to not want to give my friend a lift?

[SpringTimeRain]

Me and a two friends have decided to start taking an exercise class on a Wednesday. Another friend text me today to say that she is coming too and could I give her a lift?

I don't mind helping out a friend in the slightest and in this instance this is a friend who relies on everyone to drive her places (she cannot drive), she will never offer money for petrol, parking and you'll be quite lucky to get a thank you from her.

We are hopefully going to be taking this class every week so I know it will become a regular thing of me having to drive her there too.

I think I might be being unreasonable because I go by her house on the way anyway so I'm not going out of my way, but for the reasons stated above I don't think I'm being overly unreasonable to not want to give her a lift.

(She also stated in her text that she has no way of getting there which is completely untrue as there is a bus stop 2 minutes from her house and it even has a stop outside where we are going.)

Exactly Megan I am shocked at the amoun of people who would accept bad manners and still do rude friends favours. Tey must have mug written on their face. Bad manners would really put me off

WhereYouLeftIt, you're right, I was confused, not sure why I thought both of her friends didn't drive.
I was just suggesting a way to word it, if she wanted to make a point to this person, who seems to annoy her.

beals692

Friends: Do you want to join us and OP at this exercise class at x gym?
Woman-you-don't-like: That gym's a bit of a nightmare to get to by bus (Note to car drivers - Just because there's a bus stop doesn't mean there are regular buses, that they run into the evening or that they go to wherever you want to go to!)
Friends: Well, why don't you ask OP for a lift? She'll have to drive right past your house to get there so it shouldn't be a problem. Why don't you text her?"

So its ok for other people to offer the OP as a lift?
Surely whoever invites the person should offer them a lift?

I took Hrrumph's "Swings and ROundabouts" comment to mean 'In life'.
Many times over my life I've given lifts to people who have not been in a position to give me lifts back. There have been other times when another parent has taken or fetched one of my dcs to something that I could not have managed. I've not directly paid them back, but hopefully someone else has done something nice for them, and the people I've done a favour for will do something nice for another family at some point when they get the chance. If the person really is a friend (and, as I said yesterday, I think that's the crux of the matter), then you don't keep balance sheets as to who has done whom the most favours. tbh, I don't even with casual acquaintances - I try to help people if I can, and (in RL, though not, it seems on MN) I find people generally are happy to help me out if I need help at other times.

"So its ok for other people to offer the OP as a lift?"

I'm not saying it's ok - I'm just saying that that may well be what has happened. Rather than assuming that this one individual is 'behind it all', has an 'entitled view' of OP etc, other friends may have a mistaken view of OP due to her words/previous actions ie referring to this woman as a 'friend', giving her lifts to places that are considerably out of her way may be giving other people the impression that a) she is friends with this woman and b) she wouldn't mind given her a lift if she is driving straight past her house and they are going to the same place. If OP is unhappy with the assumptions people are making about her and the situation she is in, she can either a) tell this woman that she is no longer friends with her and is not prepared to pick her up on the way to this class or b) tell her what she expects of her in return for a lift.

What other people would or wouldn't do for a (non-?)friend or would or would not expect in exchange for a lift is kind of irrelevant as OP obviously has her views on it and is unhappy with the current situation so it's best to be upfront rather than having a simmering resentment festering on.

I think it's a great time OP to say: 'Fab, I can give you a lift, you can give me £2 (?) so you save on bus fare and I save on petrol, and you don't have to wait for buses'.

As a non-driver, I would only ask for a lift in an emergency, I would accept a lift whenever offered.

A few years ago, DSis gave me a birthday present of taking me to the zoo a couple of hours away. My DP offered to take us in his car, so Sis paid for him to go to the zoo too, as she had factored the cost of driving into her present to me. I think that was when I realised that even though public transport is extortionate, so is running a car.

Now, we both know that if Sis and I go shopping, I will pay parking charges and we will use the most convenient and expensive car park. If I have asked Sis to take me shopping, rather than both of us wanting to go, I buy lunch as well.

It is easy to get complacent that drivers are happy to run non drivers around, but if you have a proper relationship it is just as easy to explain/see the problems.