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Original poster

To return our cat to the rescue home we got her from?

216 replies

DreamingofFour · 03/01/2013 08:56

Our 10 year old cat has always been shy and twitchy, which we put down to a hard life before we got her from the Cat Rescue Home 3 years ago. But since we moved house six months ago she has become a bit of a nightmare. She keeps weeing & pooing all over the new house, and despite our best efforts (putting out cat lit if she wants it, helping her thru cat flap etc) she seems to be getting worse. Now she is really jumpy and even more shy. We have taken her to the vet, who said there was nothing physically wrong but wondered if it was psychological and should she have Prozac. At the same time we are dealing with our youngest waking up every night, all the kids sick, work etc etc so we don't have the capacity to be cleaning up the sofa from cat wee/poo every day.(The latest spot she chose). Given that she isn't very happy, would it be ok to return her to the cat rescue home where I suspect she would be happier?
Anyone else been in this situation?

Thanks for your help

OP posts:
HDee · 03/01/2013 18:59

Heartless and cruel is keeping alive an incontinent animal just because you, the owner, 'loves' it. I realise the OPs cat isn't incontinent through old age, but the result is the same. Just the thought of one of my toddlers stumbling into a pile of steaming poo or slipping in piss makes me wretch.

I'm glad I will never be a nutty pet owner who can't see the wood for the trees. My family comes before any animal.

oldpeculiar · 03/01/2013 18:59

'OK I have decided that there are a lot of strange people on here who think that subjecting small children to a life of living in a stinking house with a cat that shits and pisses everywhere is reasonable.

hear hear! shows how much they think of their children.I too wait for one of them to offer a home to this cat.If not why not?

oldpeculiar · 03/01/2013 19:01

'What about the shit and piss of babies and small children... in other people's family homes, the bus, the train and shops? '

where? I never see any , only that of fucking dogs!

OverlyYappyAlways · 03/01/2013 19:01

I had to put mine a crate for a while, then a very small room at the back of the last house, she only pissed once but that was enough, she was stressed out by going out and other cats bullying her, I moved house she was very stressed again, but then she just stopped, she is still a strange cat but I cannot give her away.

She comes down stairs at 9pm every night, and goes into the kitchen sleeps there then upstairs as soon as I am up, she lives in my son room on the top bunk! Strange but happy enough.....

Lock her away, to save pissing etc on floor, it wasn't a huge problems for me as I had tiles and hardwood. I don't like carpets my Dc are dirty!

oldpeculiar · 03/01/2013 19:02

sorry that's on the street, the grass etc obviously not in shops. because oh yes babies wear nappies becauise crap and piss everywhere is unacceptable

OverlyYappyAlways · 03/01/2013 19:02

I would have vet checked tbh!

Mine only does 2 pees a day and one poo at 9pm every night!

LouisWalshsChristmasCloset · 03/01/2013 19:03

^ this.
Cant remember the last time i stepped it toddler poo when out for a.stroll

thehairybabysmum · 03/01/2013 19:08

Agree Feliway is great, we have a very similar situation with our cat.

Also you may need to leave lit tray down more permanently?

SparklingSnow · 03/01/2013 19:12

HDee, someone who is willing to put down an innocent animal just because they see the animal as an inconvenience, is heartless and cruel.

KellyElly · 03/01/2013 19:22

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marriedinwhite · 03/01/2013 19:25

OP. I am a cat lover. We have three.

Many, many years ago we moved to a new house with a very nervous cat who was then about 8 and who I had had since she was a kitten. She was not happy, she had always been a neurotic cat. There was a ginger tom bruiser outside who badly scratched her rear as she slammed back in through the cat flap. After about six months she started to calm down and with the cat flap gone and confined to the utility room she she stopped peeing all over the house.

Then we had a baby and it started all over again. The baby got bigger, the baby had respiratory problems, the cat was ever more unhappy and by then about 11. The baby started crawling, the cat was messing everywhere and very unhappy and needed more attention that I could give her. I talked to the vet, I agonised over what to do. The vet said "actually you have a child with chronic respiratory problems and the child has to come first and you don't know if the asthma is exacerbated by the cat". I don't think Feliway was around 16 years ago.

We were debating what would be best and were looking into having a heated pen installed in the garden that would protect her from other cats and isolate her from the 13/14 month old. The vet called unexpectedly to say that he had just pts an elderly cat for an elderly lady who was devastated but who had a quiet home, who wouldn't contemplate a young cat because she was mid 80s and who had the time and care to give to a nervous cat. I know we were lucky and got a lucky break - but that cat had a good life for another three years until she died of natural causes.

The vet was also contemplating that the cat might be developing dementia that was exacerbated by the changes she had to suffer.

The thing I'm trying to say is even the vet said the baby had to come first but also there are alternatives that might be considered if you have a good vet and a bit of time or money on your hands.

