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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to hold a wedding reception on sister's birthday?

345 replies

Sexolette · 19/01/2013 17:04

I'll keep it short.

We recently had a tiny, family only wedding with the plan always being to have a party in the summer.

We are organising said party now and have juat sent out info to people to hold the date.

My sister has told me that obviously she is not coming as it's her birthday and why would she want to go to someone else's party on that day.

I haven't risen to the bait. Am I being unreasonable to hold the party on that date? ?

It's not a milestone birthday, mid twenties.

OP posts:

Spidermama · 19/01/2013 17:24

You should probably have run it by her before asking people. Just a quick call or even text of email to say 'We're looking at 6th of June for our reception but realise it's your birthday. How would you feel about that?' then at some point during the reception get someone to mention its her birthday and everyone can sing happy birthday to her.

I am surprised so many grown ups on here think you're raining on her parade. A wedding reception is a far bigger deal than a birthday without an 0 on the end, surely.

DoodlesNoodles · 19/01/2013 17:24

What do your parents think about this? (if relevant )

DawnOfTheDee · 19/01/2013 17:24

I agree that people don't own dates but if there's an option to pick between a date that a) is your sister's birthday or b) isn't your sister's birthday then the sensible option is b).

MsVestibule · 19/01/2013 17:25

I can't believe you didn't ask her first. It honestly wouldn't cross my mind to book a party on one of my close family members birthdays without checking with them first.

I don't think I'm overly precious about birthdays, but I'd be pissed off if I was your sister.

Narked · 19/01/2013 17:25

You are already married. This is a party to celebrate that. You had 365 days to choose from and you've decided on that one.

You're waiting months to do it, why pick her birthday?

MoominmammasHandbag · 19/01/2013 17:25

So does everyone else celebrate their birthday with some big party that can only take place on the actual date of their birthday then? Clearly I am missing out here and so are all my friends. Dinner with family, possibly close friends too, is the only thing that happens on birthdays in my circle ( apart from milestone ones). And even then we are flexible about the date.

Original poster

Sexolette · 19/01/2013 17:25

We don't live near to each other, so no sharing.

The whole point of letting people know today was checking their diaries.

I'm not looking for another date, this is the one that suits us re children and holidays

OP posts:

Pancakeflipper · 19/01/2013 17:27

Is it such a big deal of someone's event happening on your birthday if it's not a special birthday?

Birthdays are great cos' you can have celebrations at point in your birthday week.

I would think it was brill if it was my birthday but you'd have to bring me a cake and have everyone sing happy birthday to me .

My best mate had her wedding on my birthday and it was great. I was bridesmaid and got to wear a great dress,had my hair done for free, got my photo taken alot, had a lovely meal then a great boogie in the evening with lots of friends.

mrsjay · 19/01/2013 17:27

yabu any other but her Birthday you both sound like kids though im not coming blah blah ,

Pinot · 19/01/2013 17:27

You're young to get married then. I was 22, seems barmy to me now still happy though.

I digress.

Maybe sister wants to be married and has the hump that you're flaunting it on her date? That'd be uncomfortable.

Either way though, you've been unthoughtful choosing that date so maybe call your sister to stop it escalating into an argybargy? I have 2 sisters and we can row like cats given half a chance. And elder sister shares her birthday with my DH so I'm used to balancing on that tightrope!

Foggles · 19/01/2013 17:27

It's quite clear from the way you post that you and your sister do not have a close relationship and you don't give a flying fig whether she comes to your reception or not.

HermioneE · 19/01/2013 17:27

Now I get why drip feeding is annoying. So there was some text conversation prior to the save the date cards going out, but it didn't stop you going ahead, and we don't know whether it was then or after the card that she said she wouldn't come.

Anything else forthcoming OP?

Gomez · 19/01/2013 17:28

Was your sister at the actual wedding?

Nanny0gg · 19/01/2013 17:28

OP, why did you ask?

And like many others, I think it was tactless at best and thoughtless at worst.

Pinot · 19/01/2013 17:29

I wonder if the sister is a MNer?

Original poster

Sexolette · 19/01/2013 17:30

I have not sent save the date cards!!!!

Just a preliminary text.

Yes she was at the wedding.

OP posts:

StairsInTheNight · 19/01/2013 17:30

YABU.

She might have plans. On her birthday. Surely that's usual?

Pandemoniaa · 19/01/2013 17:30

I'm not looking for another date, this is the one that suits us re children and holidays

Then I can't see any reason for you to have bothered posting this thread in the first place. You are clearly quite confirmed about the rightness of what you've done. Your sister is quite clearly being precious about it and everyone on here who questions your decision is bonkers. The End.

thefirstmrsrochester · 19/01/2013 17:31

I don't see the issue.
I got married on my niece & nephews 6th birthday. Was the Saturday closest to a particularly significant date for me & DH.
Nobody got their knickers in a twist. The twins were part of the wedding party, the family were assembled together so everyone got to see them and pride of place beside the cake were birthday cakes for them. After the best mans speech, happy birthday was sang, they (with help) sliced their cakes & dished it out to the guests. And after the wedding waltz, happy birthday by Stevie wonder was played & the twins were burled around the dance floor by the gp's.
They got their gifts at the reception and all in, SIL was thankful she hadn't a party to organise for them.
It is only one day and its entirely possible to celebrate your sisters birthday at your ceremony/reception.
Lovely lovely minister also made reference to niece & nephew sharing their special day.
It can be done, it's just how you play it.

mrsjay · 19/01/2013 17:31

well it is only a party why cant you find another day for it then your sister wont think you are stealing her thunder,

catkind · 19/01/2013 17:31

NBU to use that day, but maybe you could have told her more tactfully? I'm sure you'd have sung happy birthday to her I'd grovel a bit, and ask her if she could consider celebrating her birthday with her friends on another day, as it was the only date that worked for you and your venue? Make her feel like you care and perhaps she'll make an exception and save a family rift?

fivefoottwowitheyesofblue · 19/01/2013 17:31

YABU particularly because it is not the only date available to you, just the most 'suitable'.

It is not odd that your sister is choosing not to go, it is odd that you chose that date.

Bluestocking · 19/01/2013 17:32

I think your sister's reaction is completely unreasonable! Adults who get protective about their birthdays need to grow up and act their age, not their shoe size. However, if you're "not that close", I'm willing to bet that there's some baggage here you're not telling us about.

Celticlassie · 19/01/2013 17:32

Why the hell would it matter? I would be quite happy for my sister to get married on my birthday.

YANBU

Rosa · 19/01/2013 17:33

Had my wedding on d niece birthday we put a happy birthday banner and balloons on her chair and gave her a cake as well. She also ( very proud) read a lesson in the church. She loved it and she now sends me rude fun texts on our anniversary as she doesn't forget the date. i would say ok fine have a good birthday SIL or come along and celebrate..silly woman.

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