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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

junior football clubs and the people who run them

92 replies

creativema · 02/01/2013 20:05

My child plays for a local football team and recently a manager of another age group has been showing disregard for the welfare of the children in his care and bragging about it. However the club won't/can't get rid of him! The whole episode has left me angry and frustrated with the mentality of 'some' people (trying not to be sexist) who care only for winning and forget that their team is a group of kids who just want to play football with their mates and are never going to play for England! Is anyone else tired of this kind of rubbish?

OP posts:

mayorquimby · 02/01/2013 20:40

he should be locked up. Who in their right mind gives young kids performance enhancing drugs?

omletta · 02/01/2013 20:44

Performance enhancing drugs? What? Where does the OP say that?

mayorquimby · 02/01/2013 20:49

She doesn't, but if she's going to use phrases like "showing disregard for the welfare of the children in his care and bragging about it" and not tell us what's going on then I'm going to have to make stuff up.

omletta · 02/01/2013 21:09

Fair enough!

I removed my DS from a team where the manager screamed and shouted at the boys all game. That showed disregard for their welfare, and wasn't an influence we wanted in his life.

complexnumber · 02/01/2013 21:10

"She doesn't, but if she's going to use phrases like "showing disregard for the welfare of the children in his care and bragging about it" and not tell us what's going on then I'm going to have to make stuff up." Funniest response I have read in a while mayor

I have no real experience of this stuff myself, but I have long felt that the M&D's that monitor these local football teams are a bunch of unsung heroes.

But then within those kind folk you are likely to encounter some complete arseholes whose motives are more than a little twisted.

I hope the OP can aknowledge that s/he is appreciated and maybe let the tyres down on the shouty parent.

HollyBerryBush · 02/01/2013 21:11

Drugs?

DS2 quit in Y8 - his words "I dont get up to be sworn at for 2 hours" - frankly he was right - youth soccer is horrendous.

DoITellTheTeacher · 02/01/2013 21:11

do they have a formal complaints procedure? have you officially complained about him?

Maryz · 02/01/2013 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jlx · 02/01/2013 21:12

They are looking to change it all so its not so competitive. New rules come into play for the new season, what age group are they??

You could always report him to the fa if you think its that bad.

My son plays for the under 7's and I think his club have the balance of winning and having fun right! X

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 02/01/2013 22:35

I've found that all too often it is the parents of the other kids causing the problems. Some will accept nothing less than a win and scream and shout at the ref, the managers and any child who makes a mistake. There are rules to stop this but they are not invoked too often.

thekidsrule · 02/01/2013 22:41

dont you play to win

yanbu about the set up of these though,hate the favouritism,breaking of the teams own set rules,blatant big headedness of some managers

spot the mother that has had dealings with this

MammaTJ · 02/01/2013 22:52

Report to the FA, they will investigate. Then appropriate action will be taken.

Then maybe you could volunteer to take his place.

Backtobedlam · 02/01/2013 22:56

I really dislike the way the majority of children's sports classes we've ever attended. I just want my dc's to try a few different sports, have some fun, and if they want to get serious further down the line (eldest is not yet 5) then fair enough. Far too many (football, tennis, swimming etc) seem to be focused already on producing a competitive star and have totally forgotten about the fun element! Never mind the coaches, have you seen some of the parents at these things?!

LittleInds · 03/01/2013 09:27

The club should have an appointed Child Welfare Officer who should deal with issues like this. I am one of my son's team's Child Welfare Officers and have had to attend FA courses & had CRB checks to hold this position. If your club has FA Charter status, this is mandatory. At my son's club, any issues or complaints can be raised with any "official" of the club or with me directly and I will involve the club's chairman and committee if required. Alternatively, there is a direct FA Child Welfare Officer (who supports all the local clubs Child Welfare Officers) who you could go directly to, or contact whoever runs your league. All the coaches should be CRB checked through the FA as well and the FA checks do include reported incidents relating to Child Welfare, not just criminal records, so it may well be that the FA are already aware of this particular coach but need more info and more people to come forward before they can step in and deal with it.

seeker · 03/01/2013 09:40

Some kid's football coaches are awful. If you have a real problem, report him. The FA take complaints seriously. If you don't want to go that far, report him to the chair of the club and/or the designated CWO.

