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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to hold a wedding reception on sister's birthday?

345 replies

Sexolette · 19/01/2013 17:04

I'll keep it short.

We recently had a tiny, family only wedding with the plan always being to have a party in the summer.

We are organising said party now and have juat sent out info to people to hold the date.

My sister has told me that obviously she is not coming as it's her birthday and why would she want to go to someone else's party on that day.

I haven't risen to the bait. Am I being unreasonable to hold the party on that date? ?

It's not a milestone birthday, mid twenties.

OP posts:
NickyNackyNooNoo · 19/01/2013 18:51

YANBU - I'd be really pleased if my sibling or friend had it on my birthday...save me having a party Wink
I think she needs to get over herself Grin

TheFallenNinja · 19/01/2013 18:51

I'd find something more meaty to goad her with. Yabu

Original poster
Sexolette · 19/01/2013 18:53

Well thanks boney. Wink

OP posts:
MrsLouisTheroux · 19/01/2013 18:53

OP: it's the date which best suits us She may enjoy celebrating her birthday with friends. Why would you arrange a date for you party you know clashes with another occasion?
I am comfortable with my choice and thinky sister is being ridiculous. Obviously she enjoys her Birthday celebrations, that's not ridiculous.
Are you sticking with your choice of date then OP?
Do you think that your party is more important than her potential birthday plans?
Don't be surprised if she fails to take your feelings into account in future.
YABU.

ENormaSnob · 19/01/2013 18:54

I agree than an adult birthday is a total non entity.

But neither is a party months after the wedding.

It's not like it's your actual wedding.

They are both as important as each other. Ie not very to most people.

nextphase · 19/01/2013 18:55

If you avoided the birthday of everyone who was potentially invited to your wedding, you'd have pretty few dates left!

OP: YANBU. Just stick with it, its your sisters decision what to do, pick the date that is right for you and your DH. Your never going to get it perfect for everyone!

LaCiccolina · 19/01/2013 18:55

Agree with another, just apologise together after agreeing to disagree on it. Not worth massive fight really? She was at wedding...? She's bound to do something another point. Spose that's what sisters do! Dunno myself, not got one.

Hope u have a good party regardless.

Pinot · 19/01/2013 18:55

I can well understand the drama being draining, especially if there is previous examples.

That said, and I only say this as I learnt it the hard way, families like yours and mine need extra thought not less. Handle them with kid gloves. Where other families can deal with stuff easily, I know I have to take extra care. I think yours may be similar?

Harsh lesson to learn, relating to your wedding and you have my empathy.

Still think you should have chosen a different date though Wink

desperateforaholiday · 19/01/2013 18:55

Yabu for all the reasons everyone else has given

ProtegeMoi · 19/01/2013 18:56

YABVU of all the days in the year you choose her birthday. Sounds like you were trying to get one up on her. I urge you to apologise and change the date.

nkf · 19/01/2013 18:56

What made you pick your sister's birthday? What an odd thing to do. How old are you?

fruitstick · 19/01/2013 18:56

It's your attitude that stinks.

You say that you're not close, therefore this looks like a deliberate swipe at her OR she means so little to you that you didn't think about it.

It's those things that would piss me off. In your 20s, your birthday is your only date. As you get bigger it's replaced by anniversaries, children etc but until then ....,,

I don't get the feeling you will get her a cake and make a big sister fuss of her - I get the feeling you will use it as an excuse to demonstrate how petty & spoilt your little sister is.

I suspect you do that a lot Wink

fruitstick · 19/01/2013 18:58

Come to think of it, I wanted to get married on my sister's birthday (suited us best) but instantly dismissed it out of respect for her.

She was over 40 at the time Grin

wewereherefirst · 19/01/2013 18:58

I cannot understand OP why you are so precious about a party? It's not a wedding reception, it's a flipping party.

Original poster
Sexolette · 19/01/2013 18:58

Don't give up the day job fruit

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 19/01/2013 18:58

Oh dear. You sound quite selfish OP. Why on earth didn't you run this by your sister before firming it up? Would it have been that difficult?!

The fact that this is a birthday versus a party is a total red herring. It's one sister not giving consideration to the other.

You really should've spoken to your sister about this first. Then if you could, I think you should've moved one of your other things or cancelled something. Is there any reason you can't do this?

Pinot · 19/01/2013 18:58

Sisters can be utterly vile to each other ::nods vigorously::

But also the very best friend you could wish for. Aww.

nkf · 19/01/2013 18:59

Just read some more. Have you two been behaving like this for years? It's very petty.

Original poster
Sexolette · 19/01/2013 19:00

Thanks for your opinions folks.

As you can probably tell, I disagree with most of you.

But I'm ok with that. :)

Off to play amateur psychologist on someone else's thread now.

OP posts:
Hellesbelles2 · 19/01/2013 19:00

Personally I'd be delighted if my sister arranged her reception on my birthday as it would mean I'd get to spend a lovely day with my family/mutual friends (without the stress of organising a party myself).

A couple of years back a close friend got married on my birthday. She rang before booking to see if I minded but I said birthdays come along every year, weddings don't. They did mention me in the speeches which was a lovely gesture but totally unnecessary!

MrsLouisTheroux · 19/01/2013 19:01

You are coming across really badly OP. Feeling defensive? You wouldn't be on here asking if you knew it was 100% the right thing to do.

TidyDancer · 19/01/2013 19:02

You asked if you were unreasonable, the large majority have confirmed that you are. You won't accept this.

What a surprise.

I do look forward to the rare threads where the OP accepts they are wrong. It's so refreshing.

Pinot · 19/01/2013 19:02

Time for me to slag off d list slebs n Splash Grin

MrsBW · 19/01/2013 19:02

You are coming across really badly OP. Feeling defensive? You wouldn't be on here asking if you knew it was 100% the right thing to do.

^ this

WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome · 19/01/2013 19:03

I wouldn't mind if someone chose to host something on my birthday, but an acknowledgement beforehand would be appreciated. A quick text or phone call to say "I know it's your birthday but we're thinking of having xyz..." I'd never begrudge anyone having something on my birthday, especially if it was as booze filled lovely as a wedding.

It's just a courtesy thing I suppose. YABU/YANBU depending on what your text said!