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AIBU?

To feel so upset regarding contact.

999 replies

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 26/01/2013 13:50

Some of you may know my backstory from the nature of my post. I namechanged a while ago and have been trying to put the past behind me and move forward with 5mo DD.
Me and my ex have a rather volatile relationship. He didn't want me to keep DD. since she has been born he hasn't provided physically or emotionally. He pays half the maintainence he should.
I tried to keep him seeing DD, him coming here, me there (2.5 hour drive). Supervised by me.
I don't want or agree with any child been taken away from their father but he is so inconsistent and to put it bluntly useless it had crossed my mind that it may be better if he goes away.
He has had a new girlfriend who seems to have taken priority since when I was 5 months pregnant.
It's now 22 days since any contact with him. He's ignored my attempts to send pictures and updates and is like to know if I am BU by thinking this is not acceptable and letting it upset me.
I'm a bit of a wreck today. I know this is AIBU but please try to be gentle.

OP posts:

Report

CremeEggThief · 08/03/2013 12:40

Congrats :). Great news!

MrsCosmopilite · 08/03/2013 12:41

Yay! :) [about the job]

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 08/03/2013 12:48

Well done you x

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 08/03/2013 13:45

Such great news well done x

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 08/03/2013 13:49

Congrats Make! Think of it as the first step to your future career.

Ring the CSA and ask them to put a Deduction of EArnings Order on the case, so that his boss HAS to pay. You can tell the mediation your ex has stopped paying maintenance so you don't have the money for mediation - hopefully you'll be awareded legal aid.

Has he contacted you with regard to coming to see DD tomorrow?

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 08/03/2013 13:55

Thank you all

Kitty- he has that in place already but his employer have a set amount of time to pay up

OP posts:

Jux · 08/03/2013 14:30

Hooray! Well done, on all fronts!

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 08/03/2013 14:32

Oh and DD has a new favorite song. Clearly your mother singing 'these boots are made for walking' is hilarious!!
I'm sure she's trying to clap aswell. My neighbours must think I'm strangling a cat!

OP posts:

IneedAsockamnesty · 08/03/2013 14:38

How can you possibly not qualify for legal aid if your only income is MA that's never going to be more than £120 ish a week and he's not paying maintenance, they can only found that as income after you have received it that's why they ask for bank statements

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 08/03/2013 14:45

It is due to my tax credits?!

OP posts:

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 08/03/2013 14:57

I didnt think Tax credits counted against you, CTC is not alot of money either.

Skyebluesapphire · 08/03/2013 15:03

Congratulations!

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 08/03/2013 15:11

Just been told I have to be in the same room as him for mediation

OP posts:

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 08/03/2013 15:21

Told by whom?

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 08/03/2013 15:22

The mediation group and it's 81 each

OP posts:

clam · 08/03/2013 15:25

Well, there's another long-running thread 'hidden' on here where the OP was able to sit in another room and arrive/leave at different times from her ex.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 08/03/2013 15:27

Clam- I know the one
They say I can for the initial assessment but not for actual mediation

OP posts:

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 08/03/2013 15:59

Show Willing, Be Reasonable. It must be intimidating if you worry he will try his usual trick of browbeating. .

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 08/03/2013 16:25

I did ask about code words donkey

OP posts:

Skyebluesapphire · 08/03/2013 17:19

the initial assessment is always on your own anyway. If they don't offer shuttle mediation then ask them why they dont and if they know of a firm who does....

as far as I know, most firms offer it because you cannot expect people in every situation to be able to sit in the same room

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 08/03/2013 17:58

Am I meant to get him a birthday card from dd?

OP posts:

CremeEggThief · 08/03/2013 18:12

No way!

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flow4 · 08/03/2013 18:25

Hey, good news about the job, Make! Well done!

Send Hebe a PM with your questions about mediation. I think you should be able to find another mediator who does offer 'shuttle' mediation, if this one doesn't.

But if worst comes to the worst, one session in the same room with him should show any half-decent mediator that it's not appropriate, because you don't feel confident or safe enough...

Did you ever phone Women's Aid? They might be able to advise...

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 08/03/2013 18:30

When is his birthday? Am I childish to say let's see what you get from DD via him for Mother's Day...?

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 08/03/2013 18:36

I emailed the lady that helped me ages ago that previously worked with women's aid and is now with another charity.
I will wait and see

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