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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to hold a wedding reception on sister's birthday?

345 replies

Sexolette · 19/01/2013 17:04

I'll keep it short.

We recently had a tiny, family only wedding with the plan always being to have a party in the summer.

We are organising said party now and have juat sent out info to people to hold the date.

My sister has told me that obviously she is not coming as it's her birthday and why would she want to go to someone else's party on that day.

I haven't risen to the bait. Am I being unreasonable to hold the party on that date? ?

It's not a milestone birthday, mid twenties.

OP posts:
DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 19/01/2013 17:44

I couldn't be arsed putting myself out to confirm one way or another if I was attending a 'wedding reception' more than six months after the event, especially if it seemed that the bride had deliberately gone out of her way to arrange it on my birthday. I'd wait until the day before nearer the event before I decided to attend or not, to see if I had a better offer made other birthday celebratory plans.

A wedding reception months after the wedding is a total non event imo.

So I think you are both BU. You for deliberately choosing your sister's birthday, and her for saying straight away she won't be attending.

DoodlesNoodles · 19/01/2013 17:45

Have you responded to her text yet? If not you could try a really grovelly apologetic text and let her know that you will make her an extra special cake etc etc. I would also let her know tat you tried to do other dates but this was the only one that would work..... Or something like that.

I am still stunned that people are precious over adult birthdays.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/01/2013 17:45

... maybe the sister will arrange to get married on the 'reception' day... now that would set the cat among the pigeons, no? A direct competition, upfront and personal... Grin

LPplusOne · 19/01/2013 17:47

You're coming across as incredibly immature and selfish, OP. And, yes, YABU.

Gomez · 19/01/2013 17:47

Lying you are mean and pointy Grin

fudgeit · 19/01/2013 17:48

as an aside, how do you plan on explaining her absence on the day?

DontmindifIdo · 19/01/2013 17:48

I think you've handled in a way that is going to get someone's back up. If you'd sent her a text saying "hi Dsis, we're just looking at dates for the wedding celebration in the summer, but it looks like the only date we can do that the venue can do is your birthday! Are you going to be around or are you going away this year? Obviously we'll have cake with [insert birthday year] candles on it for you! Sexolette" - then I bet she'd be ok with it.

If you just informed her without making it clear you had no choice but htat weekend, it looks from her point of view that you might have picked it dilberately.

It looks like you didn't think about her, which you didn't. Have you even checked with close family if they are able to make that date and aren't away? Alot of people will have already booked holidays and with only 6 months notice, a lot of other weddings will have already been booked and accepted.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/01/2013 17:49

Gomez.... thank you, thank you very much... I'm here all week. Grin

NippyDrips · 19/01/2013 17:50

Yabu, if you are waiting months anyway surely there is another date you could choose.

HellesBelles396 · 19/01/2013 17:54

If you don't care how she feels, you don't need or want her there.

If you want her there, you should care that she's upset.

Regardless of whether you think she's being reasonable or not.

DoodlesNoodles · 19/01/2013 17:56

I don't think OP is drip feeding, she is answering posters questions.

TBH. Without knowing more details we can't know, if the OP did consider her sister or if she did send a considerate text to her. Saying the OP has chosen the same date just to be spiteful is very very speculative.

The OP could also have very good reasons to be organising the wedding reception a year after the wedding. It could be financial reasons or because she had a baby.

Original poster
Sexolette · 19/01/2013 18:32

Thanks doodles!

It's a bit of both! Babies, money and dates. I know I have said it is tge most suitable for us, which it really is.

Like I said I can only choose from two weekends a month and we have other stuff booked in.

Maybe my handling was insensitive, but certainly not deliberately so. And this level of communication is normal between us.

Am bemused by how many posters seem desperate for there to be a big back story.
To clarify, I am the older one and the main reason we are not close is the age gap...

OP posts:
Pinot · 19/01/2013 18:37

Oh you're older? I thought you said tother way round.

