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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to hold a wedding reception on sister's birthday?

345 replies

Sexolette · 19/01/2013 17:04

I'll keep it short.

We recently had a tiny, family only wedding with the plan always being to have a party in the summer.

We are organising said party now and have juat sent out info to people to hold the date.

My sister has told me that obviously she is not coming as it's her birthday and why would she want to go to someone else's party on that day.

I haven't risen to the bait. Am I being unreasonable to hold the party on that date? ?

It's not a milestone birthday, mid twenties.

OP posts:
fruitstick · 19/01/2013 22:29

I don't think the OP will be back.

A classic 'this is what I'm doing so how dare everyone not be thrilled. I must be so much cleverer than them' thread.

Then gets the hump when no one congratulates her on her maturity.

DanceYourselfDizzyBaby · 19/01/2013 22:39

Forgot to add YANBU. Or maybe you are. I don't know you or your relationship with your sister. Is it unreasonable to hold a celebratory party on a sibling's birthday? Of course it's not. Perhaps there's more going in here. Perhaps there's not.

My only advice would be - if you're going to do it, book Elvis.

cricketballs · 19/01/2013 22:40

on reading your posts op the first thought that came to my mind - didn't you realise yourself that it was your dsis birthday?. You seem more surprised that she is bothered than you do over choosing this date for yourself and not considering her at all

LibraryMum8 · 19/01/2013 22:40

YANBU. I am very close with my only brother and if he told me he was getting married on my birthday it wouldn't mean anything other that I would remember his anniversary better!

For this one year, I'm sure she can manage to go out the day before or after her birthday. Heck I would consider it a nice way to spend my birthday. I don't know what all the faff is for, it would honestly not bother me one bit.

chubbychipmonk · 19/01/2013 22:53

'There has always been a drama with my lot'. . . . .

Hmmmm, like planning your wedding 'party' on your sisters birthday when there is another 365 days to choose from and then not backing down / changing the date when she lets you know she's not happy with it? That kind of drama??

BadgersNadgers · 19/01/2013 22:54

It does make me feel a bit 'sigh' in general. There always has to be some drama somewhere with my lot

Is that because you like provoking people?

MidniteScribbler · 19/01/2013 23:51

Genuine question for all the "birthdays are special" people. Do you expect a day off work for your birthday? If you do have to work, do you expect your workmates to throw you a morning tea with cake and balloons?

mybabywakesupsinging · 19/01/2013 23:58

Personally I would find going to my sister's wedding party a fab thing to do on my birthday.
Can always have another evening out as well...
anyway I am getting too old to make a major fuss about being another year older...

MarcelineTheVampireQueen · 20/01/2013 00:01

MidniteScribbler

Let me put it back to all the non fuss birthday people. At what age do you decide a birthday is no longer special? Age 5?15?18?25? So say your child is 26, do you not acknowledge it? Do you not send a card? Wish happy birthday? If your child has a meal do you refuse to go?

cricketballs · 20/01/2013 00:01

midnite its not that the birthday is the priority, but that the ok is surprised that yet dsis is annoyed that her birthday is 2nd best to a party that could be held 364 other days in the year

The op decided to forget her dsis birthday, thinking only of herself and wonders why her dsis had issues with that decision....

MarcelineTheVampireQueen · 20/01/2013 00:08

Alos EVERYTHING ELSE in the OP's diary is more important than her own wedding party except for her sisters birthday. Are these other important events other peoples occasions such as birthdays?

MidniteScribbler · 20/01/2013 00:10

Marceline: Yes of course I acknowledge the birthday, but if my child was being brattish and expecting the world to stop because it was their birthday, then I'd be rethinking my parenting. I grew up with parents that worked several nights a week. So birthday dinners in our family were whichever night they weren't working. Might be a couple of days before, might be a couple of days later. Big freaking deal. They were still acknowledge, celebrated and presents given.

My son has a birthday right in the middle of christmas and new years. He'll never get a birthday party with his school friends on his actual birthday, it's just a bad time of year (summer holidays here, so everyone's away). He'll just have to learn to live with it. We'll have dinner, maybe go somewhere fun, but actual parties will have to be held when school goes back. Such is life. He needs to learn that you can't expect everyone to rearrange their lives because of a birthday that comes every year.

If I received an invitation for something, my first thought isn't "oh no, that's my birthday!". It's "do I want to attend this function or not?" If yes, then I make arrangements that suit it. If not, then I just decline. But I don't expect everyone to arrange their own functions and celebrations around that fact that I managed to be born.

