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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think i shouldn't have to pay HALF of the holiday, just because i have a child?

415 replies

WhistlingNun · 26/01/2013 14:45

My two friends suggested we should go on a caravan holiday this summer with my 5yo dd (neither of my two friends have children).

We've decided on a self-catering Haven holiday and the total price is approx £450 for the week, including funworks passes etc. Only additional costs would be for food and transport, which we'd pay our own way on when we get there.

Anyway, my friends are expecting me to pay half - so £225 - rather than a third - £150.

They say it's because dd will count towards the price too.

I've just checked how much it would be for me and dd to go alone - on the exact same holiday - and it's still £450 - the same price.

The price is based on size and type of caravan, not how many people are in the group. And since the smallest caravan is 2 bedrooms, it's the same price.

(Hope this is making sense).

Anyway, i'm a bit peed off they expect me to pay £225 and they can just pay £112 each. They've reluctantly agreed to go thirds instead (£150) each, but have said it's just to shut me up, they're not happy about it.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Kalisi · 26/01/2013 16:21

I understand OP, I even agree with you. You should not have to pay extra because dd is there. You should pay half regardless as you have a bigger room!

Your friends have obviously realised this over the years and decided to make a change

PickledInAPearTree · 26/01/2013 16:21

They could go with another couple of adults and pay quarters

Instead they asked you and now have to pay thirds.

Wether you would ask them (easy to say tbh if they are childless and you say you can't afford train) or not your dd is meaning they are out of pocket by going with you.

Which is not fair.

Shakirasma · 26/01/2013 16:21

Children are people too.

HecateWhoopass · 26/01/2013 16:21

So what you think is all that matters?

They are halving the cost of your holiday and that's not good enough for you?

Original poster
WhistlingNun · 26/01/2013 16:22

Horatia - i've said already we pay our own way with everything else. Food, drink, any extra activites, transport etc.

We've always did this, even before dd comes along. One friend pays for herself, the other for herself, and i pay for me and dd.

OP posts:
HoratiaWinwood · 26/01/2013 16:22

Your argument is based on the notion that the daughter doesn't make it more expensive.

That's a logical fallacy.

Going to a holiday park, as opposed to a caravan somewhere with no entertainment or facilities, is necessary because you are bringing your daughter, and more expensive.

EuphemiaLennox · 26/01/2013 16:23

You do know if you took her on a plane you'd have to pay the same price for her seat as for you and your seat don't you?

You do know if you stayed in a twin room in a hotel they would not give you a discount because you 'only' had a child sharing the room with you don't you?

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 26/01/2013 16:24

Then don't go.

Simple

HoratiaWinwood · 26/01/2013 16:25

You reckon you're paying your fair share of the accommodation, which you aren't. So forgive me for wanting you to be explicit about other costs.

PickledInAPearTree · 26/01/2013 16:25

You can't expect not to pay for her forever. What's the cut off point ? 16?

Adults pay for themselves and their children. It's how it works.

I'd go back and offer more as next year you might find yourself not asked at all.

PureQuintessence · 26/01/2013 16:26

If your dd was not going, you could invite a fourth adult for you to room with, and pay £125. Then the cost would be split equally four ways.

Roseformeplease · 26/01/2013 16:26

Firstly, children cost money. They are not free. They are not invisible non-consumers who cost nothing. When they are babies they often get away with being free for a short while. They can travel on a lap on a plane; they exist on milk only so are free in restaurants; they sleep in a cot so hotels rarely charge for them. In holiday cottages (we own one) they are "rated" for insurance purposes based on number of beds. Cots are extra so they don't count in the occupancy numbers.

You have to pay for YOUR child. It might be different if you were holidaying with GPs or with close family. They might be happy to pay extra to save you money. But these are friends and YOUR daughter is taking up a space in a caravan. No doubt she will also take up a space on a train. Yes, sometimes children are cheaper, usually, in the same way OAPs are, to help out those who are less well off. When children / OAPs are cheaper (trains, buses, library fines, museum entries) it is often because they are subsidised by the public purse.

You are expecting your friends to subsidise your child. They are not the government; they do not have tax revenue to use to help out the poor and the needy. It is irrelevant that they have another holiday planned. It doesn't matter if they get pissed every night or whatever they do. YOUR child is taking up a full sized space in a place owner by a company that does not offer child discounts.

