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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think i shouldn't have to pay HALF of the holiday, just because i have a child?

415 replies

WhistlingNun · 26/01/2013 14:45

My two friends suggested we should go on a caravan holiday this summer with my 5yo dd (neither of my two friends have children).

We've decided on a self-catering Haven holiday and the total price is approx £450 for the week, including funworks passes etc. Only additional costs would be for food and transport, which we'd pay our own way on when we get there.

Anyway, my friends are expecting me to pay half - so £225 - rather than a third - £150.

They say it's because dd will count towards the price too.

I've just checked how much it would be for me and dd to go alone - on the exact same holiday - and it's still £450 - the same price.

The price is based on size and type of caravan, not how many people are in the group. And since the smallest caravan is 2 bedrooms, it's the same price.

(Hope this is making sense).

Anyway, i'm a bit peed off they expect me to pay £225 and they can just pay £112 each. They've reluctantly agreed to go thirds instead (£150) each, but have said it's just to shut me up, they're not happy about it.

AIBU?

OP posts:
LittleChimneyDroppings · 26/01/2013 16:12

Theres 4 beds and 4 people going. So you split the cost 4 ways. You need to pay half for you and dd. If theres 3 of you going you split the cost 3 ways. Unfortunately it is a bit of a shock when you have to start paying for kids when they get a bit older, but thats life! So either get a sitter for your dd and pay less, or go with your dd and pay her share.

PickledInAPearTree · 26/01/2013 16:12

They have reluctantly gone thirds to shut you up.

Yep I'd be surprised if they go with you again to be honest.

I'm going away for a weekend with a group and we are paying per room used- I have 2 kids going therefore paying more than someone with one.

ExitPursuedByABear · 26/01/2013 16:13

So why cannot one of your friends go for free then?

HollyBerryBush · 26/01/2013 16:14

whistling

Don't go on the holiday. If you cant agree with the fundamentals like who should pay for what it is going to be the holiday from hell with undercurrents of hostility.

Can I suggest, because an advert popped up on my FB, that you look at The Daily Mail holidays? Similar to The Sun holidays, but you dont have to collect tokens and you can book online today. £15 per head - so £30 - I had a look, there are still lots of parks in the South, mainly Sussex and Devon free during May half term (if you are tied to school holidays)

I have to say, if I wanted to go and get bladdered on holiday, I wouldnt want my friends child there in the morning - and if i were you I wouldnt appreciate a pair of hammered, giggling , stumbling, possibly puking mates falling through the door at stupid o'clock either.

Find somewhere, and go alone with your daughter - honestly you will have much more fun

HecateWhoopass · 26/01/2013 16:14

We understand.
We just don't agree with you.
Its not a case of if only we could understand what you mean we'd say oohhh, well, of course, in that case you are right.

I understand your argument.
I just do not agree that you are right or reasonable

Cortana · 26/01/2013 16:15

"because i don't think a lot of you understand my side of the argument. "

I could scream into a pillow right about now. We do understand, we are not a collective of stupid people who have decided as a group to post here.

You want a holiday with DD that you can not afford.
Friends offer to come along and reduce your holiday costs by 1/2 making the holiday more affordable to you.
You expect this subsidy to be 2/3 of the total cost.
YABU!

ENormaSnob · 26/01/2013 16:15

Your friends are sharing a bed so maybe one of them could go free and you and the other pal pay halves each? Fair?

That way your dd goes free too.

PickledInAPearTree · 26/01/2013 16:16

I see what your saying but I think your wrong.

EuphemiaLennox · 26/01/2013 16:16

Your friends are being penalised by gong on holiday with a child, as if they we're going with another adult who was using the bed space they'd only pay half.

But as you have an idea that children's bed space on holiday should be free and they are reluctantly going along with that they have to pay more.

Why don't you get another adult to come, to take DDs bed, and dd sleep on the sofa? Then you can argue she can be free as she's not taking a chargeable space.

ninja · 26/01/2013 16:16

WhistlingNun - I actually have some sympathy for you and would usually suggest sharing costs amongst adult.

Off track, though, we booked a Pontins apartment for 90 pounds for Monday to Friday last year - a real bargain! Worth checking out as you could go by yourself and it's be cheaper!

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 26/01/2013 16:16

OK so your friends are doing you a favour and your pissed off with them?

Wow wish you were my friend Hmm

HoratiaWinwood · 26/01/2013 16:16

OP, as you've guessed, YABU. Even if you thought differently, by refusing to split the bill the way your friends asked you have been a bit of a grasping Gertie.

