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AIBU?

To return our cat to the rescue home we got her from?

216 replies

DreamingofFour · 03/01/2013 08:56

Our 10 year old cat has always been shy and twitchy, which we put down to a hard life before we got her from the Cat Rescue Home 3 years ago. But since we moved house six months ago she has become a bit of a nightmare. She keeps weeing & pooing all over the new house, and despite our best efforts (putting out cat lit if she wants it, helping her thru cat flap etc) she seems to be getting worse. Now she is really jumpy and even more shy. We have taken her to the vet, who said there was nothing physically wrong but wondered if it was psychological and should she have Prozac. At the same time we are dealing with our youngest waking up every night, all the kids sick, work etc etc so we don't have the capacity to be cleaning up the sofa from cat wee/poo every day.(The latest spot she chose). Given that she isn't very happy, would it be ok to return her to the cat rescue home where I suspect she would be happier?
Anyone else been in this situation?

Thanks for your help

OP posts:
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kilmuir · 04/01/2013 08:05

Poor cat.

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Booboostoo · 04/01/2013 08:11

I suspect that the people who suggest PTS so quickly haven't actually had to make the decision, take a pet to the vet and stay there while it was being done. Having had the misfortune to have horses and dogs PTS, it's not a decision anyone can make lightly.

There is a potentially, easy solution, Feliway, just try it OP and see what happens.

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seeker · 04/01/2013 08:20

Now this is something I genuinely don't understand.

I see that the Op hasn't tried feliway- an I know it works sometimes. But say she does, and it doesn't work. So she has a cat that pees and poos everywhere. Are people genuinely saying that she should just let it live normally in the house and carry on cleaning up aft it for the rest of its natural life? Surely not- surely. Or that it should be contained in a small, easy to clean area? Which would be horrible for a cat used to family life.

People talk about only PTS when the animal's quality of life has deteriorated. Well, in my long experience of cats I would say that any cat that could not keep itself and it's environment clean would have a poor quality of life. All their instincts tell them to be clean- it must be distressing not to be able to.

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Mrsrudolphduvall · 04/01/2013 08:35

My cat is 10.
If she suddenly became incontinent and the vet said that the situation wasn't going to improve after exploring all possibilities,yes I would have her PTS.

Agree with seeker...it must be distressing for the cat not to be clean.
We have never had a litter tray...she has always gone outside.

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theodorakisses · 04/01/2013 08:39

As a rescuer and foster owner, I think asking the rescue to take the cat back is a responsible thing to do. OK, maybe people may have a fair point in saying you took it on and should try and solve the problems, but the fact you seem to be at the end of your tether means that the relationship may well be past the point of return. Either decide to give it one last go or return it and don't feel guilty. Throwing it out on the streets or advertising it on Gumtree is when you should feel guilty.
One thing though, please don't go out and get a "new" one straight away. This is what seems to happen in my world so often and it may be that your circumstances are not ideal for any cat at the moment. Also, the scent of the old cat everywhere is likely to encourage any new cat to do the same.
This is always going to be an emotive subject and I sympathise with all views but at the end of the day you are not happy and I don't think the cat is happy. Something has to give.

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theodorakisses · 04/01/2013 08:43

I agree about posting in litter tray though, my rescue Persian pooed in the bath for the first 2 weeks and then I asked for advice there and all that was wrong was her litter tray was too close to her food. I moved it to the other side of the room and have had a bath poo free 12 months since. They really do know what they are talking about.

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marriedinwhite · 04/01/2013 08:45

That sounds very sensible theodorakisses. I know our cat stopped messing when she was rehomed with the old lady. It was a quiet home, with a litter tray, and lots of attention from a lady who was at home all day.

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socharlotte · 04/01/2013 08:49

'I suspect that the people who suggest PTS so quickly haven't actually had to make the decision, take a pet to the vet and stay there while it was being done. Having had the misfortune to have horses and dogs PTS, it's not a decision anyone can make lightly.