Pay it or don't go. YABU and sound very entitled. What else do you expect to have paid for that is your responsibility?

DizzySometimes · 26/01/2013 16:26

OP, in the scenario you've just described, that person would have one room and you'd have another. In that instance, you'd pay half - do you not see the difference? You'd have one room to yourself and your friend and her child would have to pay for the other. It's obvious you don't, and you're now contradicting yourself with the last scenario provided as a lot of people have said it's about the number of rooms not the number of people.

In your scenario, whether you're splitting the cost by number of people or number of rooms, you'd come to the same figure - that you pay half as there are two of you, and you're having one room, whilst your friends have to share two. Either way you look at it, as the person with children, you should pay your share - i.e. a TOTAL room, not a concocted figure that makes you feel better and annoys your friends.

Original poster
WhistlingNun · 26/01/2013 16:26

But, cortana - THEY are adults, which is why i would expect them to contribute, even if it was the same price without them.

I would never dream of asking a CHILD to pay a full share of the holiday, when it costs not a penny more for them being there.

But i can see a lot of you would.

OP posts:
PureQuintessence · 26/01/2013 16:29

If you are discounting your child like this, surely you can see that you are ONE person in a room big enough for two, and they are two. So, you pay for the bedroom.

OddBoots · 26/01/2013 16:29

Child or adult, it makes no difference if they are taking up a space.

The only difference between the two is the responsibility for picking up the cost, an adult should pay their own way, a child should be supported by the person/s responsible for them. No-one has said your daughter should pay for herself in some way, only that as her parent you are responsible for paying the way for both of you.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 26/01/2013 16:30

OH MY GOD! They have agreed to not make you pay, which personally i think is totally unreasonable on your part, so stop trying to force other people round to your way of thinking.

PickledInAPearTree · 26/01/2013 16:30

And I wouldn't dream of asking childless friends to subsidise me.

To be honest until you have paid towards one of these friends children in the future you haven't got any right to any higher moral ground with them at all.

DizzySometimes · 26/01/2013 16:32

I would never dream of asking a CHILD to pay a full share of the holiday, when it costs not a penny more for them being there.

Funny, holiday companies don't agree with you, OP, and neither do your friends. As others have stated, I don't know why you bothered asking. You don't appear to be taking on board what the majority are saying, and I think it's probably better that you cancel this holiday with your friends, since you expect them to subsidise your child's costs until she's an adult. What you seem to have ignored is the fact they're doing you a favour - I guess you could just pay the £450 instead if them wanting you to pay a fair share irritates you so much.

And posters aren't expecting the CHILD to pay, they're expecting the parent to pay their way. If you don't like it, don't go on holiday.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 26/01/2013 16:32

Op I do kinda see your point but in because it's never been an issue before.

I agree with anyfucker though, I do t think this will happen again

PickledInAPearTree · 26/01/2013 16:32

If I was them I'd suggest a separate van each. Wouldn't cost them a lot more, they could have a room each and lie ins without a child about.

Original poster
WhistlingNun · 26/01/2013 16:34

i can see that's why many people think i'm bu.

i have a totally different opinion to the majority of you (and my friends) about whether or not it's fair to charge a child for a holiday which would cost the same even if they weren't there.

You all may see it as price per room, but my friends aren't calculating it that way. They feel is should be based on price per person. If i allowed them a room each and me and dd slept in the living room, they'd still want me to pay half.

It's nothing to do with the fact dd and i will be using a room. And this is what annoys me. Maybe if they DID base price on the room, i'd understand better.

OP posts:
crashdoll · 26/01/2013 16:34

I was originally on your side but now I can see that you are really being unreasonable. I wonder how you'd feel if it was someone else's child that you were essentially paying for...?

HecateWhoopass · 26/01/2013 16:34

Nobody is asking your child to pay!
They're asking you to pay your fair share
one full bedroom. Since you will have the use of one full bedroom.

At least 90% of people on this thread disagree with you - take the hint!

PickledInAPearTree · 26/01/2013 16:34

I think you should pay for me to go to Barbados.