Aibu to hold a wedding reception on sister's birthday?

[Sexolette]

I'll keep it short.

We recently had a tiny, family only wedding with the plan always being to have a party in the summer.

We are organising said party now and have juat sent out info to people to hold the date.

My sister has told me that obviously she is not coming as it's her birthday and why would she want to go to someone else's party on that day.

I haven't risen to the bait. Am I being unreasonable to hold the party on that date? ?

It's not a milestone birthday, mid twenties.

SheIBU by making a fuss of a birthday. The world doesn't stop on your birthday. You don't own it, nor do the millions of other people in the world who were born on the same day. I wouldn't even let my own child carry on with the fuss that some adults do.

YABU in that it would have been polite to check with her that she didn't have plans before planning your party. You can't worry about great aunt Maisie's second cousin's neighbour that you had to invite having a birthday that day, but this is your sister. You should ask, she should then very politely confirm that she does already have something booked, or that she doesn't and you can go ahead with your party. That's how things work in a civilised society.

YAalsoBU for having a present grab wedding reception nearly a year after your wedding. It's over, you've had your special day. Move on. No one cares anymore.

Good grief, I am really surprised by the reaction to this. You get a birthday every year but you don't get married so very often, ideally just the once, and I don't see why having the reception on a different day to the ceremony makes the reception any less important. If I got a text from my brother proposing my birthday as a wedding party day I'd send him jokey thanks for being so thoughtful as to organise my birthday party for me. It wouldn't occur to me to take offence at it.

OP, the way you have responded throughout the thread matches your lack of sensitivity in choosing the date.

You've come across as one of those dead-eyed, self-absorbed types who automatically brands others as 'over-sensitive' if they don't accept that what you do/say as beyond reproach.

It's not about being precious about birthdays, as others have said. It's about keeping in mind that others have their own lives, plans, needs.

You obviously think, "My wedding reception party type thing trumps her birthday, hands down".

She feels differently. You could have chosen another date.

as a family we never celebrate birthdays together

Or weddings now!!

Yellow that was exactly what I thought! MN has changed its tune this evening!

yellow, I noticed that as well. Thankfully I've got the same opinion about birthdays for both threads, being older than 5.

cherries and yellow

Its not a wedding. its just a party with wedding tagged on to it.

I didn't see the christening thread but I think it's slightly different.

HIS child's christening. I think once you are married with children your birthdays become less important.

And nobody remembers christening dates the way they do weddings. I realise it's not the actual wedding but seems to me a cheeky way for everyone to remember her anniversary AND reception date.

Fast forward to sister's 30th birthday party. I'd put money on the OP reminiscing about how wonderful her wedding party was this very day 5 years ago etc etc.
L

This is not the same as the Christening situation. That involved, IIRC, the DP of the baby's aunt or uncle (sorry, can't remember the gender specifics as it was a reverse AIBU) kicking up a fuss when the Christening was arranged for a date near to the DP's birthday. It wasn't even the actual date and the baby's parents were not related to the tantrummer.

And I still maintain this thread is about one person's consideration for another, and the fact that the OP has none.

I think it just sounds like the OP and her sister don't like each other that much. Doesn't sound like the OP particularly cares that her sister won't be at the party, and I'm not sure why she bothered to post really!

I agree usually, I don't feel this is really about birthdays/birthday preciousness.

If the OP had called her sister and acknowledged it was her birthday and explained that the date was the best for them, then I would definitely think that the sister WBU.

But.....this feels more about attitudes to others. She could have handled this a lot better. She has dealt with her sister as if her feelings were completely negligible. That's what is bothering me and a lot of posters I think.

fruitstick

I think that you are bang on the money, given the OP's lack of consideration I suspect that her sister's birthday every year will be twisted to "wasn't my wedding party grand"

The more I think about this the more I think that the OP is desparate to be the center of attention.

Yes very different to the christening thread.

I don't really understand wedding receptions months after the event. Why don't you have a big first anniversary bash to celebrate instead, and avoid an unnecessary spat with your sister?

Maybe I should give up the day job afterall

But Helenlynn, this is the second time she's celebrated the wedding....

You were expecting everyone to call her a childish bitch and slag her off, weren't you?

honestly don't think it would bother me. birthdays aren't a big deal and we often celebrate or go out on a date close by rather than it having to be the actual day.

The reason this is different to the Christening thread is that this is a wedding reception taking place several months after the wedding.... If it was the actual wedding and it was the only date that the church/venue could do then it might be a different issue, this is just a party for the sake of a party.

I fell either side of this one and the Christening one.

The differences (in my mind) are:
(1) the birthday person in the Christening case was not particularly close family, so they may not even have known it was the birthday
(2) the Christening wasn't even on the birthday
(3) you don't always have that much say on a Christening date in many churches - ours only does them once a month
(4) the partner of the birthday person really wanted to go to the Christening
(5) it was the actual Christening not a party many months after a wedding
(6) the wedding "bride" seems to have just set the date and not chatted with her sister first

I think it was absolutely possible, if handled nicely, to have the wedding on this day. It has been played badly.

I have not had a complete about-turn, I think they are very different.

OK, apologies but I haven't read all the other replies, only the first page.
Why the hell would you choose your sister's birthday to have the party? Yes, you said you'd have a party in the summer. Why does it have to be on her birthday though?!
Yes, you are being completely unreasonable to have a do on that day. You KNOW it's her birthday. Regardless of whether it's a so called big milestone number or not, she's entitled to want to celebrate her birthday or not.

My DH's brother and his wife booked their wedding for my DH 40th birthday. I was a bit pissed off - not because they stole his thunder, but more because I was on maternity leave at the time and finances meant we could either celebrate his big birthday or the wedding.

Of course, not attending the wedding wasn't an option so we threw everything into going - stag do, present, outfits, hotel etc. and my DH received a modest pressie from me and not much else :-( We enjoyed the day after the initial disappointment that it wasn't being spent as we envisioned. His 50th will be a more elaborate affair though....

It is rather rude to arrange a party for yourself on your sisters birthday. Does seem to be drama seeking behaviour and somewhat thoughtless. Just arrange it for a different weekend and avoid the problem.