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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To return our cat to the rescue home we got her from?

216 replies

DreamingofFour · 03/01/2013 08:56

Our 10 year old cat has always been shy and twitchy, which we put down to a hard life before we got her from the Cat Rescue Home 3 years ago. But since we moved house six months ago she has become a bit of a nightmare. She keeps weeing & pooing all over the new house, and despite our best efforts (putting out cat lit if she wants it, helping her thru cat flap etc) she seems to be getting worse. Now she is really jumpy and even more shy. We have taken her to the vet, who said there was nothing physically wrong but wondered if it was psychological and should she have Prozac. At the same time we are dealing with our youngest waking up every night, all the kids sick, work etc etc so we don't have the capacity to be cleaning up the sofa from cat wee/poo every day.(The latest spot she chose). Given that she isn't very happy, would it be ok to return her to the cat rescue home where I suspect she would be happier?
Anyone else been in this situation?

Thanks for your help

OP posts:
PessaryPam · 03/01/2013 14:22

Gordy, if you really loved cats you would be prepared to make some sacrifices.

fuzzypicklehead · 03/01/2013 14:23

Valid point, JFL.

OP, if you live anywhere near the Cambridgeshire/Norfolk border, you can PM me if you get desperate. I may be able to help.

gordyslovesheep · 03/01/2013 14:24

Pam I am - I have only ever homes rescue cats :)

when do the schools go back?

tittytittyhanghang · 03/01/2013 14:31

YANBU. Those saying you wouldn't treat a child that way, isn't that a bit insensitive to the families of children with sn who have made the decision to have them live in full time accomodation where there needs can be greater met? I wouldn't martyr myself (providing id at least tried to fix the problem) by keeping a pet when i wasn't in a position to meet its physical needs. I take it all those saying YABU don't agree with nursing homes for the elderly neither?

SparklingSnow · 03/01/2013 14:35

Tthh, there is a big difference in those scenarios you mentioned. If the cat gets sent back to the rescue centre, she will more than likely be put down. That's not a risk in your scenarios.

PessaryPam · 03/01/2013 14:36

Dunno Gordy, mine are at Uni.

So does that mean that you only love cats from your rescue centre when you decide you want another one?

GrumpySod · 03/01/2013 14:37

I'm with Just4Laughs.

tittytittyhanghang · 03/01/2013 14:37

Well perhaps not pts, but panaroma didn't exactly paint a pretty picture of these support homes neither. (Not saying they are all like that, id like to hope that the ones in the news were few and far between)

SparklingSnow · 03/01/2013 14:41

Bringing Winterbourne View and the sadistic bastards that worked there into a discussion about a cat is extremely low.

gordyslovesheep · 03/01/2013 14:42

Pam you are making no sense what so ever - sorry

tittytittyhanghang · 03/01/2013 14:43

Well i think guilt tripping the op by comparing a cat to a child is rather underhand as well, and was just displaying a point.

SparklingSnow · 03/01/2013 14:48

All that has been pointed out is the truth. The cat will be more than likely have to be put down. That is not an attempt to guilt trip the OP.

I know exactly what I have posted. If you want to think otherwise, to make yourself better by bringing sadistic abuse into it, then on you go.

NaturalBaby · 03/01/2013 14:50

I have a very similar cat, he's been on feliway and is like a new cat.

He decided our huge rug was his spot to wee on. Once the smell is on the spot then it's very difficult to stop it but not impossible. I used white vinegar and febreeze sprayed a few times a day. We got rid of the coir doormat by the front door.
If you're rescue home accepts your cat back then at least offer them a generous donation.

skratta · 03/01/2013 15:17

About nine years ago, we had our 11yo cat put to sleep, after taking a year and a half settling in (we'd owned him for six years previously, it was a new house) and us using as many things as possible, contacting the rescue centre he was from and our local one, contacting the vet etc and being given some limited help etc; At the end of the day, we tried as much as possible, and he wouldn't probably settle in a rescue and would probably be unhappier. We wouldn't keep him because it was clear he was unhappy, and although we made some limited attempts to rehome him, we knew the reality was that he was unlikely to be rehomed, and would live a probably unhappy life here. It was heartbreaking, but at the end of the day, we made the best decision I believe, as we had tried everything, we had cared for him for six happy years previously, and tried to do our best for one and a half years and there was no real alternative.

