to fart in public?

[FlatsInDagenham]

I mean when nobody can hear me, such as noisy soft play or when I find myself in a conveniently empty aisle at the supermarket.

Does everyone do this or is it just me?

[Trinpy]

I once tried to let out a quiet fart in a library. Unfortunately it turned out to be very, very loud. Everyone in the reference section (would be the quietest, most grown-up part of the library, wouldn't it? ) turned to look at me. They all tried to be polite and pretend it hadn't happened with the exception of one studenty-looking guy who burst out laughing. Mortifying.

[marjproops]

My mum was in hospital once in her bed and the priest came round to give communion. she took communion, and as she went to lie down again she let out a howler, and bless his socks, the priest burst out laughing and asked her when she left hoz would she like to join the church music group in the wind section!!!!
mum was well embarrassed.

[TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras]

OMG I have let rip (laughing) at this thread. I do furtive farts around Tesco making sure no one is behind me and smiling to myself.

Worst thing is I am so uptight about it, a fart cost me a job!

I was working at a very prestigious accountancy firm in London and was having a meeting in one of the partner's offices. I was desperately clenching but to no avail . It was silent but so deadly, we just looked at each other and carried on talking. I'd only been there a few days and it would have been a career changing job but I could'nt go back as I was so mortified and thought that the guy would never take me seriously again .

[florry88]

does nayone else have a problem in libraries, ever since I was really small i either need to fart a lot or need a poo, every time I go to a library, seriously!

[austenozzy]

I let one go in Ickworth Park (big national trust place in suffolk) thinking it was just me and the dog - but no, there was a group of walkers right beside me. I couldn't blame the dog as I did that lean-to-one-side-and-slightly-lift-a-leg thing so as not impede the trumping, and it made a much louder sound than even my gluttonous labrador could manage!

[MixedClassBaby]

I once forgot I had a student in detention on the back row of desks in my room when I dropped a very loud one at my desk at the end of the school day. When it dawned on me that he was there I had to leave the room to laugh hysterically with a colleague and then compose myself before going back in and pretending nothing had happened.

2 year old DD laughed and said 'ooh, a duck!'today after she farted, I was so proud!

[Schooldidi]

MixedClass my dd2 (2yo) has a bum duck that follows her around. Whenever anyone farts she shouts 'was that your bum duck?'. I'm raising a classy child

[BabsAndTheRu]

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance

Yes, can identify all the different fragrances of my household. Deep joy.

[3monkeys3]

I try not to, but I am a ridiculously embarrassed about bodily functions sort of person. I never fart in front of my dh either, but do in front of my dc. My dh farts loads - I have been known to announce to people near us that it was him (he thinks this is funny btw) - he does really childish things like farting and then locking ne in the car with the windows up! I remember once we walked up to the church in which we were going to get married in a few weeks and were having a nice, cuddly moment at the gate and he did a huge, smelly fart - ranks amongst one of my favourite moments with him, always makes me giggle when I think about it.

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

It's a talent that comes in handy when it's necessary to remind the offender about the correct use of the loo brush.

[3monkeys3]

My mother in law has started farting a lot recently! We were at theirs and I made a big fuss about it to ds1, who I thought it was - 'was that you, you stinky thing, say pardon me' (in jovial tone!) and dh told me later that it was mil!

[Cortana]

I was once on the leather couch and DP sat at the computer desk. I let out a big long steady one, leather and farts make awesome noises. DP asked why the dog was growling and went to check on him. Perfect crime.

[HoobleDooble]

I once let out a cheese-cutter in the middle of choir practice in the church hall. It was so loud it took me ages to convince my friend next to me that it wasn't my wooden chair scraping on the floor!

[NumericalMum]

Are you on my train OP?

[FlatsInDagenham]

Oh god Mixed I've forgotten students in my room after school too, then when I've noticed they're there I've desperately tried to remember whether I've done the stinky deed or not. I'm usually pretty guff-tastic at the end of the school day having been holding them all in for 5 lessons straight!

[Gintonic]

I used to work in a bar, and the smoke was the perfect cover for the most noxious of trumps.
Unfortunately the smoking ban put an end to all that.

[INeedThatForkOff]

In my early twenties, whenever I started spending the night with a new boyfriend, I would dread farting in my sleep. It worried me to the point where my stomach would get crampy, so inevitably I would parp, wake myself up, then lie there motionless and mortified, wondering if the lucky man had heard it

[BadLad]

"It is a foolish man* who puts good manners before good health"

*delete as appropriate - that's just how I remember the quote.

[roastednut]

Crying laughing at this thread!! I was another one who would dread sleeping over at a new bfs in case it happened during the night (which it always did without fail). That awful heart stopping moment when it wakes you up.

[thismumismad]

I am wheezing, I'm laughing so much at this thread, pure joy. Farting tickles me something chronic. At work once a colleague of mine let one rip as she got up from the table, I needed my inhaler after laughing so hard

[Smellslikecatspee]

BUM DUCK.?BUM DUCK.?

I love it, I now have, well, OH has a BUM DUCK , I have SBDs

That is just ducking hysterical

[SaggyOldPregnantCatpuss]

Oh GOD! Its almost compulsory right now!

[BadLad]

So a name change to Smellslikecatshit might be in order.

[SaggyOldPregnantCatpuss]

Nice! Apparently it's a side effect of having a bun in the oven!