Dimwitted cousin, ill-judged pregnancy and announcement of baby shower

[BupcakesAndCunting]

Backstory here

why oh why am I setting myself up for another arsekicking?

Just got a text from cousin's mum (my aunt) as cousin does not have my number (intentionally actually) "Hi jst so u no my baby shower will be in June so dont make eny plans!" (forwarded message written by cousin)

WHAT??

So 1. You're doing a fucking save the date for an occasion designed for people to lavish gifts upon you? Hmmmm kay.... and 2. No-one can make any plans for the entire month of June, lest they miss the chance to come and shower you with gifts?

Would I BU to text back "Just fuck off"?

"So first of all your cousin was wrong for getting pregnant then she was wrong for telling people and now your aunt is wrong for throwing her a baby shower?"

Nooooooooooooooooo.

If you go back and read my OP s-l-o-w-l-y, you will see that she is organising it herself and her mother sent the cousin's text message to me (a FORWARDED message) because she doesn't have my number.

Glad I could help.

Wilson, you are forgiven It's easy to judge us judges when you haven't had to be a judge yourself

I am actually laughing. Big Loud Belly Laughs at your OP.

Take that to Dragon's Den, kungfu. You will be quids in.

I think so. If it is a success I might branch out into:

Mowing My Lawn and Weeding My Vegetable Patch Fun-Days
Spring-Cleaning My House Corporate Bonding Weekends

Just scrolling back through the backstory and I see that I predicted imminent announcement of bubbah showa on there.

So now I can be angry, snobby AND SMUG.

Snangug.

I love the bit about KFC curing morning sickness. I don't even care if you made it up. It's priceless.

Peng means good looking by the way. As in he's so peng.

I can host a Sock Sorting Soiree.

Sounds like my sil.
Who is as mad as a box of (chavvy) frogs.
You have to go bups.
We neeeeed to know what happens.
Will it be Ann summers themed do you think?
:)

"I love the bit about KFC curing morning sickness. I don't even care if you made it up."

I didn't make it up :(

OK I might go. It will be Greggs/Iceland themed.

Would I BU to text back "Just fuck off"?

It sounds like that is the only reasonable course of action.

YWNBU

How much notice!! Yet no exact date.

I hate baby showers regardless of who organises them, may as well just send out a card saying i demand you buy me a gift as im pregnant. Very grasping and horribly cheesy.

From the sound of it you don't want to have any interaction with this cousin, so texting "fuck off" will solve your problems.

Peng?

Peng means "preggerz but can still pull da menz" I think

Friend was invited to a colleague's baby shower organised by pengzilla and held in the shop complete with warm Asti Spumante, twiglets and a list of baby 'essentials' (wet wipe warmer, cashmere blanket, gold plated dummy) from mamas and papas.

You sound charming OP.

Suffolk and NFK - would you like to be my business partners?

It would be helpful to have someone else involved for when I need the company to get ME out of one of a certain relative's showy-offy dinner party invitations which come periodically when he has something new in the house he wants everyone to admire, or some new fancy recipe he wants to brag about or some success story to share.

He once summonsed invited us to one that he was hosting for some wealthy, country-set type clients and told us openly that we were being invited to help impress them. He told us what things he wanted us to "drop" into the conversation - I had to tell people that I was a partner in a law firm. DP had to make it clear that he worked "in the city." We were to mention our respective Oxford and Cambridge degrees at every possible opportunity and make it clear that my family had been north country gentry.

We were not, under any circumstances, to let it slip that the law firm in question contained all of three people, and was a legal aid firm situated above a pound shop which had recently been burned out in an arson attack. Nor was DP to make it clear that he was not an investment banker. And I was not permitted to admit that the gentry-connection was about seven generations back and that the relevant family member had been disinherited and finished up running a dockside pub.

Fortunately it snowed and got cancelled. But I'm waiting for the next invite....

Perfect present?

Tough one bups, I have far too many family members like this, it's a bloody pain, with their lovely chavtastic ways. They think I'm a snob too.

All the:

Lif is jus 2 shit, wat am a doin ere? Sort of shit. Drives me mental. I'll happily be a snob if it means I am bloody different to them.

Being a snob = having standards.

Hehe too true.

For her present, get her some contraceptives.

Oooo you are awful bupcakes! I have to admit, I like your style and returns to those who have called you up on this. Sort of thing I would say, love the moral high-ground thing too!

Your cousin sounds like a real tit, that poor baby.