KellyElly · 03/01/2013 19:33

The vet said "actually you have a child with chronic respiratory problems and the child has to come first and you don't know if the asthma is exacerbated by the cat". Married, in that situation its totally appropriate to rehome the cat. Of course animals don't come before your children and if a child has asthma and cat hairs are contributing to it getting worse that's absolutely the right thing to do. In OPs case she could have just googled stressed cat and Feliway would have popped up. I'm very surprised the vet didn't suggest this as they are stocked in all vets surgeries. I have a very nervous cat and this works every time we move and also after I had DD.

skratta · 03/01/2013 19:40

Some people on this thread seem to consider cats worthless. Although they should not be considered or equated to children, cats, as pets, should be cared for for as long and as kindly as possible. However, in some situations, like with my cat, which I mentioned before, sometimes cats will have to be PTS, which can prevent the cat from either a lot of suffering and fear if all methods have failed, and if the likelihood is they won't be rehomed, so sending them to a rescue centre would either mean being PTS later, or, if a 'no kill' one, your cat living out his days with not much attention and probably a stressful, unhappy life.

marriedinwhite · 03/01/2013 19:56

But the OP could think laterally and beyond sending the cat for rehoming even if she doesn't feel she can keep it. That's what I'm trying to say really. And i still feel guilty because I don't ultimately think DS's respiratory problems were cat related but we didn't know that at the time. I still remember taking her to the lady and feeling so upset. She had a little flat near the common and she and the cat were happy. She went into a home shortly after the cat was pts and by then I had two small children and never managed to visit her before she died.

KellyElly · 03/01/2013 21:07

Married you sound like a lovely pet owner and did everything you could for your cat. So far removed from some of the inhumane attitudes on here.

MummytoMog · 03/01/2013 21:24

Oh dear. We had a cat like that - still have her in fact, but she stopped the inappropriate elimination eventually and we have no idea why. Bought all the Vicky Halls books, fun to read but didn't help in the slightest. Tried Feliway, did sod all. We ended up using herbal remedies in the water for a bit, but after we'd had her a year or so, and moved house, it calmed down and she's still grumpy but doesn't crap everywhere. It may have been a local stray upsetting her, so my only suggestion is that you try blocking up the catflap for a bit and see if she settles down. Or, if you're anywhere near east London and have a big car, I have a cat pen with heaters I could do with getting rid of ;)

PessaryPam · 03/01/2013 23:25

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D0oinMeCleanin · 03/01/2013 23:33

Why does the Doghouse get a bad name? This thread is just the same. responsible people vs couldn't give a shit people.

FWIW I am with the cat people.

I have a cat. He has IBS. I have a mop and hard floors.

When people realise that when you bring an animal into your home there is a chance it will become ill/elderly/stressed and start toileting in the house? If you are not prepared to go to all lengths to solve this before you give up on your pet, then you really should have pets.

Put the cat on Prozac like the vet suggested. Buy some Feliway. Consult a behaviourist.

SparklingSnow · 04/01/2013 00:37

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SparklingSnow · 04/01/2013 00:39

Also, nobody has insulted the OP. All certain posters have been doing is telling her the truth about what would happen. And also pointing out that she hasn't even tried other options.

Some people obviously want to keep their heads buried in the sand...

SparklingSnow · 04/01/2013 00:43

DOoinMeCleanin is a responsible cat owner. She hasn't rejected her cat to be put to sleep just because he has a health problem. That's what people should do when they take in an animal. Be aware that health problems can happen.

If you can't deal with that, then the answer is simple. Do not take a pet. Very simple.

ThatVikRinA22 · 04/01/2013 01:02

for me, an animal is for life - thats a quality of life for the animal, but i would no more get an animal pts or hand it back like a disposable product than fly to the moon.

i dont understand why anyone would "rescue" an animal only to hand it back when the going gets tough. animals pee, vomit, shit and shed hair. If you cant cope with that then dont get one would be my advice.

i have always seen myself as a responsible pet owner - in that my animals are with me for life, and i have ended that life when its been in their best interest to do so - not mine i hasten to add.

the attitude to animals on here does baffle me somewhat in that many people seem to see pets as disposable.

im all for responsible pet owner ship and euthanising when their quality of life is such that its the kind thing to do.
but handing a cat back to the shop like a returnable goods is beyond me really. why bother in the first place really?
to those saying it got 3 more years with op....it could have just as easily got 10 more quality years with someone else. its a mute point. what ifs are mute.

i have had many cats and dogs, plus many other smaller animals including hamsters, rats, rabbits and guinea pigs - the ones i have found hardest work i have refused to get again (and those were the small rodents)

dont rescues have a policy of rehoming for life? if you cant guarantee a home for life then dont do it. let someone else who can do it instead. simple.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 04/01/2013 01:38

It's only a cat. It doesn't have the imagination or thought processes to feel 'rejected'. If it's stressing you out, take it back to the cat rescue, or offer it free to a good home on Ebay or something. It's not like you're planning to set fire to it or drop it down a mineshaft.

Loveweekends10 · 04/01/2013 06:28

We are in the same boat exactly. It's made me feel unattached to the cat. I will try that felliway stuff.

catsmother · 04/01/2013 07:59

Yes Vicar - exactly.

And please please please don't "offer free to a good home on eBay" etc .... you have no way of knowing where it'd end up or how it'd be treated. Rescue centres charge a fee not only to (partially) cover their costs but also to deter people from taking pets without (hopefully) a great deal of thought beforehand, plus the hope that anyone prepared to mistreat an animal is less likely to pay for one in the 1st place.