies of a university town, with all that that entails, and with no experience of looking out for himself.

Please come back, OP, and shout April Fools!

Or at least let us explain that it is the norm, even in today's protective society, for 11/12yos to do what you are denying your 16yo.

LineRunner · 28/01/2013 08:54

If Ruth Lawrence is on MN, she could come on and say, 'When I was 16 I had a university degree.' That would be quite cool. (Except the bit where her dad followed her round everywhere I suppose.)

Waitingforastartofall · 28/01/2013 08:54

at 16 to find a skill that he could be passionate about and use to make new friends I'd be getting him there any way I could , fair enough if you don't want to drive but there is no logical reason why he can't get a train plenty people that age do daily. I really hope your joking

cory · 28/01/2013 08:54

Agree that we don't need to go back to our own childhoods decades ago.

But just looking around my moderately large city today, in 2013, what I see is hundreds of youngsters from nice, caring, protective homes, not neglectful ones, who are allowed to walk out or travel on public transport in the early evening by 12 years old, who hold down Saturday jobs by 16, who have a social life which does not depend on being guarded by adults at every turn. I see that schools expect it too.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 28/01/2013 08:54

Is anyone else wondering why the actual fuck a 16 year old boy needs to ask his mothers permission to get on a train?

Waitingforastartofall · 28/01/2013 09:00

yep tantrums, guilty. I was wondering

Flisspaps · 28/01/2013 09:01

People really do treat their almost adult children like this.

I worked in a secondary school a few years ago, one of the Y11 boys (so aged 15/16) wasn't allowed to get the bus the 2 miles home as he was "too precious and her little boy"
in his mother's own words, and she wanted to pick him up early as she couldn't get him at normal pick up time.

She was rather put out when I pointed out that the parents of all of our students thought their children were precious and their babies, but most of them still managed to get the bus/train in from Y7.

I felt sorry for him, he always looked really sad.

OP, it might be scary for you, but you need to let your son learn how to be independent. He isn't a little boy. Your job as his parent is to equip him with the confidence and skills to cope in the big, wide world. That can't be done through cotton wool or clipping his wings.

Nancy66 · 28/01/2013 09:03

you should let him do it.

However if the 'dark at 6pm' thing bothers you that much you could compromise and say he can do it in March - by which time it will be light at 6pm.

magimedi · 28/01/2013 09:09

Do you know, I can't post & stay civil on this one?

I just hope it's a wind up.

BertieBotts · 28/01/2013 09:10

LET HIM GO.

How will he ever learn confidence and how to do things for himself if you won't let him? What if something bad happens - well, yeah, what if it does? One day he'll be living away from home and he'll have to deal with "bad" things happening. TBH he's probably more in danger of being beaten up at school than by a random stranger. You have to let him have age appropriate freedom now while he has the back up of you to call if he does get into trouble. Otherwise he's never going to manage out on his own.

Is he planning to go to university?

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 28/01/2013 09:16

You are being very unreasonable!

You know that he doesn't really need your permission don't you? He doesn't even have to be living with you.

Don't stop him doing something he's interested in, its wrapping him up in cotton wool, he won't thank you for it and you have to cut the apron strings some time.

This thread makes me uncomfortable. I think its because you could drive him but choose not to do that either. I get the impression that you just don't want him spreading his wings and getting a life for himself. Instead you want to keep him all yours which is incredibly unhealthy for you and also for the man he is becoming.

toddlerama · 28/01/2013 09:19

I don't think this is a joke. This is how I was raised

LittleChimneyDroppings · 28/01/2013 09:20

You need to let him go. If you don't then he will get pissed off with you and go and do what he wants anyway. And then you won't know what he's doing because he will start lying to you. My mum used to be a bit like you and I ended up packing my bags and moving out at 16, just so I could have a bit of freedom.

Yfronts · 28/01/2013 09:26

pick him up from the train station at 6pm?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13