I refer you to my previous deduction that you resent her being the baby of the family then.

Not that it matters Wink

I hope you apologise/sort it out with her though. Even if you don't give a shit, your family hopefully would.

CloudsAndTrees · 19/01/2013 18:37

Or maybe, the reason you're not close is because you couldn't give a shit about her feelings?

Pinot · 19/01/2013 18:43

I wonder if you are more upset about this than you're letting on. You're posting as a bit of a hardarse, but...are you sure you're ok?

spatchcock · 19/01/2013 18:46

I personally wouldn't care one jot if it was my birthday and I'm a bit surprised about the responses here. I stopped making a big deal out of my birthday after I turned 16.

Do people really make such a big deal out of their birthdays??

Original poster
Sexolette · 19/01/2013 18:48

Thanks for asking Pinot.

To be honest my initial reaction was to be cross with her batting it straight back like that.

Will see about patching it up once everything confirmed, more for my mum than anything else. She will probably change her mind nearer the time, or at least I will provide her the opportunity to do so.

It does make me feel a bit 'sigh' in general. There always has to be some drama somewhere with my lot.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 19/01/2013 18:49

I suspect that you sent out a generic text to the group. That in itself would be enough to piss most people off.

from somewhere up thread you mention that you don't even live close so she/they will be spending most of the weekend traveling.

If she is as young as you suggest she probably will want to be out with her friends or BF and not driving around the country.

I wonder though if that it has to be this date because you are going away somewhere afterwards.

ApocalypseThen · 19/01/2013 18:49

I get that adult birthdays aren't terribly important - generally you're at work and then doing something small at the weekend - but I think you should be able to expect your own sister to at least acknowledge that she's taking over your birthday a bit if she's planning something like this. Just because everyone likes to feel cared about.

In fairness, OP, if you tackled your sister with the same indifference to her feelings that you're showing here, I'm not surprised that she's not keen.

MrsMaryCooper · 19/01/2013 18:49

I think that your sister is unreasonable. I would be perfectly happy to attend a wedding reception on my birthday. It's not taking anything away from her birthday.

I'm astonished that so many other people think that you are the unreasonable one OP.

plantsitter · 19/01/2013 18:49

I would be really pissed off if my sister texted me with her wedding date and it was the date of my birthday. Did you mention it was her birthday too, like 'I know that's your birthday but presumed you wouldn't mind' or something? If you made no reference to it presumably she thought you'd forgotten or were deliberately pretending it was a date that didn't matter.

If my sister texted me and said 'do you mind if we have our wedding on your birthday?' I wouldn't mind at all though. It's the acknowledgement that's the thing.

LineRunner · 19/01/2013 18:50

Yes the OP was asked backthread if she was was the older or younger sister and she said older.

I can see why it might have been taken the other way but she wasn't dissembling.

MrsBW · 19/01/2013 18:50

It's fine, she obviously has the right to say she's not coming. I just find it odd. Clearly you lot don't! !

She wants to celebrate her birthday, but it's not like it's a special one. You want to celebrate your wedding, but it's not like it's your wedding day.

She's perfectly within her rights to not come just as you are within your rights to arrange it on that day.

You made a decision. Now - and I don't particularly like this expression - own it. Why are you coming on here looking for people to say you've done the right thing? It's done - the Save the Dates have been sent.

Now all that's left is the fall out...

LaCiccolina · 19/01/2013 18:51

I reach it because ur professing to be bemused as to why she's upset. U also say ur not rising to the bait. That sounds like somethings happened in history. I find it rather odd that as sisters u wouldn't already know roughly what the other would feel about something like this. Therefore either u are being deliberately obtuse (so why?) or it's a pattern u both repeat to each other and have done probs for a long time.

Or of course it's just u. Dunno which u prefer!

BoneyBackJefferson · 19/01/2013 18:51

Sexolette

"She will probably change her mind nearer the time, or at least I will provide her the opportunity to do so."

Well thats just so decent of you.

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