I've known coaches being asked to leave or do some more training following complaints.

Groovee · 03/01/2013 09:44

I know of a coach who has been through 3 clubs in 3 years and is now suspended pending an allegation of theft which is what the 2nd club suspected but had no proof. The first club alleged his sideline manner was the reason he was booted from them but on the grapevine a coach said it was to do with conning parents out of money. They should be banned if this is the case as it lets down the true volunteers who give up their time for nothing.

Oblomov · 03/01/2013 09:53

I had this. Made me feel physically sick.
Ds1 was going through diagnosis for Aspergers at the time. And was very difficult. Said to them this, and that if they wanted us to do anything , just to let us know.
There were 8 boys, from ds's year, so he just wanted to play with them. But they had been attending , for a long time already, so their skills were way more advanced than his. He is infact crap at it. But loved it.
I suspect ds did not do as he was told at football. dh stayed to watch most times, but not all times.
Coach approached dh and told dh that ds would never get a game. Dh asked if he could just attend. But was told no.
It was bad. I was sad.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 03/01/2013 10:07

I took my DS out of our local team.

He started training when he was 5 and attended every Saturday morning. He enjoyed it but he is not naturally gifted . He is very tall so the coach kept putting him in goal every week so he wasn't able to practice any proper skills.

One day when he was coming up for 7 we turned up for training and were told that from the following week the kids would be split into teams. DS ,unsurprisingly ,was in the lowest team. Not a problem. However, I was fuming when the head coach then told us that he hadn't been able to find a coach who wanted to take on the lower team so there was no point in DS coming to training anymore. DS was in bits. He felt so rejected.

Luckily DS was already well established at the rugby club and is doing well in their more nurturing environment.

Booblesonthetree · 03/01/2013 10:09

We're fortunate that DS (12) plays for a Great team with some really good coaches who are fairly strict but try to make it fun. In fact the 2 coaches occasionally have to pull the teams competitivness back a little.
However they have played some horrific teams where the players have obviously been told to win at all costs, the parents have stood on the sidelines screaming and swearing at both the teams and the officials and our lads have come off the pitch bleeding more than once. The coach is very up on this though and complains everytime.
Go straight to the FA and the league officials. Make as big a fuss as possible, it's the only way.

LIZS · 03/01/2013 10:12

If you have a complaint regarding how the children are being treated there should be a Safeguarding policy and nominated person to speak to.

CloudsAndTrees · 03/01/2013 10:31

I was shocked when my oldest ds was little and wanted to join a football club. All the children's coaches I have come across are more interested in their team winning rather than giving all the children involved a good experience, and it makes for a horrible environment that I don't want my dc in. Thankfully they weren't bothered about being part of a football team, which is a good job because neither of my boys are good enough at football to make them first team choices.

It's really common, and it's only football that seems to be like this. I hate it.

Booblesonthetree · 03/01/2013 10:38

clouds football is more overtly aggressive but it's not confined to just that unfortunayely. DD1 did gymnastics for a while and there was much pushiness and bitching among the parents and coaches. I was very relieved when she decided it wasn't for her.

iseetinselandtantrums · 03/01/2013 10:41

BacktoBed if your DC liked tennis try another club. DS 8 has a lot of fun and laughs at his club but it is a village one (still LTA mini tennis) not a big name gym brand. I credit it with saving his sanity when there was bullying at school.

seeker · 03/01/2013 11:44

If you think it's only confined to football, you should try ballet, gym or Pony Club........

TheSmallClanger · 03/01/2013 11:45

Is this coach a frustrated former near-professional?

IME (mainly informed by gymnastics) the absolute worst coaches are often these people. I think they were poorly coached themselves, and are trying to get some reflected glory to bask in.

A good sports club should have levels suited to recreational players, and those wishing to take it more seriously.

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