To be sick of women's attitudes about their oh's competenence with their children?

[rhondajean]

My blood is boiling! Come tell me I am being totally unreasonable.

In the last week I have read countless threads all of which focused on fathers perceived inability to take care of their own children, make decisions a out parenting, basically be an adult.

I can't decide whether half on MN is married/living with idiots or whether there is such a level of arrogance among some women that they cannot accept they are not irreplaceable to their little darlings for a couple of hours, or even days.

C'mon, slap me down!

I'm going to do some ironing now so I'll check back and see what everyone thinks in a bit - post pizza.

Yes there was one today with mothers saying ' I won't allow him to take our dc there anymore' and ' I will put a stop to him'

Mums do not own their dc!!! Just because they gave birth!

Hear hear Hecate. And of course at times one will do more than the other, and it should play to each partners strengths.

It probably will make your blood boil OP. But as someone said above, sometimes you dont know how your parenting style and your partner's parenting style is going to be until you have a child together specially if, the pregnancy comes as a surprise. And also you can't change other person either....and sometimes LtB is not as easy as it sounds.

I don't see why it's annoying you to be honest... They're the ones having to live with useless partners.

Some men can be perfectly acceptable husbands/partners, but incompetent/lazy/selfish fathers. It's a completely different role to play.
I'm completely failing to see why you're annoyed at the MUM'S for this incompetence?

TIFFANY Sadly, alot of woman do have that view, especially when relationships end and the mother thinks she can banned the father from contact.

My OH looks after our children more than I do. We disagree slightly on some things, but I had to learn to let him do it his less good way. I will say here and now that he can't dress them for shit though. If I die, I hope he remarries pretty sharpish or the poor little DCs will get teased horribly at school.

The only thing DH honestly couldn't do as well as me is hair. But that's because he can't touch stretchy things, they give him the heebiejeebies. So elastic bands are a no-no.
DD would manage with clips and a short haircut of course, if I got a job that required me to be out of the door at 6am, and he had to take over getting her ready, but I could do plaits and bunches that he never could.
(I have thought about this before.)

What Hecate said.

Does my head in when I go out somewhere and my mum says "Oh is Dh babysitting?". Err no, he's looking after his own kids like a normal person. And my aunty when Dh takes over cooking the tea because she has phoned me "Oh, your poor husband, is he cooking the tea again? He's always cooking the tea. Don't you ever let him sit down?"

It's annoying because they're colluding in their own oppression, quite frankly. Saying 'oh, that just isn't something he's good at'...well, I am dreadful at most aspects of parenting but guess what, I have to get on with them. And most of them, to be honest, I have learned to carry out with a modicum of competence.

YANBU, I have noted the posts where the poster believes the father is not capable of parenting to as high a standard as them - the father parents differently, which is then defined as parenting incorrectly.

In a dreadful crisis, my husband demonstrated he was instinctively a better parent than me, in a way that put 'remembering to read school notes' in the shade. When he cheeses me off, I remember he loves the children just as much as me and when the chips are down, he is more use than I am. Gender does not define your worth as a parent.

Oh.
And he tucks leggings into socks (WTF?).

Not lucky to have a dh who does his share, it's just as it should be!

I was ill after my dd was born and was staggered by the number of cards which congratulated my dh for looking after the baby so well. I know they meant well, but not often people say well done in a card to New mums is it?

IloveTIFFANY No, mum's dont own their DC, but they have a responsibility to keep them safe, and in some cases they are the only one who will take this responsibility seriously. So in that case, yes they do need to put their foot down.
And equally I'm sure some men have to put their foot down if their DC has an irresponsible or uncaring mother.

Completely agree. We went away in the summer and had to cut short a lovely bike ride (which I was hoping was going to end at a lovely pub) because a woman who was a friend of a friend had to get back because her husband obviously was incompetent of looking after his own children.

FFS if you die who you leaving to look after the kids??? Have you willed guardianship to someone more competent than DH?

It also annoys me on here when someone posts about a problem with their dh, and other posters pipe up with "well he's a man, their brains are different, it's just how they are..." Bollocks. You're making excuses for someone acting like dicks!

Makes me really quite sad to think of all these ridiculous stereotypes being passed on to sons and daughters.

Well you'd be better off single then hopandskip.

yy to learned helplessness and enfeebling

As ever, what Hec said

Seriously panda? How physically inept would you have to be to be unable to change nappies? Does he get DLA for that?

Actually where I noticed double standards were two contrasting "I'm not happy with my Xmas presents from DP" threads. There was a lot of complicated background to both, but what I noticed was that the male DP got a load of credit for (gasp!) going out all by himself, buying a present and wrapping it up, whilst the female DP did not get any credit for performing this superhuman feat.

Mother inferior - you are right. How many people would let someone do all the chores if they thought they could get away with it. If women insist on having things done their way and there is no room for achieving a goal by another route then they will be left with a lazy sod on the sofa.

georgedawes If you'd actually read what i said, I didn't say all men. I said some men aren't responsible just as some women aren't. Should the other parent leave their child in a dangerous situation just because it's a parent putting them in danger rather than a stranger?

TheUnsinkable.

I think my DH is better at many things than me. I think we complement each other though.

And if you read my post, hopandskip, I didn't refer to gender at all. I simply said if someone is that inadequate as a parent you'd be better off single, which is true.