Try all the advice, contact a vet, and see if there's any advice from websites like the PDSA which can have helpline things sometimes, but returning to the rescue centre is probably a bad idea, and having your cat put to sleep might be the best option- as long as you try as many alternatives as possible first.

skratta · 03/01/2013 15:22

Oh by the way, the vet prescribed cat anti-depressants, and we used Feliway (I think it was set up in 1997 or something?) and similar things, prevented him going out, even took him to a cat psychologist thing/animal behaviourist. He was the one who told us that our cat would probably have to be PTS (although he explained it very kindly after having attempted to help us and our cat previously) and reccommended us discussing it with the vet, who had mentioned it before, but we tried to look for a way to help our cat.

ZuzuandZara · 03/01/2013 15:28

I've only skim read so sorry if this has been suggested already.

We had this problem and cage training worked really well.

Get an indoor dog crate, not too large. Put it in a quiet area, spare room if possible.

There should only be room for the cats bed, her litter tray, food and water. Cats prefer not to wee/poo in their own beds or near food so confining the space should force her to start using her litter tray. When you are confident she is using the tray happily, gradually start increasing her space ie give her the whole room, increase the areas in the house she has access too.

Definitely get a feliway.

It might take a couple of weeks, not ideal to confine a cat to a cage but at that age I assume she's not the liveliest of things and it does work well.

Good luck.

msrisotto · 03/01/2013 15:37

My cat (and a lot of cats I reckon) feel comforted by confined spaces. When we moved house I put her in her travel box in the bathroom for a couple of hours before letting her out of the box to explore the bathroom and after a couple of days, the rest of the house. She often retreats to a box for safety/security. So, I think crate training would also be a good way to go.

HDee · 03/01/2013 15:43

SparklingSnow, we own a very lovely Shih-tzu, who neither pisses or shits anywhere, other than where he is supposed to. As a pet owner I deal with the odd vomit ,the muddy footprints, the six-weekly grooming costs etc.

What I won't deal with, for example, is a psychotic dog who snaps at people, a dog who marks his territory in the front room, a dog who randomly attacks other dogs, a dog who shits on my sofa...

A pet has to give some degree of pleasure, and when mine fails to do that (hopefully when he is old and senile) he will be PTS.

It's just an animal.

HDee · 03/01/2013 15:44

Zuzu's idea sounds fabulous, btw.

specialsubject · 03/01/2013 15:51

it's only a cat and no-one is coping. Have it put to sleep - but don't get animals again if you are not prepared to put up with this. I love cats but I don't have one because I am not prepared to clean up mess, empty litter trays and pay vets bills.

animals are not the same as children or elderly relatives, before anyone starts pearl-twiddling. (love that phrase!)

PeachActiviaMinge · 03/01/2013 15:56

A pet has to give some degree of pleasure, and when mine fails to do that (hopefully when he is old and senile) he will be PTS.

It's just an animal.

Pathetic that really is pathetic, not every fucking living animal was put here for your entertainment they didn't ask for you to take them on you chose to and when you choose to do something like that you make a commitment to that animal to look after it for life not until you get fucking bored of it.

HDee · 03/01/2013 16:05

Peach, thank you for fucking sharing your fucking opinion. (See what i did there? I used your favourite word, did you notice?) Xmas Grin

I don't actually want all animals to entertain me, I just want my own to bring me a degree of pleasure. That pleasure has to outweigh the nasty parts, a bit like an equation. If you are dreading coming downstairs in the morning because you know there will be shit and piss everywhere, if you can't invite people round because your house smells like a feline latrine, if you've tried everything you can to resolve the situation, then it's job done IMO.

KellyElly · 03/01/2013 16:06

OP, if you do decide to return your cat to the rescue centre/ have it put to sleep, it might be worth remembering that if you hadn't rescued it 3 years ago it would probably have been put to sleep then. You have given it 3 years of a, presumably, happy life which is more than I, or many other people have done. Or perhaps would be living a full and happy life with another owner Hmm

Justforlaughs · 03/01/2013 16:12

KellyElly my comment was based on the number of people telling the OP about how hard it is to rehome cats of all ages, including kittens but particulary those who have not got a perfect background. assuming, as I have no reason not to, that those comments are based on fact, then the obvious conclusion would be that the cat would have been unlikely (not impossible, but unlikely) to have found another home, 3 years ago.

KellyElly · 03/01/2013 16:13

HDee The OP hasn't tried everything she can to resolve the situation as she hasn't even tried Feliway which is surely the first thing anyone who actually knows anything about cats would do?