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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to give my friend a lift?

131 replies

SpringTimeRain · 15/01/2013 20:19

Me and a two friends have decided to start taking an exercise class on a Wednesday. Another friend text me today to say that she is coming too and could I give her a lift?

I don't mind helping out a friend in the slightest and in this instance this is a friend who relies on everyone to drive her places (she cannot drive), she will never offer money for petrol, parking and you'll be quite lucky to get a thank you from her.

We are hopefully going to be taking this class every week so I know it will become a regular thing of me having to drive her there too.

I think I might be being unreasonable because I go by her house on the way anyway so I'm not going out of my way, but for the reasons stated above I don't think I'm being overly unreasonable to not want to give her a lift.

(She also stated in her text that she has no way of getting there which is completely untrue as there is a bus stop 2 minutes from her house and it even has a stop outside where we are going.)

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 15/01/2013 20:22

If you're going anyway and it's not out of your way or incurring any extra expense then it's a bit mean-spirited not to give her a lift in my opinion.

If there are parking charges then you can split them.

JustAHolyFool · 15/01/2013 20:22

I do think that that is pretty off of you, yeah.

She's either your friend or she's not. If you're going past her house anyway, what's the big deal?

Original poster
SpringTimeRain · 15/01/2013 20:30

If it's a one off then it wouldn't bother me.

But I know this is going to become a weekly thing and every other time friends have given her a lift (including me) she has never offered petrol or parking money.

It just gets irritating after years of the same thing.

OP posts:
ThatVikRinA22 · 15/01/2013 20:31

She is your friend isnt she - you would rather she got the bus even though you drive past her house on the way?

i dont get that really. Fair enough if you were expected to go out of your way but you drive past her house! stop being so petty and ridiculous.

RuleBritannia · 15/01/2013 20:32

Just say that you can't pick her up because you have to be somewhere else immediately beforehand. Remind her of the bus route and how convenient it is. Perhaps she is poor and can't afford the bus fare. Oh no; she's paying for an exercise class.

ThatVikRinA22 · 15/01/2013 20:33

but presumably you will incur those expenses anyway??? whether you pick her up or not?

why not just say "fine but can we split the parking charge"? and see what she says. unless she is a real cow im sure she would be happy to do that - people who dont drive have no idea how expensive parking and petrol are.

stop bitching and just ask!

JustAHolyFool · 15/01/2013 20:33

So don't be friends with her then.

I find this kind of attitude so odd.

hermioneweasley · 15/01/2013 20:33

Agree with spring time rain - if she's never in a position to return the favour then it starts to feel rude. After all, you're a saving her bus fare as well as being more convenient. How about an assumption close "no problem - if to want to make it a regular thing let's call it £10 for petrol for the term" (assuming there's no parking costs, in which case those get split 3 ways too).

SandStorm · 15/01/2013 20:34

Just text back "ooh, that's a good idea - we can share petrol costs" and then make sure you do.

ENormaSnob · 15/01/2013 20:36

I hate people that expect others to do all the lift giving.

mrlazysfishwife · 15/01/2013 20:39

So you actually have to drive past her house but want her to get the bus?! That's mean! So yes YANU Sad

thegreylady · 15/01/2013 20:41

If she is your friend YABU!

Original poster
SpringTimeRain · 15/01/2013 20:41

I know I may have come across as a selfish cow but from giving her lifts for the last few years and being there when friends give lifts too I have never once seen her ever offer money.

I went out of my way once to take a different friend to work, she handed me £10 for doing it, of which I politely refused because it was a one off and I will always try and help out a friend.

But when you barely get a thank you in return and no offer of splitting costs when it becomes a regular thing it's going to get annoying.

Its kind of like you always taking someones child to school every morning and the other parent never offering to take them and give you money towards the cost.

OP posts:
Fakebook · 15/01/2013 20:42

But you're doing the class together and you're going past her house anyway. You're being quite weird for being like this. You're not going to be wasting petrol either.

MegaClutterSlut · 15/01/2013 20:42

As you have to go past her house anyway YABU

Original poster
SpringTimeRain · 15/01/2013 20:43

So you actually have to drive past her house but want her to get the bus?!

I never said I want her to get the bus.

If you read the OP I said that she said she has no other way of getting there unless I drive her there which I know for a fact isn't true.

OP posts:
MegaClutterSlut · 15/01/2013 20:44

well next time you do have to go out of your way to pick her up tell her ok providing she goes half on petrol

HecateWhoopass · 15/01/2013 20:45

Will it cost you any extra to pick her up? It won't cost more to park.

If not - then what's the harm? It's not costing you any more and she's a friend.

If you have to go out of your way, then text her and say "no problem. Give me half of what the bus fare would have cost you, towards petrol. you're going to have to make sure you're ready and waiting outside at X time though, because I won't be able to come in and fetch you.

So she knows that a) you will need a financial contribution and b) she has to actually be waiting because you can't be delayed.

thixotropic · 15/01/2013 20:46

I disagree with the posters that are saying you are selfish. It's all one way isn't it? It would Fuck me right off.

Before you say I'm selfish - I do actually givean acquaintance a lift one day a week, but the difference us, there is no expectation on her part. She sets off to walk to work, if I see her I stop and give her a lift. I would also have no problem if she wanted to do a more formal lift share,but I'd want a petrol contribution if she wanted a commitment to do a pick up.

That's the difference.

Say you can't guarantee to commit, or tell her you want petrol contribution, up front.

LemonBreeland · 15/01/2013 20:47

I think if you want to say okay we'll split the petrol costs, shall we say £x per week then you could do it. If you don't want to do that just say no.

FabulousFreaks · 15/01/2013 20:48

Just tell her how you feel rather than letting resentment fester and then the friendship ending over nothing. This could be resolved with a little grown up chat and then she can have a lift and you can have the cmpany of a friend every week.

Alisvolatpropiis · 15/01/2013 20:48

So...her house is on the way and does not require you to make any special effort to get there?

If so YABU and mean.

ENormaSnob · 15/01/2013 20:48

I reckon this is the last straw for you op.

Resentment has been building the last few years I imagine.

Yanbu

I have no issue with non drivers as long as they don't expect everyone else to ferry them about.

I wouldn't want a regular arrangement either, what if you want to go somewhere after or before. Do you have to go out of your way then to drop ms entitled off?

OhlimpPricks · 15/01/2013 20:49

I get what you're saying. You feel she is taking the piss and taking you for granted, and she is. No one wants to feel like a doormat.
I don't know if if that's a reason to refuse her a lift, but I certainly don't think YABU to feel used and a bit miffed.

HollyTheHedgehog · 15/01/2013 20:49

YABU

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