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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my DS learn to dive.

302 replies

Sandy11 · 27/01/2013 22:06

My DS is 16 and wants to lean to dive. He says he has found a club for beginners of his age and really wants to learn. He is quite shy and has not had many hobbies. The only problem is that the lessons would last from 4 - 6 pm on a Sunday. The centre is miles away in the city and I am not prepared to drive so he would have to go on the train. I am worried that something bad would happen to him he is 16 but I don't think as a parent I should let him travel far about an hours journey on the train at them times. It would not affect his school work but you don't know who lurks about today. He is really shy and feel guilty for not letting him do this and it is not expensive either. Am I being unreasonable stopping him?

OP posts:
missmapp · 27/01/2013 22:36

I thought this was going to be about diving being dangerous, I always worry about banging head! But not wanting him to go due to travel -Gaby.

wonkylegs · 27/01/2013 22:36

I spent a month traveling through France & Switzerland when I was 16 and I was a petite little girl. I then came back and spent most of the year when I was 17 taking trains all over the country by myself to go look at uni. I am now a confident traveller and went off to uni with no problem.
If you can't let him have freedom at 16 when will you be happy for him to take this journey because it'll only get harder for him the older he is fussed and mollycoddled. Yes worry but let him go & be thankful he's found an interesting hobby.

BegoniaBampot · 27/01/2013 22:36

Nasty piece of work? Really?

missmapp · 27/01/2013 22:37

Gaby! Stupid tablet! YABU

Original poster
Sandy11 · 27/01/2013 22:37

I am not nasty it is just ok in my area we don't have diving but we have tennis and swimming etc he just seems to want to try something that is different. I would let him if it was a 20 minute walk!

OP posts:
LineRunner · 27/01/2013 22:39

OP, let him go on the train.

Feminine · 27/01/2013 22:40

Thats good he wants to try something different though eh?

20 min walk Confused

ladymariner · 27/01/2013 22:40

Why is is it wrong for him to want to do something different? Surely you should be supporting him, especially as he is shy, it probably took a lot of courage for him to ask to do this

Original poster
Sandy11 · 27/01/2013 22:40

I also don't mind the train journey just returning at 6pm it will be near dark and walking to a train station at near night there could be anyone there.

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 27/01/2013 22:42

He's 16. Old enough to leave home, join the military, learn to ride a moped. He can manage a train ride. You really need to give him his freedom - how is he ever going to function as a adult if you don't?

kim147 · 27/01/2013 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings · 27/01/2013 22:42

Oh figs its 6pm not 2am, he will be fine and in a few months it will be light at 6pm anyway!

LineRunner · 27/01/2013 22:42

He'll be fine, though. People have to walk around all the time at all times of day. It's perfectly normal.

5madthings · 27/01/2013 22:43

At 16i did go out and not come home till 2amactually, non school nights of course!

PatriciaHolm · 27/01/2013 22:43

You can't keep him at home just because there is a miniscule chance of something going wrong!

At what age is the poor lad going to be able to go out on his own? Does he never go out at night at all?!!

ladymariner · 27/01/2013 22:44

So drive him then if you're that worried and ridiculously over-protective

WorraLiberty · 27/01/2013 22:44

Yeah cos there'd be no-one there when it's light Hmm

What do you think happens when the sun goes down OP?

And how will you cope when he leaves home/starts work and needs to be out of the house after dark?

Seriously, you're going to ruin him at this rate.

Feminine · 27/01/2013 22:45

If you are really worried I suppose you could meet him off the train.

Give yourself a chance to see it will be alright.

Do you live in a particularly bad area , is that it?

aufaniae · 27/01/2013 22:45

He's 16!! Yes, you should let him do this. It will be good for him.

Why can't he go under his own steam?

I used to travel to school every day 2.5 miles across London by bus from when I was 8 with my 6yo little sister in tow.

At 10 I used to get the train to my grandparents' on my own (London to Cardiff) (I was met at either end), and at 10.5 I got a plane from America to London on my own. It made me independent.

Your son is 16, please, give him some freedom and help him find his independence. This is the best thing you can do for him.

pictish · 27/01/2013 22:45

OP he's a baw hair off being an ADULT!

It being dark is not an issue! My son walked a mile home from his friend's at 6pm tonight....he is 11!!!

Bobyan · 27/01/2013 22:45

You're going to be the Mil from hell.

usualsuspect · 27/01/2013 22:46

OP,let him.go.

toddlerama · 27/01/2013 22:46

If you are restricting his use of transport due to your fears, then you should drive him.

But just let him go on the train. I wasn't allowed to do ANYTHING by myself as a teen (it was all too dangerous...) and I failed miserably at everything when I left home for a good year. Didn't have any life skills at all. It made me angry with my parents, who were actually really lovely people, just totally over protective.

5madthings · 27/01/2013 22:46

worra has a good point re work, at 16 I had a part time job and shifts would finish at 9/10pm some nights and I would then bike home.

Seriously do you not let him go out once its dark?!! At what age WILL you let him out in the dark?!!

hatgirl · 27/01/2013 22:46

He should have been able to do this from age 12/13 onwards no problems.

No wonder he is how he is, you haven't let him grow up! What are you going to do if he goes off to university in a few years time?

At 16 I had two jobs, was secretary of our local young farmers club and competing all over the country in various events with no parental oversight.

You have to weigh up the benefits of him getting a life against the minimal risk that something bad might happen to him. No actually, you don't.... he is 16 and able to make his own decisions without your permission.