Aibu to hold a wedding reception on sister's birthday?

[Sexolette]

I'll keep it short.

We recently had a tiny, family only wedding with the plan always being to have a party in the summer.

We are organising said party now and have juat sent out info to people to hold the date.

My sister has told me that obviously she is not coming as it's her birthday and why would she want to go to someone else's party on that day.

I haven't risen to the bait. Am I being unreasonable to hold the party on that date? ?

It's not a milestone birthday, mid twenties.

[skaen]

The Op of cours hasn't bothered to say anything either about what makes that weekend the only possible one - e.g. why they have to have that one to accommodate their fortnightly commitment, holidays and every other thing they have going on in their lives.

If her sister will have to travel to go to the party which would mean her missing out on her preferred birthday celebrations then I don't see why what seems to be a reasonably polite refusal should cause the Op to throw her toys out of the pram.

[MollyMurphy]

haven't read the whole thing TBH but off the original post I'd say your sister is being childish IMO....it's just a birthday - they come every year and she is an adult FFS.

[pigletpower]

Bloody hell Boney! Who's pissed on your chips?!

[pigletpower]

Obviously some posters have their 'tongue in cheek' radar off today. Must be the weather.[hmmm]

[pigletpower]

Obviously some posters have their 'tongue in cheek' radar off today. Must be the weather.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

trixy

I think setting a date that you know will piss someone off is childish and throwing a strop.

Puds

There are many threads about first birthdays that haven't been attended, you didn't kick up a fuss, I didn't go to my nieces first birthday and it is still brought up 12 years later.

Piglet

Being a discussion forum I thought that we were here to have a discussion.

[newNN]

I'm another one who cannot see what the sister has done wrong.

As has been said this is not a wedding. It's a party to celebrate a wedding which took place ages ago.

The OP has prioritised all her other commitments, so can't condemn her sister for prioritising her own birthday.

As is often said on threads, it's an invitation, not a court summons. OP has every right to have her party whenever she wants. The sister has every right to decline the invitation.

[WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome]

I read it as being a delayed reception ie a bit more significant than just "a party". Might've got that wrong though!

[Foggles]

I wonder if the OP got married on Christmas Day.

After all, nothing else happens on that day.

(I know, I know, I am childish for liking Christmas)

[DontmindifIdo]

Well, it looks like the sister actually went to the wedding itself, so I can't see what's wrong with not going to the party as well.

I really don't get how you can book a summer event this close to the date and assume noone will already have plans. A large number of people will have already booked their summer holidays or accepted going to other weddings. You'd have thought the OP would have at least checked the date with key people (both families, v close friends) first...

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

But it's a party 6 months this later. What are people meant to say 'congrats on being married six months?' Are you expecting more congratulations on your actual anniversary six months afterwards?

The OP chose that date as she had other plans. All of which are more important than her sisters birthday. Her sister is therefore entitled to think that her plans are more important than her sisters very delayed party.

I still don't get why you think that 6 months after you've got married people will care.

[Lueji]

Whereas a birthday can be celebrated at any time, so does a wedding reception, particularly of a wedding that has already happened and the Sis went to.

The main thing is that the OP should have cleared it with the Sis, or simply accept that she might not want or be able to go.
It could have been another commitment.

[trixymalixy]

boney the OP has said that it didn't occur to her that her sister would mind. It would have been childish if she had chosen that date deliberately to piss off her sister. She didn't and was genuinely perplexed that an adult would be that bothered about it, so not in any way childish.

You seem rather invested in this, are you the childish stroppy birthday princess sister by any chance?

And I read it as being a delayed wedding reception too so a bit more than just a party.

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

The sister didn't just say she couldn't come

She said why should she come. THAT is childish

[Anothercuppatea]

Just wanted to say, it wouldn't bother me if I was your sister. I don't see birthdays as a big deal. I'm clearly in minority though.
And I would have checked with her first if I had been in your position- seems polite to do so.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

Trixy

The OP said that she was taken back by her sisters response, I'm taking that to mean that the younger sister usually just goes along and the OP gets her way.

The OP also posted that it would cause the mother some upset but the sister would be given time to come round to her way of thinking. So we have emotional blackmail and the OP's narcissistic tendencies, link this with her "I don't care" attitude and you can see why they aren't close.

"You seem rather invested in this, are you the childish stroppy birthday princess sister by any chance?"

the perfect response killing question, I could equally ask "are you a sock puppet for the OP"

The sister has said that she would rather go to her own party, she obviously has something planned and this has annoyed the OP.

[ajandjjmum]

Well my SIL had the nerve to arrange her father's funeral on my birthday - how inconsiderate was that!!!

Jokes. I didn't give a monkeys, but suspect that comes of having had more birthdays than I would wish.

I would have thought a conversation explained why you were thinking of that date, before setting it in stone, might have overcome all the grief.

[Fakebook]

I don't think YABU. My wedding was on my dn's birthday. No one really gave a shit tbh. One of my cousins had a birthday on that date too and they had a mini party around their table at the reception. I don't understand why people are telling you you're in the wrong and the weird assumptions of sibling rivalry is just hilarious!

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

Boney

OR. Sister has nothing planned (6 months in advance, not a landmark birthday), Op has had no previous reason to think sis would be put out by attending a family gathering on her birthday, so forgets to run it past her, and sis is pissed

Bit much to call the Op narcissistic. Thoughtless, maybe.

[trixymalixy]

Add message | Report | Message poster Sexolette Sat 19-Jan-13 17:18:10
Nice try Pinot, but neither.

It actually didn't occur to me that she would have a problem with it.

You see I read what the OP actually said rather than extrapolating wildly.

[Binkybix]

I see what you mean Jamie - but I think it's the attitude that the (vanished) OP approached this with here that has got some people's backs-up - ie not accepting that it would have been polite to talk to the sister first, being clear that all her other commitments were also super-important, being uppity with people who disagree etc.

If the sister doesn't have/want to plan something specific then I agree she is being stroppy if she doesn't go, but if she does have something I think she's fine not to. She did go to the wedding itself, and a party 6 month afterwards does seem to be dragging it out somewhat.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

Trixy
only have every other weekend free and have some other holidays booked in which mqke this the best date

It's not the only date, but as I have explained above it's the date which best suits us.

I'm not looking for another date

I am comfortable with my choice and thinky sister is being ridiculous.

Will see about patching it up once everything confirmed, more for my mum than anything else, She will probably change her mind nearer the time, or at least I will provide her the opportunity to do so.

Everything is on her terms even the patching up, she could even change the whole thing to another date but won't. Her sisters feelings have been completely dismissed.

But if you want to quote one thing that makes your point feel free to do so.

[trixymalixy]

I was posting that quote because you said that the OP chose that date deliberately knowing it would piss her sister off and that made the OP childish. The OP genuinely didn't think it would be an issue.

You just carry on making up stuff up, I'm rather enjoying this.

I wouldn't be pandering to the sister either tbh, of it was the date that suited best.

[hopeful92]

I think everyone is being a bit precious about this. IMO, YANBU OP, in fact I think your sister IBU. If it's not a special birthday then what's the big deal? My brother went on holiday my 18th and took half my family with him! But that was the only week they could all do, so we celebrated my birthday the weekend after - simple!

[BoneyBackJefferson]

trixymalixy
"You just carry on making up stuff up, I'm rather enjoying this."

everything in the above post is a direct quote from the OP go and read it if you want to.

"I wouldn't be pandering to the sister either tbh, of it was the date that suited best. "

Good to know that you would be happy to upset your family.