No you don't have to stay, you just leave it with the vet to do after you've gone.
I don't get all this 'don't have pets f you are not prepared to clean up after them for years' lark. Do you not realise the number of cats available for homing far far exceeds the number of homes available? The Op has given this cat a home for 3 years.
Having a cat shitting al over the house is compromising the health and safety and comfort of her children.Any responsible persn puts their children before their pet.The cat is clearly unhappy.Animals live in the moment.
Get it PTS!

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SamuelWestsMistress · 04/01/2013 09:03

I agree with getting her put to sleep, if she can't become an outside cat. This cat isn't happy and passing on a problem to someone else isn't fair on them or the cat. Cat homes are over run (there is a report on the go just now about the RSPCA putting healthy animals down because they're so full)

We have EXACTLY the same problem as you OP so I can sympathise. Our cat is also about 10 and from a cat home and has always been a pisser shitter in the house which also got far worse when we moved. He has caused £100s of damage with pissing and shitting on stuff and has even ruined a box full of photographs. I had enough and told DH I was having him out down but he wouldn't let me, so I told him the only compromise was for him to become an outside cat and be banished from the house permanently. We have a back room with the boiler and washing machine in which he comes in and out of as he pleases. His box is in there and so is his food. He's been like that for nearly a year and has settled in well. Sometimes he does manage to sneak back into the house but its never for long.

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HazleNutt · 04/01/2013 09:03

Most cats available for homing are available exactly because the previous family didn't feel it was convenient to have a pet any more. Yes, one should not have pets if you're not prepared to deal with possible problems as well.
Here the vet recommended prozac, as the cat is not incontinent and unable to keep itself clean, it's just stressed. But for some reason OP does not want to even try?

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Whatiswitnit · 04/01/2013 09:07

I understand the annoyance and frustration as I have two cats that have both gone through periods of spraying in the house. It is definitely a sign of stress.

A pet behaviour woman suggested these things to me to try:

Feliway diffuser.
Making some safe high up places for cats to sit and view the world. Eg shelf.
Rubbing a clean cloth on cat's head where their scent glands are and then going around the house rubbing it on furniture and areas where marking and spraying usually happened.
Using a proper cleaner for pet stains and odours to remove all residual scent of urine.
Having a catflap that works only for your cat. (Our cats were being terrorised by a local farm Tom)
Putting litter trays somewhere the cat feels safe and unthreatened. There should be one more trays than cats.

YANBU to be considering taking the cat back because it can be a nightmare dealing with this problem but please try to tackle it and do what you can to make your cat feel safe and happy so the need/desire to spray and urinate stops.

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Ishtar2410 · 04/01/2013 09:08

We rehomed a cat from Cats Protection a few years ago. She came to us supposedly house trained, but wasn't. We're no stranger to rehoming cats, but despite trying everything she was never house trained - we'd find shit everywhere...kitchen surfaces, sofas, behind doors, you name it, we found cat shit there. One that sticks in my mind was was having to clear it off DDs bed.

We went to the vets, tried diffusers, litter trays in every room, keeping her in one room, and so on. After two years of this, we finally admitted defeat and took her to an animal sanctuary.

Prior to this, I had asked for advice on another forum - can't remember which now (I've wiped it from my memory) - and I was royally flamed for not sticking with it and trying to sort things out.

But two sodding years of clearing up cat shit really was enough.

OP, you have to do what you think is best, you really do - if you've had enough, then it's time to take her back. I see your situation is slightly different to mine, in that your cat has only recently started, but if there is no sign that things can get better, then you have to make the decision about what to do for the best. It's a highly emotive subject, but you have to do what's right for you and your family.

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SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 04/01/2013 11:34

Thing is, animals are only animals. There's a big difference between active cruelty to one, or serious neglect (insufficient food/not giving it exercise if it's a dog, for example) and deciding that its presence in your home is distressing to you and other family members so it needs to go elsewhere. The quality of life of the human beings in the family takes priority over any animal, and living with constant catshit and cat piss everywhere is not good for the human beings, so it's not a major crime to get rid of the cat.

