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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to hold a wedding reception on sister's birthday?

345 replies

Sexolette · 19/01/2013 17:04

I'll keep it short.

We recently had a tiny, family only wedding with the plan always being to have a party in the summer.

We are organising said party now and have juat sent out info to people to hold the date.

My sister has told me that obviously she is not coming as it's her birthday and why would she want to go to someone else's party on that day.

I haven't risen to the bait. Am I being unreasonable to hold the party on that date? ?

It's not a milestone birthday, mid twenties.

OP posts:
Pinot · 19/01/2013 17:17

My guess is you're either close in age to your sister (I.e. have always competed) or you're a lot older and resent her being coddled as the baby.

I love a bit of amateur psychology Grin

Foggles · 19/01/2013 17:17

You might not celebrate your sister's birthday, but I'm sure she would want to.

flowery · 19/01/2013 17:17

Did you at least contact her first and say look, this date would really be the best for our reception, hope you don't mind?

Or did you just send her a save the date card?

Pinot · 19/01/2013 17:17

Ooh poo. I am shite at psychology.

Original poster
Sexolette · 19/01/2013 17:18

Nice try Pinot, but neither.

It actually didn't occur to me that she would have a problem with it.

OP posts:
gertrudestein · 19/01/2013 17:18

If I was in her position, i'd probably be a bit offended that you hadn't at least asked me first. Obviously I'd be really happy for you and want you to have the wedding date that suits you most, regardless of the birthday issue. But I think it's a bit unreasonable not to have even asked.

Having said that, my family does celebrate birthdays.

Perhaps your sister's birthday is more important than you realise, because you never actually see her on that day?

Original poster
Sexolette · 19/01/2013 17:18

I sent her a text, our main method of communication.

OP posts:
LaCiccolina · 19/01/2013 17:18

U sent the invites out? So she found out by getting the invite? U didn't call first and say er best weekend for us and friends is x is this clashing say a holiday or something for ur birthday? If not we will go for it? Or anything approaching a conversation???

Just sounds like uve been one upping between u for donkeys years and ur doing this again.

gertrudestein · 19/01/2013 17:19

as in .. more important to her

DawnOfTheDee · 19/01/2013 17:19

Neither? So you're not close in age to her but neither are you not close in age to her..? Confused

CloudsAndTrees · 19/01/2013 17:19

Yabu.

It's not about being precious about birthdays. I'm not at al precious about my birthday, it usually passes completely unnoticed by anyone except my own Mum, children and DH.

I'd still be a bit hurt if my sister wanted to take a day that was special for me and make it all about something special for them, especially a family occasion.

Don't you think it might be you that's being a bit precious about your party? Because face it, it's not really a wedding reception if its happening months after the wedding.

LindyHemming · 19/01/2013 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinot · 19/01/2013 17:20

What is the age gap ::not giving up yet::

wigglesrock · 19/01/2013 17:20

You've already got married anyway, having a party 6 or so months after the event is a bit of a stretch anyway. Why a midsummer Saturday? Why would you willing choose to create such a drama? You must have known this wouldn't go down well, did you not to have a word quietly before, feel her out about it.

Tbh I'm not a big birthday person, but really you couldn't see this might be a awkward?

Overreactionoftheweek · 19/01/2013 17:20

If you'd mentioned it to your sister first and explained it's the only date that works, maybe she would have been fine. But to just send out invites and not even acknowledge that it's her birthday...well I think that's rude.

And I was certainly pissed off when my bil and sil choose my 30th for their wedding

Original poster
Sexolette · 19/01/2013 17:20

Laciccolina how on earth you can reach that conclusion on info prpvided I don't know.

The wonders of mumsnet. .

OP posts:
ChristmasJubilee · 19/01/2013 17:20

You could have it as a joint celebration with a cake and candles for her and she could invite her friends. You could have your friends and a wedding cake. One venue, one band, one meal. Or choose another day.

DoodlesNoodles · 19/01/2013 17:21

YANBU. It's only a birthday FFS. How childish of your sister. What about suggesting it as a joint wedding reception and birthday party. Ive obviously no idea if that is feasible but just a suggestion.

Did you speak about it with your DS beforehand? If not, then that was probably a bit inconsiderate of you.

Does she know that it is the only date you can do.

TBH I am amazed other posters think you are BU.

Are you actually able to change the date.

Foggles · 19/01/2013 17:21

If I was your sister, I'd come to your reception and put a big birthday cake in the middle of the table. Grin

EuroShagmore · 19/01/2013 17:22

YABU. You should have discussed it with her beforehand.

HollyBerryBush · 19/01/2013 17:22

Well, if you arent particularly close to her I cant see the problem TBH

If it was a significant birthday, 21 or 50 and none of the zeros inbetween, I could see it as inflamatory. So unless her birthday is that specific Saturday rather than that being the closest Saturday, then she is just being a mare.

I'll say it again - people don't own dates.

CloudsAndTrees · 19/01/2013 17:22

If it didn't occur to you that it might hurt your sister, then you are probably as self centred in real life as you are coming across on here.

Gomez · 19/01/2013 17:22

Not precious about birthdays at all. But would expect my sister to at least say what she was planning not send me a generic save the date card.

And what about the rest of your family - have you checked the date works for them? No holidays booked in the summer for example.

I think your also need to consider that this may not be viewed as a wedding by others - your wedding was ago - so this is really just a party too, with no more importance that a birthday party.

Original poster
Sexolette · 19/01/2013 17:23

She didn't find out on an invite people! !!

5.5 years pinot.

It's fine, she obviously has the right to say she's not coming. I just find it odd. Clearly you lot don't! !

OP posts:
whatsforyou · 19/01/2013 17:23

It does sound like there is a bit of previous here. If that really is the only date available why did you not phone her up and explain this before you sent out a save the date card?
If you had done this and she was still being awkward I would think she was BU but for not having the manners/consideration to do that I think you are BU and she is probably saying she isn't coming because she is pissed off.
My best friend had her wedding on my birthday, said to me before and said she hoped I didn't mind, and I didn't, if she had just sent me an invite I would have been a bit Hmm

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