You say they are having another, completely different, holiday later in the year. This is a big clue that they don't particularly like Haven and are going so they can see you and do you a favour.

Please confirm you will be splitting food bills 50/50 - not alcohol, obviously, but food.

If you say "but DD doesn't eat as much as an adult" we will know what to think.

DizzySometimes · 26/01/2013 16:17

That's fine, OP, but your friends don't share your POV, and neither do a lot of other posters either. Your point about the child making the holiday more expensive doesn't hold as your friends are making your holiday LESS expensive by going with you. People understand what you are saying, but a large amount disagree with you. Does that not tell you anything at all?

And would you, honestly, expect to pay more than your share with the friend you describe? I wonder, as you'll never be in that scenario yourself. I know this will sound harsh, but it is very easy to be magnanimous hypothetically. If you then had years of paying more than your share, I wonder how you'd then feel.

Shakirasma · 26/01/2013 16:18

Of course we understand your argument, most of us are parents too!

We just think you are wrong, and don't think having kids gives us ridiculous entitlement!.

Original poster
WhistlingNun · 26/01/2013 16:18

Exit - Because theyare an adult. THIS is my point. I think children shouldn't be included in costs UNLESS the holiday costs more as a result of them being there.

In my case, it doesn't. I would never dream of:

Going on holiday with my friend to a 2 bed caravan. There's a spare sleeping space in both rooms (half of the double bed and one of the single beds). She then says, 'Oh, i'll bring my child.' It does not affect the cost at all.

So would it be okay for me to say, "Right, you pay two thirds then, and i'll just pay a third."

Why should it be more expensive for her? The bed was going spare anyway!

OP posts:
bemybebe · 26/01/2013 16:18

i won't be expecting a good friend to pay for her child if adding this child to a holiday won't change the price for adults going. interesting that this seems a minority view here. very telling.

HoratiaWinwood · 26/01/2013 16:18

Crossposted.

We see your argument. Your argument is "I wouldn't charge them". I probably wouldn't either. But it's their choice and you have to swallow it because they are already doing you a £225 favour.

Mutt · 26/01/2013 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentProvocateur · 26/01/2013 16:19

You know your friends are pissed off with you, most people here tell you you're being unreasonable, and why you're being unreasonable, yet you still think that you should only pay a third? Honestly, you'll be lucky if these people are still your friends in six months time. Being tight is a really in attractive quality in a friend.

Original poster
WhistlingNun · 26/01/2013 16:19

Holly, thanks, but i can't do the daily mail holidays because of the dates. There's only specific dates you can go, and there's no guarantee which park they place you. This would interfere with my work and could cost a fortune in transport if i had to travel far.

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByABear · 26/01/2013 16:20

So, can I come and sleep on the sofa, for nothing, it won't add to the cost of the holiday?

ENormaSnob · 26/01/2013 16:20

We do understand what you are saying. We all disagree.

Your friends think you are freeloading.

We all think you are freeloading.

If you are sure you are in the right then carry on but don't be surprised when the invites dry up because you have the reputation of a scrounger who refuses to pay her way.

EuphemiaLennox · 26/01/2013 16:21

We went away with my parents and kids, so needed 3 bedrooms.

We therefore paid 2/3 and my parents 1/3 .

As they only needed 1/3 of the space and my children needed another 1/3 and I needed another 1/3.

To have asked them to pay half to cover my children's costs, because I felt the children should somehow be 'free' would have been unreasonable.

You pay for your kids on holiday, really you do, it's the norm, there is no way around it, taking kids on holiday costs money.

Running out of ways to explain this now...

notso · 26/01/2013 16:21

Whenever we go to shared villas or cottages with my family then we split the accommodation cost between the couples going so DH and I with our DC, My parents and DSis and her boyfriend pay a third each. DH and I always treat everyone to a couple of meals out as obviously they partially fund our DC.
However DH's family wouldn't do this and we would split accommodation by the room.
If I was your friend then I would have gone thirds but I guess many others wouldn't.

Cortana · 26/01/2013 16:21

"Why should it be more expensive for her? The bed was going spare anyway!"

Given that you wanted the holiday for you and DD and the minimum sleeping space is 4 people your friends should go free by your logic. You and DD wanted to go and the bed they are sleeping in would be going spare anyway, right?

(Anyone else thinking about super-soakers and children's parties?)