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StrawberryTot · 04/01/2013 11:40

I completely understand how you feel OP, I took on my dads cat as he couldn't care for them and the boy keeps spraying under my sons bed (midsleeper). It's driving me insane, I've invested in some Feliway but this is my last resort!!

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fuzzypicklehead · 04/01/2013 12:19

StrawberryTot is the boy neutered? If not, take him for the snipthat's one of the quickest way to sort spraying.

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ThatVikRinA22 · 04/01/2013 13:43

i agree wholly with seeker - if the animals quality of life is no longer tenable then PTS. i dont think anyone is saying live with it....

but try other things first just to see if its something simple - and dont give away the cat for free on ebay - people use animals for bait for dog fights etc and it could end up being used in that way.

i would talk to the vet, and let the vet advise.

it still baffles me how people treat animals as disposable objects....for me my animals are part of the family. My rescue dog wasnt house trained when i got her - she was so easy to sort out with just a little effort.

if the cat is truly beyond help and her quality of life poor then i would pts. But talk to the vet first and dont rehome any other animals if you think you would feel the tempation to hand them back after a few years.

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socharlotte · 04/01/2013 13:52

so vicar, would you put a cat before your children? or do you not think that children have aright to a home free from animal faeces?

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seeker · 04/01/2013 14:24

I don't think of animals as disposable objects. However, I also don't think that an animal's quality of life has to have deteriorated loads before the owner should consider PTS.

I think that putting animals through gruelling and painful veterinary treatment is almost always cruel, and in the interests of the owner rather than the animal. Humans can understand that the pain will end, that the confinement isn't permanent, that they will get better. Animals can't. They only have the now. As far as they are concerned, this pain is all there is. It's very selfish, in my opinion, to subject an animal to physical or psychological suffering rather than to a quick, painless, fear free death, just because you can't bear to say goodbye.

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Montybojangles · 04/01/2013 14:33

I'm a bit Shock at PTS idea. The messing coincides with a traumatic event for the already neurotic cat (moving) which would surely indicate the cat is only incontinent as a result of stress.

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Montybojangles · 04/01/2013 14:39

Darned iPad, posts before I finish.
Try the feliway. Also have you tried putting the cat in a large animal cage in a quiter part of the house? Keeping it confined to a smaller, quiter area may make it feel it has a safe place (DCcould be exacerbating the stress just by being DC).
Hope you do get things sorted out, if desperate then try the rescue place you got her from, I'm sure they would want a say in what happens to her (also a lot of them actually class themselves as the owner with you a fosterer, so technically it's up to them what happens to the cat with regard rehoming).

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Montybojangles · 04/01/2013 14:40

Quieter area (i quit!)

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Snog · 04/01/2013 14:45

Although the current situation sounds really annoying, sadly you are kidding yourself if you think your cat would be better off at a rescue centre - even if they are not already full and would in fact take your cat.

Why not keep a litter tray indoors all the time and try to find out which litter your cat prefers and where she likes the tray, how full she likes it to be and if she prefers open or covered trays.

There is a cheaper plug in for cats than feliway here - might be worth trying this one first?

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ThatVikRinA22 · 04/01/2013 16:19

socharlotte are you just ignoring the fact i said no one is expecting the OP to live with it? least of all me. but i would not send a nervous 10 yr old cat back to a rescue either,

i have discovered a cat litter revelation - my cats are the pee once and then use the floor variety but with this litter my kitties are transformed....

this stuff is fab and available in smaller bags so not as costly but lasts literally months and months

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SparklingSnow · 04/01/2013 17:55

I see that more cruel people have popped up.

Really, how hard is it to think things through properly before you take a pet in?!

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seeker · 04/01/2013 17:56

Who is cruel?

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