To be sick of women's attitudes about their oh's competenence with their children?

[rhondajean]

My blood is boiling! Come tell me I am being totally unreasonable.

In the last week I have read countless threads all of which focused on fathers perceived inability to take care of their own children, make decisions a out parenting, basically be an adult.

I can't decide whether half on MN is married/living with idiots or whether there is such a level of arrogance among some women that they cannot accept they are not irreplaceable to their little darlings for a couple of hours, or even days.

C'mon, slap me down!

I so agree with the OP.

However I think some women particularly SAHMs like to make out be a parent is sooooooooooo difficult and specialised that only they can do it to justify their existence and also be a bit of a Mummy martyr about it. Heaven forbid that their OH goes out to work and also does as good a job (or even worse better) than looking after the children.

My mother was like this. My dad was never allowed to look after his own children and anything he did remotely in the house (unless it was deemed a man's jbo) was criticised. she tried doing the same with the grand children that he couldn't be left alone with them as 'he wouldn't cope'!!!. Thankfully my sister and I told her she was being ridiculous and he's happily looked after three grandchildren eldest now twelve without incident.

I see that sort of attitude so much on here. Mummymartyr says only I can put them to bed, only i know how to feed them etc etc and it's really depressing..

To be honest I couldn't find someone attractive if they're that poor at looking after their children, but each to their own. When I married DH it was as equals, not to gain a child.

Kim I would definitely trust DH to do all of those things (wouldn't have had children with him if not).

I know of a couple, both highly skilled, well paid professionals who had twins. The dad never once changed a nappy (in nearly 3 years). How can that be?

hopandskip they are children up to 18

You are aware that children can have SN/disability/sen etc? No?

There, that's a situation I'd like to point out!! As well as interacting with school and other activities.... It covers it all

kim I'd trust DP to do all those things, aside from the "clothes that suit him" part They'd fit, sure, it's not hard to read an age label, but he can barely pick out clothes which suit himself

Personally know a mother in my 16 year olds college class who will not let her DH take their dd for driving practice, you know, 'just in case'

The DH is a motorway police officer! The mother is scared he will scare her daughter with tales of accidents!

My husband has sold charge of our 4yo whilst I'm away with work - several nights at a time. He can do it.
Anything he doesn't do as I would like, I'd not threatening to her health and happiness.
But, he buys clothes the wrong size, doesn't think to include a vegetable in any meal, forgets to help her choose a show & tell...
This evening we went to a neighbour's for a drink - he nipped home for something and I asked him to bring back a toy for our child, to keep her distracted so we could talk.
Even the neighbours rolled their eyes when he came back with a hand puppet. A toy she'll expect adults to use to interact with her...
He just doesn't think. And that's been the same since I was the one who bothered to check we had clean nappies available.
I am not going to judge an entire gender by one man, but you know - he IS less competent than me. And I wish he wasn't.

Would you trust your DP to

a) Buy clothes / shoes for your DC that fit and suit them
b) Take them to the doctors and express concerns about an illness or issues you had
c) Talk to the teacher about any issues
d) Look after them if they were ill at home

Of course. Sadly there are women who wouldn't even let their DP choose which outfit to dress the child in!!

Kim147 I'd say that if one couldn't trust their other half to do any of those things, then they should be seriously questioning themselves or their relationship.

Exactly-why would you choose to have a child with a man you couldn't trust?

The only thing I would say that I do better than DH is to dress DD. For some reason he puts her in the most ridiculous things, yet can pick things for me or him to wear. Not sure it's quite the same as letting her fall in a pond though.

DH dressed them in ridiculous combinations-I just left him to it-they didn't mind!

I wouldn't have wanted him to complain about the outfits I chose-therefore you can't do it the other way around.

Yeah they're toddlers, no problem!

I'm not saying we're as good as each other at everything, that's not the case. We're just a team, with equal responsibilities. I'm a SAHM and DH is the breadwinner, but we're equal parents.

Oh, I wouldn't mind at all. I was joking

It's definitely a mix of some really inadequate males and some mummy martyrs.

My sister is a complete martyr with her children, when they were small, their (perfectly capable) father was never allowed to do anything, as he always got it wrong. This continued all through their childhood, and he went along with it for an easy life. She used to ask the children who they loved more, her or him.

Funnily enough they're divorced now.

"She used to ask the children who they loved more, her or him."

Please tell me you made that up. That's truly shocking.......

Agree georgedawes.

The only things I do better than DH are things that I have had to learn through greater exposure to that experience. No reason at all why he could not learn. No biggie, IMO that he isn't as skilled as me as things stand. I don't know how to do an oil change, but I could learn.

Yes that's true Jamie, I know DD's little foibles more than DH because I spend more time with her - so I tell him what works well etc. It's not because I'm better than him, just that I spend more time with her during the week.

GiveMe, sadly no it's true. She said it jokingly(ish) that I witnessed, but still said it. They've since had a very, very messy divorce where the children were very involved (and split down the middle). Horrible.

Agree with most of the comments on here.
Go away for a couple of days, and most men will cope near enough, or, in some cases better than us.
I think that frightens some women.

But there are some people who get pregnant very early on in a relationship.
And it then becomes almost pot luck, what sort of competent dad your child ends up with.

Cabhrina he's less competent than you because he can be. The first time he went to the nappy pile and found there were no nappies he'd learn. As long as his mistakes have no consequences for him, he'll continue to make them.

dp competent with the kids, i have been away in hospital and didnt come back to destruction but then he had two children when i met him so i expected him to be. he cooks tea most nights.does washing,homework ect but cant imagine him doing crafts. he also sucks at clothes shopping for them.

A lot of it is about how you were brought up.

My dh has to fight against his upbringing. When remarking to his parents that he would be cooking x for dinner his dad asked "Why are you cooking? Where is Susan?
His mum replied "well some men enjoy cooking."
I could stab both their eyes out I really could. As I pointed out to dh it isn't about bloody liking cooking, somebody has to do it, otherwise the dcs and us will flaming starve.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1652838-Bloody-DH?msgid=36424064#36424064

This is the sort of attitude a lot of these poster's you are moaning about most likely have to deal with. Still failing to see how its the mums faults...