To be sick of women's attitudes about their oh's competenence with their children?

[rhondajean]

My blood is boiling! Come tell me I am being totally unreasonable.

In the last week I have read countless threads all of which focused on fathers perceived inability to take care of their own children, make decisions a out parenting, basically be an adult.

I can't decide whether half on MN is married/living with idiots or whether there is such a level of arrogance among some women that they cannot accept they are not irreplaceable to their little darlings for a couple of hours, or even days.

C'mon, slap me down!

"Make them be involved from the start-go out and leave them to it"

Quite dangerous to leave something so easily hurt, or killed with someone who has to be "made" to do something.

There is lots of reasearch about that states that a baby's cry triggers a different response in a female than it does in a male.

If a new Mum doesn't want to take the chance of the baby not being cared for properly,then she shouldn't.

More women probably babysit that stepdads, but very few baby's end up disabled or killed by their female babysitters.

They shouldn't have to go out to get him involved but they do not need to take on the role of superior parent-they can be there and let him get on with it. Sadly many women have let him not get involved with ironing, cooking, cleaning bathrooms from the start. If from day 1 they made sure that he did his fair share then they wouldn't have a problem with child care. I bet that many women haven't bathed a baby-I hadn't- and yet they suddenly become the expert who has to tell him what to do!!

It has been well proven that a connection exists between a Mum and her new born, recognising their cry, not having to hear it, producing milk, when the baby wakes for a feed, even when apart.

I don't think that this is a subject that can be taken out of an individual's decision and be commented on by strangers.

There is lots of reasearch about that states that a baby's cry triggers a different response in a female than it does in a male.

DP has told me her cry is like shooting pains in his ears. It physically hurts him to hear her cry.

I obviously hate when she cries, but it doesnt wind me up or affect me in any way, other than to comfort her, work out whats wrong and fix it if I can.

I simply wouldn't have been willing to have a child with a man who I couldn't trust 100%. I can't contemplate having to be there just to see the child is safe.

Newborns,cc and bfing are such a tiny part of childhood

Op mentioned older dc. Why the focus on babies? They aren't the main issue even..

YANBU. It is a disgrace. I have friends who can't go out until the DC are asleep as their DH's "couldn't cope" with putting them to bed. I know other people who have never gone away for a weekend because their in laws couldn't assist their DH in caring for the kids. Get a life for the love of God. They will soon learn. If you're so worried about safety then what do you do when you go to the loo?

I think that many women just like to be the one in control and the 'superior' parent. Many men have to have sole care-if the woman dies in childcare, has PND, is ill etc-they cope perfectly well when they have to.

exotic

I do trust DP 100%. Its his distress I am more concerned about.

To assume that a women who doesnt want to leave her children with her partner doesnt trust him is ridiculous.

They're not taking the role of suprior parent, they are caring for their baby. a dad is just as capable of helping with the first bath, comforting the baby, feeding if mum isn't BFing etc.
If he has been supporting mum and doing things with her from the first time on then they will learn together and she wont have to give him advice.
If however he's been sat in front of the TV or down the pub while mum does the care then he's the one at fault, not the mum for being "superior to his parenting" by actually doing parenting.

Its his distress I am more concerned about

That is his problem and not yours-he would get over it if he had to!

Many women won't leave the baby with their mother or MIL and then there is no excuse-they are women who have had babies. Some women just like to be the only one who can cope!

YANBU one of said threads left me wondering what planet I'm living on?!

YANBU. Men and women can parent equally well if they want to; there's no reason to treat men like idiots.

hopandskip is there a reason you are focusing on 'babies'??

There's another 16,17 years to be considered you know

Well exotic, I like to make my partner happy just as he does me.

So if hes distressed I do tend to care.

If you mean a small baby not being left with mother or mil then what planet are you living on. What mother would want to be separated from their child like that?

Our instincts tell us to protect our children. Its got nothing to do with an inflated sense of importance and everything to do with evolution and our inbuilt drives to keep our babies safe.

IMO, this isn't a Man vs Woman thing, this is a "controlling person" vs "non-controlling person" thing.

I see a large number of woman deskilling their husbands by insisting they are not capable of childcare, house work etc and I see similar numbers of men de-skilling their wives with respect to 'traditionally' male roles.

My wife and I make a huge effort to reverse the traditional gender stereotyped roles in our lives to compensate for the trash that our children hear elsewhere about what men are good and and what women are good at.

It's a control thing for a lot of people.

TBH I'm not really surprised that this comes up a lot on Lone Parents boards. Most people who split up with the father of their kids did so either because he was an abusive twunt or a lazy selfish twat, at least as part of the reasons. Lazy selfish people don't tend to make amazingly hands-on or particularly trustworthy parents, and women's aid reckons that 75% of abusive ex-partners will go on to abuse the children as well, and I don't know if that counts the high proportion of exes who use the children to continue to emotionally abuse or control the mother.

So in any of those cases I give my full support to any woman who doesn't trust her ex with her kids. I expect as well that lone parents who had a totally amicable split with their ex and a great co-parenting relationship don't have cause to post on there very often about said ex's parenting ability.

I did not and still do not really trust XP to look after DS properly, I would trust DP to take him to the ends of the earth.

More women-blaming shit. Excellent. How about a few more men step up, which is more like the problem.

IloveTIFFANY I'm focusing on babies now because I was responding to exotic saying mums should go out to leave dad with the baby from the start to force him to be responsible. I was focusing on toddlers earlier in the thread.
And realistically there's another 6-7 years max, not 16-17. I've not heard any mums panicking about leaving an older child with a father unless there's serious concerns, unless you have a situation you'd like to point out?

Kim147 I'd say that if one couldn't trust their other half to do any of those things, then they should be seriously questioning themselves or their relationship.

Kim147 "learned helplessness applies to both genders"

I agree 100%