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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let my DS learn to dive.

302 replies

Sandy11 · 27/01/2013 22:06

My DS is 16 and wants to lean to dive. He says he has found a club for beginners of his age and really wants to learn. He is quite shy and has not had many hobbies. The only problem is that the lessons would last from 4 - 6 pm on a Sunday. The centre is miles away in the city and I am not prepared to drive so he would have to go on the train. I am worried that something bad would happen to him he is 16 but I don't think as a parent I should let him travel far about an hours journey on the train at them times. It would not affect his school work but you don't know who lurks about today. He is really shy and feel guilty for not letting him do this and it is not expensive either. Am I being unreasonable stopping him?

OP posts:

aufaniae · 27/01/2013 22:47

I used to get a bus home from Horse Riding (in Hackney, London!) in the dark from age 8!

Whoknowswhocares · 27/01/2013 22:47

If you are really that bothered then you have the choice to drive him.......pick the one which appeals the most BUT you really have to let him go.

As an aside, why is it being near dark relevant? Stuff can happen to anyone, at any time. That doesn't make it reasonable to never do anything.......again if it is that terrifying, go pick him up from the station! But sooner or later, you are going to have to accept he cannot be protected from every possible problem in life for ever

ravenAK · 27/01/2013 22:48

YABU.

He's old enough to leave home if he chose. You actually can't 'not let him'.

It's simply not your decision to make.

On a practical note, it's getting lighter every week now.

aufaniae · 27/01/2013 22:48

Sorry to be so frank, but being so overprotective is damaging to him. You need to help him learn how to become an adult, he will be one soon.

This is a great opportunity for you and him to practice him having more independence.

Let him go.

BillComptonstrousers · 27/01/2013 22:48

I'm not sure how many muggers/pervs hang around the train station at 6pm on a Sunday. I can only assume this is the type of people you mean??

ladymariner · 27/01/2013 22:50

I agree you should be letting him do this on his own but still intrigued as to why you refuse to drive him if you're that bothered about it.

Also wondering if the boy's shyness is in any way related to the mother's over protectiveness.......

Pandemoniaa · 27/01/2013 22:53

I also don't mind the train journey just returning at 6pm it will be near dark and walking to a train station at near night there could be anyone there.

There could be "anyone" there at any time of day. At 16, he should be perfectly capable of travelling alone at teatime. The sooner he gets some sensible levels of independence, the safer he's likely to be too.

thenightsky · 27/01/2013 22:53

If he's 16 he'll be able to learn to drive himself in less than a year

WorraLiberty · 27/01/2013 22:54

It's strange how we as kids (I'm 43) were afforded so much more freedom years ago.

Yet, there were no mobile phones, not every house had a landline and if a family even had a car...it was one per household mainly.

OP, you've got a car...your DS will have a mobile phone...you'll have a mobile phone or at least a landline.

Why in God's name are you restricting such a normal and healthy part of his life?

wewereherefirst · 27/01/2013 22:54

Why have you not given him the skills to be able to get a flipping train home at 6pm?

Jesus, I was hopping on trains into London all the time at 11.

Time to cut the apron strings and stop holding him back, he's not a baby and he will resent you if you keep on.

OverWintered · 27/01/2013 22:55

He is really shy and I feel guilty for not letting him do this and it is not expensive either ...is telling, I think you know that you do want to let him do this and there are more fors than againsts. How fantastic that he has found something that he wants to try

Maybe do the train journey with him the first time he goes?

wewereherefirst · 27/01/2013 22:56

Oh and there are a large proportion of crimes that happen in daylight hours. 6pm is commuter time.

WorraLiberty · 27/01/2013 22:56

Maybe do the train journey with him the first time he goes?

I know you meant well OverWintered but you're responsible for the little bit of sick that just came up in my throat....

squeakytoy · 27/01/2013 22:57

At 16, if I wanted to do a course, I would do it, and would not have expected my parents to "allow" me to do it...

Pandemoniaa · 27/01/2013 22:58

I know you meant well OverWintered but you're responsible for the little bit of sick that just came up in my throat....

I'm glad you said that, Worra. I was still pondering on how to address my astonishment at the very idea.

curryeater · 27/01/2013 23:02

Surely this is a reverse IABU.

OP, are you the 16 year old? Put your mum on. Either we'll sort her out, or she will explain that you are grounded for dealing or something.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 27/01/2013 23:06

I was allowed very little freedom as a teenager, & I remember with pleasure the 40 min train journey I did every saturday back from ballet. It was incredibly important to me & i really felt like it was a rehearsal for being properly grown up & independent. Walking to the train station, finding the platform & the journey was all really nice, at 6pm on a Saturday. And parents collected me from the station at the other end.

Please let him go.

StuffezLaBouche · 27/01/2013 23:09

1/10. Sure this will drivel on for several more pages with the OP appearing sporadically to make largely irrelevant comments.
And yes this is a "j'accuse" type of post. Sorry.

WorraLiberty · 27/01/2013 23:13

Indeed Pandemoniaa

Cortana · 27/01/2013 23:46

Jesus wept. A lot of 16 year olds are drinking and shagging and god knows what else at that age I know I was . Your DS would like to try a new sport.

Get on bended knee and thank whatever lucky star you believe in and be thankful.

nailak · 28/01/2013 00:09

when i was 16 I worked at macDs and walked home at 2am, and i was a petit girl.....

Also went clubbing and stuff, out on trains to city late at night. I think that if your ds doesnt know how to get train on his own etc, you have the next 2 years to get him used to it.

When were you planning to start? just send him of at 18 and leave him to it at uni?

pigletmania · 28/01/2013 00:21

Yabvu stop cotton wooling him and give him some freedom poor thing. You sound a bit of a helicopter parent

Maryz · 28/01/2013 00:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarredfromhavingStella · 28/01/2013 00:26

Fuck me I thought you meant actual diving, not jumping into a fucking swimming pool!!! Jesus I do the former & was going to say YABU, so guess what-I'm now going to say YABVVVU, get over yourself & let him have some fun!!

EllenParsons · 28/01/2013 00:28

Yabu, massively u! He is 16 fgs! You are mollycoddling him too much. At his age he should easily be able to do this with no problem. If you don't let him have any independence and if you go on about dangers you are going to make him paranoid and nervous about everything. You are actually going to damage him by being like this. You are so so so U.

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