Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

AIBU?

to fart in public?

108 replies

FlatsInDagenham · 23/01/2013 15:34

I mean when nobody can hear me, such as noisy soft play or when I find myself in a conveniently empty aisle at the supermarket.

Does everyone do this or is it just me?

OP posts:

Report

SecretNutellaFix · 23/01/2013 19:16

I work in a place which is frequented by lots of small toddlers whose parents allow the to roam freely.

It has been known that I find an unattended toddler and drop a silent but deadly next to them and as I walk off, Mum or Dad appears and whisks them off for an unexpected nappy change

KenDoddsDadsDog · 23/01/2013 19:16

Fart Blanche has just nearly choked me laughing

Stonefield · 23/01/2013 19:17

Do it in an empty lift just before you get out, brilliant!

Binkyridesagain · 23/01/2013 19:22

My best 2 farts ever have both been bedtime ones.
1- DS was sleeping at the side if our bed as his room was being decorated, as I was snuggling down with my arse near the edge I let out a ripper, DS sat bolt upright, fast asleep, shouted 'oh mum' at me then led back down, still asleep.
2 snuggling down again in bed, this time the dog was standing at the side of the bed, DH was walking towards the bedroom, he heard me let out another cheek trembler and saw the dog collapse side ways on to the floor as though his legs has been swept from underneath him.

I'm a farter, in the mornings it's how I talk to DH, he asks questions, I fart!

HousewifeFromHeaven · 23/01/2013 19:24

Ooh I was born in the flats near the dagenham morrisons.

FlatsInDagenham · 23/01/2013 19:25

I'm a teacher and once coughed and inadvertently farted at the same time in year 11 assembly whilst standing right next to (and I'm talking inches away from) my form class. A quick scan of nearby faces reassured me that my secret was safe - the cough must have covered it. Thank the Lordy lord!

OP posts:

FlatsInDagenham · 23/01/2013 19:30

Binky, love how you're keeping a list of best farts - bit like one of those countdown top 100 programmes ...

OP posts:

ThePathanKhansWitch · 23/01/2013 19:44

Oh God, the worst ones are the hot ones that stuck in your tights.

Oh and the Sonic Boom that pounds off the loo in the morning.

magimedi · 23/01/2013 19:46

My local Waitrose has a lift.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 23/01/2013 19:50

Binky Do you have a code? One fart for yes and two farts for no?

Mrsrobertduvall · 23/01/2013 19:50

Our Pilates class on a Monday night are always interesting.
16 menopausal women with bad pelvic floors and appalling rectal control.

Binkyridesagain · 23/01/2013 19:53

No more technical than that, my arse uses morse code

EugenesAxe · 23/01/2013 19:53

Sitting waiting for DS to fall asleep and I've got cheekache from holding in the guffaw I wanted to expel after reading Sonic Boom.

BadgersRetreat · 23/01/2013 19:55

We met a couple on holiday once, and about 2 days in she sneezed and farted at the same time when we were all sunbathing - you have never seen 4 middle aged people piss themselves laughing so much. I thought i was going to have an anyeurism

farts are funny, they just are

Hegsy · 23/01/2013 19:58

Yes I do this to. One of the guys in my work kind of tripped once walking past another girls desk and made a loud fart. To this day he still insists it wasn't a fart but he did it with his mouth intentionally and no way could he fart anyway as he's had a fartsectomy

Posterofapombear · 23/01/2013 19:58

I loves a good public fart me!
DD (18 months) also loves a public fart and will lift up her leg, fart, then laugh. Ladylike.

Binkyridesagain · 23/01/2013 20:02

DH has been suffering from wind all day, problem is he's been wearing salopets and a waterproof coat so nothing has had chance to escape, he took his coat off when he came home and nesrly passed out due to sudden release of very noxious gas.

katykoo · 23/01/2013 20:09

Curry farts, old man farts, silent but deadly farts, follow through farts, wet farts, no two farts are the same.

florry88 · 23/01/2013 20:12

I was stayng at a nurses home in coventry as part of my training, it was an awful place, ( the nurses home not covernty) I sneeked my boyfriend in one weekend ( my husband now!) and I woke up one morning, both of us in a single bed and let out the loudest trump ever. 16 years later we still talk about the coventry poop.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 23/01/2013 20:18

Ok - I feel bold enough to ask, as I appear to be among friends...

Can anyone else walk into an empty bathroom in their house and just know which fecker made that smell?

themindwonders · 23/01/2013 20:18

my tummy hurts from laughing so much at this thread

oh and i'm glad i'm not the only one who blames the toddler

Smellslikecatspee · 23/01/2013 20:20

Mrs Bert I applaud you!

I do a great line in SBDs, where as OH tends to be all noise, so I do like to let him take the blame

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Glittertwins · 23/01/2013 20:20

Thank you for making my day, I can't stop laughing at these admissions!!

Sallyingforth · 23/01/2013 20:30

If he can do it, so can you!

Mrsrobertduvall · 23/01/2013 20:30

Has anyone mentioned farting during sex?
I find it gets dh to huury up and get it over with quite quickly.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.