Dimwitted cousin, ill-judged pregnancy and announcement of baby shower

[BupcakesAndCunting]

Backstory here

why oh why am I setting myself up for another arsekicking?

Just got a text from cousin's mum (my aunt) as cousin does not have my number (intentionally actually) "Hi jst so u no my baby shower will be in June so dont make eny plans!" (forwarded message written by cousin)

WHAT??

So 1. You're doing a fucking save the date for an occasion designed for people to lavish gifts upon you? Hmmmm kay.... and 2. No-one can make any plans for the entire month of June, lest they miss the chance to come and shower you with gifts?

Would I BU to text back "Just fuck off"?

Here Bups, you might like one of these to put up next she comes round

Poster

That was meant nicely, BTW, don't hurt me.

My cousin has a video baby monitor. She uploads these 'bunneh seepsies' (that's bunny sleeps, meaning her one year old child) onto facebook/twitter/youtube. Nothing happens. It's literally CCTV footage of a small child asleep, night after night.

So first of all your cousin was wrong for getting pregnant then she was wrong for telling people and now your aunt is wrong for throwing her a baby shower?

As daft as I think they are, each to there own you can either attend or not. Do you reall have to dig about everything she does?

Perhaps when she goes into labour you can find something wrong with how she does that or the name she picks and any baby equipment she buys, you can be that bad tempered relative that picks fault with everything and has a constant cats bum face.

Have you told her about nethuns Bups?
Will give her something to do between Jezza repeats (helpful)

Jaw dropped halfway down thread, I'd assumed the Backstory link in OP was that thing I read before Christmas, but the thread before Christmas was T&B's saga. Two of them dear god...

And Carpe makes three...

Oh I was so judgey pants about your original thread and now one of my FB friends has gone the same way. Just 'had' to tell the world about her bump and bubz at 5 weeks gone and now there are three status updates a day about sickness/lack of sickness/energy/lack of energy/coffee being bad for bubz/lucozade great for bubz/making a happy home with her deadbeat ex who has NOT changed

I most heartily apologise and prostrate myself at the feet of Bups while similtaneously picking my judgeypants out of my bumoley. Hunz.

Can you take a hidden video camera?

'bunneh seepsies'

OP, I don't think Booyhoo was having a go but maybe she wonders if there is some sort of back story/history with your cousin that we do not know about and that is why her text has pissed you off so much.

Bup you do make me laugh! Can we help you come up with taking the piss appropriate presents??!!

Dammit, Suffolk has beaten me and come up with a brilliant present suggestion.

Get her a mooncup and smile

Bupcakes,I'll see your "I don't want to attend the baby shower" and raise you "not being wanted at a baby shower" !

First BS I was ever asked to attend for friend of 8 years. Her best friend emailed everyone including me the details. 'Friend' caught wind of baby shower plans (it was a surprise) and started moaning to me about how she wanted a smaller party and actually said "..I don't want so many people, she's invited the bloody world to this thing, she's even invited YOU!"

I was more than and even more than !

I declined the invite.

And I hate the idea of a baby shower. It's grasping.

Just read the back story. I would just text back and say you will let her know nearer the time and when she has set a specific date. 5 months notice for a baby shower is a bit far in advance. You could always throw a sickie or something when the time comes.

Hold on a merry minute here.

There is NO option for Bupcakes not to go to this event. It's her civic duty to go and report back minute by minute to us all.

As you were.

Yes Bups must go, we demand it. She must take pics and everything. I will be deferring all my holiday plans for those dates so I can get the updates.

Sounds like you really aren't keen on your cousin OP, given her past has rankled you so. It would be unreasonable to text back Fuck off, it would not be unreasonable to send back a text to say 'can you let me know the date as soon as possible please, June gets booked up quickly for me and so sooner is better to see if i can come'.

Then chose whether you want to go or not. You've pre-warned her that you won't hold all of June for her now.

Suffolk, I've got some lovely pre shat loved ones if you fancy coming to some kind of arrangement?

I'm going to start a business running "Readymade Excuse Events."

When there's something you want to get out of, call me and I shall instantly host something on that date. I'll even send you an actual invitation so you can put a picture of it on Facebook as proof.

There will be a variety of options:

The Watching Online Shopping Channels Party
The Doing Cutting and Sticking With My Three-Year Old Party
The Staring at the Wall Weekend

There will be various extras available - such as a set of photos to show people afterwards. And a text service to send timed messages saying "wish I was at ur partee hunz. bet its sooooo much bettur than this 1"

And please, pleeeeeease text back and say "Which June?"

Ooh yes yes, do what suffolk said, I have a mei tei kicking about, tell her she must wear the baby at all times or it won't know its loved download placenta recipes for her and book her a session with the lady who makes placenta prints and jewelry.

Pre shat