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AIBU?

Aibu to hold a wedding reception on sister's birthday?

345 replies

Sexolette · 19/01/2013 17:04

I'll keep it short.

We recently had a tiny, family only wedding with the plan always being to have a party in the summer.

We are organising said party now and have juat sent out info to people to hold the date.

My sister has told me that obviously she is not coming as it's her birthday and why would she want to go to someone else's party on that day.

I haven't risen to the bait. Am I being unreasonable to hold the party on that date? ?

It's not a milestone birthday, mid twenties.

OP posts:

Report

LineRunner · 19/01/2013 17:33

I dislike adults fussing on about birthdays, but that's just me.

StairsInTheNight · 19/01/2013 17:34

If you were actually getting married on that date then ok. But your not. You got married ages recently. So this is not a reception, its just a 'party'.

Weissdorn · 19/01/2013 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gomez · 19/01/2013 17:34

Okay then. You sent a text, she isn't coming, you are not changing the date everyone knows where they are.

Given the wedding will have been 6/7 months previous to the party and she was there to help you mark the occasion no real drama.

Enjoy your party.

Narked · 19/01/2013 17:35

This isn't a wedding. It's a party, at least 6 months after the wedding.

MinnieBar · 19/01/2013 17:35

YABU. It's not precious to want to spend your own birthday how you want. At someone else's wedding with someone else's friends? No thanks.

Sexolette · 19/01/2013 17:35

You are quite right. I am comfortable with my choice and thinky sister is being ridiculous.

Nothing wrong with seeing what other people think...

OP posts:

HermioneE · 19/01/2013 17:35

So... You haven't sent cards to anyone, just 'info' to them to save the date?

So everyone got texts?

So was hers actually to say 'I know this is your bday but we really want this date, is that ok' or the same 'keep the date for us' that you'd send to anyone?

This really is a lesson for me in why MN is so fierce about drip feeding!

Cherriesarelovely · 19/01/2013 17:35

It wouldn't bother me at all. The only reason I would be upset would be if it was a big birthday and I already had something brilliant planned. I think she is BU.

Pancakeflipper · 19/01/2013 17:36

ThefirstMrsRochester is right - it's how you play it. If you ignore her birthday then that's crappy. But if you acknowledge it with a birthday singsong by all the family and friends and present her with a pressie - then what's not to like?

I think one of my most memorable birthday's is at my friends wedding when they all sang happy birthday to me and gave me a pressie. It was embarrassing lovely.

tjah04 · 19/01/2013 17:36

If you can accept that most people are probably only going to see this as a party then go ahead.

It's not like your anniversary is going to be on her birthday every year. However If this party is important to you I would beware of causing any family controversy. No matter how much you deny it, it will always cloud your memories every time you look back at your wedding celebrations.

Your only going to end up hurting yourself in the long run.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/01/2013 17:37

Well you're quite precious about a wedding party, aren't you? Talking of other people being precious about their birthdays... this is your sister, not a random person.

The impetus for celebrating the wedding has worn off, no? Maybe not to you but will have to other people who won't be as interested in it as you are.

MouseyHousey · 19/01/2013 17:37

YABU. Its not till the summer so you have plenty of time to reorganise.. Also I cant understand why you will be having a party to celebrate your marriage the best part of a year after the wedding
My BIL and SIL got married on my birthday, abroad. The immediate family went with them (we couldnt afford it). They didnt ask me about it just announced one day that they had booked it, I was a little upset but more so when it came to the wedding day and I called them to say congratulations and everyone had seemingly forgot it was my birthday as noone wished me a happy birthday! :(

wibblyjelly · 19/01/2013 17:37

yanbu. If this was my sisters and I, and it was my birthday, I'd love that all my family were all together in one place.

ENormaSnob · 19/01/2013 17:37

A party months after the wedding is a total non event imo.

Gomez · 19/01/2013 17:38

OP you are not coming over well. I think it is ridiculous to have a 'wedding reception' months after the blardy wedding. Maybe your sister does too?

And can't be arsed making an effort for someone she isn't close to when she has already attended your know the actual wedding.

carabos · 19/01/2013 17:38

There's more to this than meets the eye .

apostropheuse · 19/01/2013 17:38

The thing is, if it was your actual wedding I could understand you wanting a particular date. However, it's not your wedding. By the time you have the party you will have been married over six months.

It does smack as though you've intentionally chosen her birthday to have your party. That's all your having - a party. Not a wedding. You're only celebrating something that's already happened six months previously.

It could easily come across that you're doing this to annoy your sister.

I'm quite sure you could have chosen another date.

Cherriesarelovely · 19/01/2013 17:39

There are all kinds of reasons why peoplecan't celebrate their birthdays on the actual day, illness, work commitments, friends and family unable to attend on that day. All of these have happened to me. I just enjoy my day and do the celebration soon after.

specialsubject · 19/01/2013 17:40

where is the issue? She does indeed need to grow up. And so does everyone else who thinks birthdays are a sacred date when you are past school age!

RightsaidFreud · 19/01/2013 17:42

YABU. It's not precious to want to celebrate your birthday and not have it hijacked by your sister. I would be pretty upset if my sister did this to me. You lot may want your birthday to pass without celebrating (and then no doubt come on here and moan about how no one made an effort/had other plans) but I like to celebrate my birthday with my friends and family and would be pretty upset if my sister insisted on having her post-wedding party on that day.

apostropheuse · 19/01/2013 17:42

PS I think you will find most people don't even think of it as a wedding reception.

I'm now wondering if you're going for the whole big wedding dress and bridesmaids scenario. If so, why on earth just not do that on your wedding day?

This really is the height of nonsense.

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ohfunnyhoneyface · 19/01/2013 17:43

Drip feeding is infuriating.

Whether you are being unreasonable or not depends on how you told her.

Did you acknowledge it was her birthday and she might be put out?

If she is mid 20s and you are significantly younger...you're what, 19? I wouldn't do this to my sister, but we're close. If you're not close, I don't get why you care.

Pandemoniaa · 19/01/2013 17:43

I think the reasonableness (or otherwise) of the whole situation depends on how you've played it. If you sent your sister an impersonal "save the date" text then she's probably thought, like some of us, that it might have been nice to be consulted given the time that's elapsed between your wedding and this proposed party. Because having your party on her birthday isn't the worst thing in the word is it? But if you've come across as not giving a toss then her initial reaction might well be to tell you to fuck off and take your party with you.

MrsKeithRichards · 19/01/2013 17:43

I think running it past her first would have been the decent thing to do.

Why you doing this a year after you got married? Seems odd. Are you digging your dress out to wear again? Maybe she's fed up with it dragging on for so long and the date was the last straw?

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