To be sick of women's attitudes about their oh's competenence with their children?

[rhondajean]

My blood is boiling! Come tell me I am being totally unreasonable.

In the last week I have read countless threads all of which focused on fathers perceived inability to take care of their own children, make decisions a out parenting, basically be an adult.

I can't decide whether half on MN is married/living with idiots or whether there is such a level of arrogance among some women that they cannot accept they are not irreplaceable to their little darlings for a couple of hours, or even days.

C'mon, slap me down!

Kim - LOL at 'putting them in colour co-ordinated clothes'. Seriously, who gives a....?

Weeell, I fit the stereotype I'm afraid, but I'm well aware I've/we've made it that way. On a farm, there's stuff I just can't do when heavily pregnant/with smalls in tow, so I'm pretty reliant on him doing it for me, which leaves him with less time and therefore he's pretty reliant on me doing the nappies etc.

He's changed a nappy 3 times. And last time he did, it was on back to front. It's not stupidity though, just something he doesn't do/isn't used to.

Seriously panda? How physically inept would you have to be to be unable to change nappies? Does he get DLA for that?

Well he does have a condition which affects manual dexterity/fine motor control now you mention it and if we were in the UK he would qualify for DLA. Sorry, I should have said.

But it sounds like you are happy with the role split BoPeep? I think OP meant people who weren't at all happy about it?

But surely a back to front nappy isn't really such a big deal ? Speaking as someone who's changed a few hundred thousand or so, and not just my DC's

IloveTIFFANY-one of my friends partners let his 2 year old fall into a deep duck pond, along with loosing him in shops a few times, falling down stairs when he hadn't shut the stairgate, and falling out of his raised seat at the table because he hadn't strapped him in. They've had to take him to A&E 3 times in all because of his father not supervising him adequatly.
Not sure why people assume all adults are capable of keeping children safe without some support to begin with? otherwise surely we wouldn't bother with nursery's we'd just send them off with any random adult.

oops - awkward

I think the biggest mstake women make is watch their partners make mistakes, then suffer the consequences themselves. Thus their is no incentive for blokes to take resonsibility for their actions.

DH is only just learning this....... Take the kids to school, forget half their stuff? Then YOU go back and get it, YOU take said stuff to school, YOU are late for work, and YOU will switch you brain on next time

Another example is DH arraging to work late on his pick up day and not arrange after school club. School naturally called me, and I had no hesitation in pinging them back to DH. He tried to spit the dummy; he was RAGING that I didn't step in. He did it twice befire the penny dropped.

My point isnt the division of labour - some households of coir it makes economic sense for one to work and one to stay at home.

As an example, it would be whether the WOHp was "allowed" to look after teh children alone while the sahp went and did something or had a night out and there have been umpteen threads about "can DP look after baby without me" lately among other similar ones.

And I understand women with ebf babies wanting reassurance that leaving the baby for four hours or so is possible, I'm not talking about that either.

And not just about babies too, older children! Its been overwhelming for me in the last week or so on here.

I'm glad to see a lot of you don't think iabu...

Isn't it a bit harsh though when we talk about men "letting" their DC's fall into duck-ponds and such like ?
Obviously if accidents keep happening you need to think about things, but accidents do happen.
Most of us might have lost our DC's a few times in shops ? No ? (especially pre-teens ?)

I didn't say it was your situation hopandskip.

If a man isn't involved in parenting is children from day one (even if that's just to support the mother) he's acting like an idiot.

Interesting what Larry said. My dh has had a similar experience.

I am happy with the childcare split - it's not just back-to-front nappies...There's been occasions when I walk back in the room when he's been looking after her and she's got hold of a biro and is about to stab an eye out...or the time I came in the sound of choking and fished a bit of paper out of her mouth, and he hadn't noticed at all! I'm a lot more safety conscious than him. Possibly not because he's a man though, my family are very hot on safety in general so I was brought up that way. Willing to admit I'm a bit paranoid aswell.

So that begs the question hopandskip as to why she is still with someone so inadequate?

rhonda when theres not a safety concern about the dad i think it's more the mum feeling bad about leaving crying DC's and seeking some reassurance on here that everyone else does the same and that it's ok.
Personally I think that's fair enough, I think most mums would feel slightly upset leaving a crying baby/child behind however soon they cheer up after.

My DH just got DS to eat and me to calm down and stop crying (with frustration at yet another bowl of food being spat out)

He's a SAHD 2 days a week

He's great

My exH was very competent at some things, OK at others and totally unsafe at a few things.

For example I never let him supervise the children swimming until they were very good swimmers. I did initially trust him to look after the 2 year old in the pool while on holiday, but in the space of 30 minutes she wandered away twice, once down on the beach and the second time to another part of the pool complex. On both occasions he got chatting with someone at the pool edge and he forgot her. I always looked after them after that.

It is OK to let him do a job and not have it done to my liking (like putting on a nappy) but when it comes to safety then there is no question.

YANBU. Most people have no experience of babies and they both start as complete novices-for some strange reason the woman then becomes the 'expert' and the 'superior' parent who has to be in control and has to tell him how to do it!! They can be equal parents from start-apart from bfeeding- he can do it all. The best thing is to let him do it. It is so sad that many men never get the time on their own with the baby that the women get.

I wouldn't want to have a child with a man that you couldn't trust 100%-it means that you have to have an extra child.

george so you suggest she leaves him, despite no problems between them, rather than her just keeping a closer eye until DS is slightly older?
If she left him he'd most likely get given second, third and forth chances and have him alone for long periods anyway.

What if he has an accident with her??

exotic-i doubt the women the OP is on about have DP's who were willing to be involved from the start though, otherwise they wouldn't only now be fully caring for their DC for the first time. There seems to be a lot of blame going onto mums for dads who can't be bothered here....

Make them be involved from the start-go out and leave them to it. They are adults and equal parents!

Im not sure if you are referring to my thread or not. But I do have this issue so I will explain why.

The baby is 7 weeks old. This week she has been more unsettled than usual.

DD1 is 4 but isnt DPs so there are issues there regarding discipline and bad behaviour.

Personally, I have no issue with DPs ability. But I do have an issue with leaving him for an afternoon with two screaming kids while Im out enjoying myself. Especially as he never goes out himself and he has been run ragged looking after us all for months while I was pregnant.

So YABU to assume its because the partner is incompetent or thatits the mothers own inflated ego. There are many different situations in which a mother may not want to leave the kids with her partner.

Not sure why it would get your blood boiling though. Thats a bit OTT.

what so mums are meant to be leaving their newborns, and expressing milk if they're BFing, just to encourage dads to give a toss? Why should they have to go out just to get him involved? surely thats not a family...