Reaa · 20/01/2013 00:12

Not sure if anyone has said this already but can you not just have a big party on your first wedding anniversary or have a renewal of vowels ceremony on your first anniversary, I know you said you wanted a summer one but if you really wanted it that much why did you not get married in the summer?
It looks to me like you are just doing this out of spite.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 20/01/2013 00:16

My team at work celebrate everyone's birthday with custom-made cake, card & gift/collection.

We are LOVELY though. Grin

The OP is clearly trying to provoke her DSis and has confused an AIBU thread with a whiny phone call to her best friend.

I am so glad I have lovely, considerate DSises. I don't think either position is unreasonable - I got married the day before my BF's birthday and cleared it with her before booking. But the whole context here just stinks of bitchery, resentment and one-upmanship. And what is it with this having a wedding reception months after getting married. Ridiculous.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 20/01/2013 00:22

Your sister isn't being precious about her birthday, she is entitled to celebrate it if she chooses. Whether you celebrate your birthday or the posters on here do or not is irrelevant.

For some reason you are choosing to celebrate your wedding 6 months after you got married and the only date you have chosen is your sisters birthday, so she has to forget her birthday plans to celebrate your wedding, again? Obviously once wasn't enough for you.

Why wait six months? Most people celebrate at the time. I think you're stretching it out for attention. You've had your day, get over it. I'd find it pretty weird celebrating someone's wedding six months later, total non event. Don't be surprised if people are busy, like with going to actual weddings.

YABU and selfish not to realise why you might have annoyed your sister.

thesnootyfox · 20/01/2013 00:31

Feltoverlooked, I honestly can't remember. The whole of the summer was taken up with weddings and the two weeks following each wedding was off limits because of honeymoons etc. We also wanted our wedding on the anniversary of the day we met so there was a specific reason for choosing that date.

ProudAS · 20/01/2013 09:24

I seem to recall seeing a thread on here a couple of days ago where the OP was unhappy about her DH putting DN's christening before her birthday and the consensus was that she WBU. Now however we are saying the OP IBU for having party on sister's birthday.

Birthdays are pre-determined and most other events aren't. Whilst it is not always practical to plan events around birthdays and they can be celebrated on another day surely anyone planning a family event on relative's birthday should at least run it by that person first!

Pinot · 20/01/2013 09:25

OP I hope you're alright after reading through all this.

ModernToss · 20/01/2013 09:42

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I'd just mention the birthday during the party, and perhaps have an additional cake.

leedy · 20/01/2013 09:56

Whatever about the birthday issue, I'm not sure why so many people find it weird/indulgent/bridezilloid that the OP is having a wedding party months after their wedding, or that that makes it "only a gratuitous party, you're already married" - I know a few people who've had a large reception on a different day to a low-key ceremony. Usually it's because a large number of their friends/family live somewhere other than where the ceremony was, or because they couldn't take time off around the actual wedding but needed to get married then for visa issues or something.

snowtimelikethepresent · 20/01/2013 10:01

YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU because ever since I started reading this thread I have had 'Get Dancing' by Disco Tex and the Sexolettes on my brain

And fwiw I think you're being a but U re your party date but there is probably more to this than meets the eye. I have a sister who is 5 years older than me too and is no stranger to pulling this kind of stunt, but on the whole we get on fine. On the face of it, it seems a bit of a storm in teacup (brewing up trouble over tiny little bubbles, The Fortunes c 1970, oh shit!!!)

whois · 20/01/2013 10:06

I don't get the big deal about adult non-significant birthdays.

Sister should be happy she will get to see all her family on her birthday :-)

BadLad · 20/01/2013 10:07

I enjoy celebrating my birthday - if it falls on a weekend or public holiday, then I will usually have a meal and drinks afterwards with any friends who can make it. Don't know why some people seem to think it's ridiculous to want to go out on your birthday if you're no longer a child.

Cherriesarelovely · 20/01/2013 10:09

Well fwiw I can't imagine a single member of my family being put out by this. Am amazed at all the posts saying your sister is BU. I think she sounds incredibly immature.

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/01/2013 10:22

ProudAS
"I seem to recall seeing a thread on here a couple of days ago where the OP was unhappy about her DH putting DN's christening before her birthday and the consensus was that she WBU. Now however we are saying the OP IBU for having party on sister's birthday."

A christening is a once in a lifetime thing, dates are rarely remembered and are often set by the church. This however is not a once in a lifetime thing. It is not a wedding, a wedding reception, or wedding breakfast, nor is it a renewal of vows.

It is just a party that the OP wants to have and could have any other day of the year but wants it on this day because it suits her.

We don't know how the OP's family works or what her sis normally does to celebrate her birthday but the OP has already said that she doesn't care about how her sister feels and it will be going ahead .

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