To feel so upset regarding contact.

[MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong]

Some of you may know my backstory from the nature of my post. I namechanged a while ago and have been trying to put the past behind me and move forward with 5mo DD.
Me and my ex have a rather volatile relationship. He didn't want me to keep DD. since she has been born he hasn't provided physically or emotionally. He pays half the maintainence he should.
I tried to keep him seeing DD, him coming here, me there (2.5 hour drive). Supervised by me.
I don't want or agree with any child been taken away from their father but he is so inconsistent and to put it bluntly useless it had crossed my mind that it may be better if he goes away.
He has had a new girlfriend who seems to have taken priority since when I was 5 months pregnant.
It's now 22 days since any contact with him. He's ignored my attempts to send pictures and updates and is like to know if I am BU by thinking this is not acceptable and letting it upset me.
I'm a bit of a wreck today. I know this is AIBU but please try to be gentle.

They are lovely well his aunt in law anyway.
I think he does sadly see it as a competition

You commented upthread it's like he skips emotional attachment and expects 'Pay to view'.

His gf if he still has one will always have his mum hovering in the background any overnight stays or on holiday shouting, "Are you using protection?"

I think she's moved in donkey thus proving I meant nothing. If I had got rid of DD I doubt he would have got engaged and took me on holiday as bribed!
I'm just pondering a parenting thing and don't want to start a new thread so maybe you can help.
Just been to stock up on DDs things and when getting her milk noticed follow on milk. 6 months plus to compliment weaning?
She's on extra hungry and is 6 months and weaning- do I change?!
So So confusingly

I think the follow on is meant to have more iron. Some people disapprove of it (I think because it is the first lot of formula that can be advertised) but I use it for DS (18 mo - he didn't like the toddler milk).

It's up to you whether to switch. Does DD eat a lot of iron rich foods?

She doesn't each much apart from bannana, porridge and mashed potatoes.
Porridge at 11.30
Tea at 3.30
Then a taste of what we have at 6.30ish

She has maybe 5-6 bottles a day, and 5oz water with her tea. Her last bottle is around 6.45 and she sleeps through until 7.15 ish

It's all so confusing

You don't need follow on milk, it's made because they aren't allowed to advertise first milk. If she's happy on the first one just keep her on it.

Just to add, if you're weaning her she'll soon be having a variety of foods anyway so should get everything from her diet.

Brilliant thank you

What your doing sounds fine, you dont want to introduce too much too soon, Porridge is a pretty good source of iron anyway, as she eats more, you can gradually bring the bottles down, thats what i did with DD.

I'm just going with my Mn nickname on it
I am currently wearing spaghetti Bol!!!

Oh the joys of parenting eh Make lol

That and 'fake it 'til you make it' another great motto .

True! Any suggestions of what she might like as I seem to be stuck with porridge, fruit pots, banana and mash

twunts always got an ulterior motive hasn't he. This ones very clever...
He has had a day off in the week but wants to see her Sunday at his parents? Hmmm why is this do we think? Any reason to behave extra twuntish?

Oh yes.
It's flipping Mother's Day. My first Mother's Day.
Well no, they won't be seeing her Sunday as this may sound mad, selfish and bizarre as yes it's a normal day. But it's our first Mother's Day and my mum just dropped in that I am not allowed anywhere or to make plans on Sunday.
Pickles dog and dd have been acting rather shifty you know...

Tell him to bugger off! (More politely than that though...)

Well tough shitty witty then aint it, tell him in plain english, that its mothers day are you are VERY busy. Saturday, is the only day he can come to you and see her.

Tough tough tough

On which I would be more than accommodating because I am nice

Hopefully by that point make will have some legal advice and will be in the process of arranging formal contact with him.

Thats in June, so theres 3 months for that.

Stick to your guns. Offer to meet him at the aquarium or wherever - you set the date and start/end time. Do not go to him or meet him at his parents house. For one, it's too far. Secondly, as your mum isn't allowed there, they'll just bully you while you're there. I believe that legally you don't have to allow any relatives other than the other parent have contact. Not even grandparents have any rights to see a grandchild. If any other family members want to see her, that's not your problem. Anyway, they are welcome to meet you at the aquarium where you'll be along with your mum .

The aunt and uncle sound lovely. Do you have their contact details?

Great news about the job interview! You'll walk it, I'm sure. At this stage I wouldn't give your ex any indication that you're looking for work, especially if (when!) you're offered a position, as he'll use it as a stick to beat you with. You know, things like 'what kind of mother leaves a baby so she can work?' etc, but do not let him put you off achieving your dream.

Is just so sad. To be honest kitty I have the email but I think they have turned against me too by now so I can't really.
If he finds out bout work etc I can't win either way. One way I'm a benefit scrounger the other I'm leaving DD.

What he won't know is I'm planning on working 3 nights a week (I am great on lack of sleep and power naps) to minimise disruption to my parents, avoid childcare and avoid missing anything with DD until sept when I go to college.
I just panic now about if anything happens to me, illness wise (I would cope, etc its just DDs welfare). Life insurance helps in a way.
He's had all the details regarding a visit, it started off a visit this week, now it's the weekend, he won't confirm everything it's Thursday tommorow- I know they won't see her. For some reason even though I know I've done all I can its still a kick in the teeth.
Playgroup again tomo, as its on. Got to do a food shop, and then crash as I've actually been invited out Saturday night for a girls night. Dreading it but still, have to give it a try.
On the plus side, we have has the gas man here all afternoon fixing our gas. He just left, was nice eye candy. I have been left when I realised he thought my Dad was my husband!!
I am not sure what one out of the three was more embarrassed! Luckily DD woke up right on cue. Heehee

Ok, just leave it with the aunt and uncle. Tbh I doubt they're as taken in by him as much as you think they might be. But contacting them might not be a good idea and could stir up trouble.

With regard to contact, whatever you do don't give in to him seeing her on Sunday - you have plans! It's your first Mother's Day and you deserve to spend it with DD and your family, not having to deal with your ex's mardy mug. This messing you and DD about just isn't on. Maybe send a message saying 'As I informed you earlier this week, you are welcome to come and see DD on Saturday at x place from x time to x time. If you don't confirm by tomorrow evening I'll assume you won't be coming and will make alternative plans to suit DD.'

I wouldn't acknowledge it being Mother's Day, just say what SoftKitty suggests.

It's like herding cats, trying to establish what's going to happen with ex.

Meanwhile you are calm, unflappable. It's like teaching children a foreign language. Patient repetition, spelling things out clearly.