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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to hold a wedding reception on sister's birthday?

345 replies

Sexolette · 19/01/2013 17:04

I'll keep it short.

We recently had a tiny, family only wedding with the plan always being to have a party in the summer.

We are organising said party now and have juat sent out info to people to hold the date.

My sister has told me that obviously she is not coming as it's her birthday and why would she want to go to someone else's party on that day.

I haven't risen to the bait. Am I being unreasonable to hold the party on that date? ?

It's not a milestone birthday, mid twenties.

OP posts:
Squitten · 20/01/2013 10:40

I don't think YABU to choose the best date that works for you to have your party. You're entitled to do that.

I do, however, think that as a curtesy you could have mentioned it to your sister beforehand and explained why you were choosing that date and that you would love her to come.

I think you're not wrong in what you're doing but you handled it badly. You have sent her a message that suggests you a) don't care that it's her birthday and b) don't care about her feelings. Both of which actually seem to be borne out by what you've said here.

TidyDancer · 20/01/2013 10:51

Proudas - have a look up thread, the Christening issue was addressed a while back - it really was completely different to this. This OP is just intensely selfish I think. You can see it in her reaction here as much as the way she has treated her sister. It's just not very nice.

FeistyLass · 20/01/2013 10:51

Binkybix I think it's the fact that OP has so many other commitments she could not possibly move, therefore putting all her other commitments and her party above he sister's birthday that seems a bit rich .

^^ I think this is the issue. Everything in the OP's life is more important than her sister's birthday, and for that reason, it is reasonble for her sister to say she can't come.
I have a few sisters and some would be fine with a party on their birthday and some wouldn't. However, I think most of them would be pissed off if I made it clear I'd put lots of commitments before their birthday. That is just rude.

Trills · 20/01/2013 11:01

Everyone can celebrate their birthday on a different day.

If you are young enough to not be able to read a calendar then you won't notice.

If you are old enough to be able to read a calendar than you are also old enough to understand that sometimes it's more convenient to celebrate on a different day.

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 20/01/2013 11:09

Of course the OP's sister wants to celebrate her birthday with her mates, she is late teens or very early twenties, if I understand correctly. That doesn't make her childish! I think people are less bothered about birthdays as they get older, although I still like a nice meal out with my DH, but at her age, they are still quite significant - a nice day to have people make a bit of a fuss of you (and I don't mean in an attention seeking diva way!)

The OP wants a mid summer party to celebrate her 6 month wedding anniversary wedding so has 8 Saturdays in a July and August to choose from. Oh, but none of the other dates are convenient....... So she chooses a date that isn't convenient to her sister but then thinks her sister is being unreasonable for saying she won't come. The OP has put all her other plans for those Saturdays in Summer above her wedding party, and I can't imagine they are ALL particularly important otherwise she would have said (I'd love to know what they are) but doesn't put her own sister's birthday above it.

OP - you sound like a selfish madam

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 20/01/2013 11:11

I meant to say, doesn't put her own sister's birthday above those plans

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/01/2013 11:25

Having thought about this some more.

All those posters saying that you can celebrate your birthday when ever you like.

You can only really celebrate your birthday (if you are going out with friends) twice every 7 yrs on the actual day.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 20/01/2013 11:34

I'm not sure why it's unacceptable to celebrate your birthday as an adult. I do, all my friends do. We buy presents for each other. For the posters that don't, fair enough that's your choice. But don't vilify others for wanting to celebrate theirs.

The point is that the OP has chosen to have her wedding party a whole six months after the ceremony and the one day she has chosen is her sister's birthday, out of all the dates.

The fact that you say you aren't close speaks volumes. You could have just said to her that you were planning for that date, but you didn't. Which proves you couldn't care less.

Infact the only reason you have asked this question at all is to make yourself feel better. Well hard luck, not everyone agrees.

MerryCouthyMows · 20/01/2013 11:49

Blimey - I have my DS's Birthday on 24th Jan (a Thursday this year), my SD's birthday on 2nd Feb and my Dbro's birthday on 9th Feb. I wouldn't book DS3's birthday party on the same day as one of their birthdays, even if it WAS a more convenient time for me!

YABU. Change the date, or accept that your sister won't be there, apologise to her, and send her a nice present and some flowers on the day.

You've been a bit bridezilla booking it on that day, tbh.

twilight81 · 20/01/2013 13:37

If it were my sister I couldn't care less if it were my birthday on the date of her wedding celebrations.. In fact i would be only too happy to share the day with her. Don't know why it would even be an issue.

trixymalixy · 20/01/2013 13:48

YANBU. I would just text her back and say " what a shame" and don't rise to it.

She's acting like a child.

shockedtohell · 20/01/2013 14:50

My dad chose to get married on my birthday as he had forgotten it was birthday ( this hurt more then I can say) once he knew he changed it to the day before! But it still stings! It's my day and even tho I'm not huge on birthdays it's still the day I was born!

It's your sisters special day and stealing it from her sucks. You should know better! You might not be close but regardless stop being horrid and selfish!!!! If you go ahead font be surprised if she never talks to you again

Would you like your sister stealing your special day????

Horrible is all I can say!

trixymalixy · 20/01/2013 15:04

stealing your special day?!?! Hmm

Are people really this precious about birthdays? FFS

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/01/2013 15:51

trixy

The OP is equally precious about a day that has no other meaning.

trixymalixy · 20/01/2013 16:34

In what way is the OP being precious? Hmm

She's not the one having a childish strop like her sister. It's a special party for their wedding, it's not a special birthday. If someone booked a party on my birthday, I'd just go out for my birthday on a different night, it just wouldn't occur to me to get pissed off about it. I'm baffled that people behave like that.

littlewhitebag · 20/01/2013 16:39

Why is this even an issue. OP has explained why this date works best. We all have birthdays every year - surely her sister could suck it up this year. Anyway they can celebrate the birthday and the wedding at the same time. I am at a loss with all the negativity going on.

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/01/2013 16:47

trixy
as far as I can tell the sister is not having a strop she has said that she isn't going as its her Bday.

The OP is the one that is having a party when it is convinent for her and sod her sister.

littlewhitebag
The OP really hasn't said why it has to be this weekend other than she has other things on that she is not prepared to move.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 20/01/2013 16:47

My mum got married on my DD's first birthday. I just had her party the day after.

pigletpower · 20/01/2013 16:59

I am agog at the fact that OP's sister is not going to her own sisters wedding celebration because it's her birthday! What the hell. OP if I were you I'd hold your wedding party at the local ballpit so your sister and her little friends can 'celebrate' her birthday in true toddler style.

Trills · 20/01/2013 17:02

IMO not going to a wedding party because it's your birthday is throwing a strop.

sherazade · 20/01/2013 17:04

It's not really a wedding though is it? It's a party half a year later.

Sounds like the OP has come on here to brag about having winded up her sister; as clearly stated she is happy with the arrangement.

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/01/2013 17:05

puds

your DD would not be old enough to know the difference and "her party" would in fact have been for you.

pigletpower
I suspect that there is a whole backstory to this that is missing, and the OP is coming across about as mature as your post.

trixymalixy · 20/01/2013 17:07

Seriously, you don't think saying " why would I want to go to someone else's party on my birthday" is throwing a childish strop?!? I certainly think it is.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 20/01/2013 17:07

Yup and i could have kicked up a stink about it being her 'first ever birthday' but i didn't.

Trills · 20/01/2013 17:10

Refusing to go to a large family party (no matter what it is for) because it falls on the day of your birthday is throwing a strop

(unless you had something pre-booked already).