junior football clubs and the people who run them

[creativema]

My child plays for a local football team and recently a manager of another age group has been showing disregard for the welfare of the children in his care and bragging about it. However the club won't/can't get rid of him! The whole episode has left me angry and frustrated with the mentality of 'some' people (trying not to be sexist) who care only for winning and forget that their team is a group of kids who just want to play football with their mates and are never going to play for England! Is anyone else tired of this kind of rubbish?

[JammyDodger1]

We are very lucky and have a cracking set of parents it's just a case of really good communication keeping them up to date and involved and warm gloves and hats

[HappySeven]

Thanks, Jammy, fingers crossed the other parents at our team are like you!

[JammyDodger1]

Happy I don't think it would offend other parents, it takes a lot of time to run a team and there's a lot more than the matches involved in running a team but its extremely rewarding and I'm sure the majority of parents appreciate this, it's just really sad that there is a minority who ruin it for everyone else.
This morning we were up at 8am cutting oranges and getting paperwork together drove with our team in convoy to the coldest place ever and played, were back home frozen by 12 cleaning balls and boots and will do it all again in the morning with eldest childs team and we wouldn't swop it for the world

[HappySeven]

My DH has started to volunteer with my DS's club. They joined at 5 and at 6 it was sprung on the parents that they would be expected to 'manage' the matches on Saturdays. Two dads have been doing it so far, attending every week and my DH has offered to join in to spread the burden. So far the two dads have always had their sons with them to play and I didn't blame them.

There's talk of running three teams a week to enable more children to play every week but it will mean all three dads turning up every week. I had thought it was fine that the boys of the dads willing to put in time were able to play but reading this has made me wonder if it will offend other parents.

On the other hand if more parents helped then those dads could have weeks off and their children would also have weeks off.

[ALittleScatterOfRain]

Fortunately we've never been in the same division since then. You do need a good discipline structure with sensible coaches and managers to make it work well.

[Dededum]

Stepping away - don't think we are talking about injustice!

Also as all kids in squad of 9 get to play there is no issue with kids being excluded. If it is was a squad of 12 or more then you have a point to a certain extent, but even then, think you are taking this a bit black & white.

DS2 is a good footballer and his dad is a brilliant coach!

[seeker]

Dededum, he's 11, but has been able to spot injustice for many years.

[Dededum]

Seeker - how old is your son?

[Horsemad]

Sorry, should have said, it was another player on the opposite team. They were U13.

[Horsemad]

Last season in our league a player was banned for punching and knocking out a child

I was actually present and saw it happen, was awful.
The boy's manager did ban him from the club, no idea where he is now, the yob.

[seeker]

Thesmallestclanger- I agree. My ds would be mortified if he was picked to play simply because his dad coaches. And yes, dp has coached matches that ds wasn't picked for- he's a team coach, not ds's personal manager!

[TeaMakesItAllPossible]

Scatter just wow. I have seen some Coaches who shout negative things at the kids and undermine their self esteem which I hate but never, ever seen anything like that. I'm not involved in football at all though.

Perhaps claptrap has the answer. Sport should be fun!

[TeaMakesItAllPossible]

I didn't say they played a full game. They go to every game but so does all the squad - except in some tournament situations in my husband's sport. All kids get "sub"ed equally at the age groups our kids play. The fair play guidelines are clear in our respective sports at the age they play. I suspect as they progress up the youth teams it gets more competitive for selection - as it should - adult teams are picked on merit.

The advantage our boys got was early exposure to basic skills. They played with us from a younger age. So all four of our children were handling egg shaped balls as soon as they could and playing a simple version of tag rugby at home with my DH once they were interested at 18 months. They also spend an extra couple of hours a week having to watch us play our sport so end up messing around either practicing their kicking or, if they're with me, messing around with their stick and a ball.

My point was clumsily made but was about genetic predisposition - having seen a lot of coaches and their kids over the years I have been amazed by some opposition coach's kids. Truly talented. For example, two spring to mind whose fathers are ex-pro/international rugby players and now are involved in coaching in our region. They were amazing even at under 7s. I hope, as those kids move on up the youth age rather than mini groups, they get the opportunity to get picked every week so they can fulfil their potential.

[ALittleScatterOfRain]

Oh, after speaking to the referee (who was about 16 and looked absolutely terrified) my DF decided to stop that game before anybody else was hurt.

The bloody FA awarded the other team the three points, even though numerous people (including the referee, a school games teacher who'd been watching, people dog walking etc.) had already written in complaining about the bad conduct (and we'd been winning, so even harder to take ).

They're awful in our area though, which doesn't help. There was supposed to be a hearing for a boy punching another in the face (two black eyes and worries his nose was broken) as they lined up to do the handshake- no provocation (other than he'd been marking the boy in the match, and hadn't managed to stop him scoring), several witnesses, given a red card- and the general feeling was he'd have a ban.

The hearing was with just the boy and their team manager. Surprisingly, they found inconclusive evidence to give a ban... The other team weren't even told it had happened until their manager chased the FA up about it

[trapclap]

Take your kids to rugby instead of football. Problem solved

[ALittleScatterOfRain]

Well, if they're there on time, in the correct kit, I'd much rather they were in the starting line-up that the persistently late one! They shouldn't always play the whole game though, that's very unfair.

My DF has managed my DB's team for years and there is some truly awful behaviour out there. Managers and coaches who have told the team to win at no cost, even shouting things like "Break his f*cking legs" and "Just shove him ". The problem is, when they're like that, often the players and parents are too. I'm really very non-confrontational, but I've been itching to slap people several times.

It's such a shame as the majority of teams are great boys, who just want to have fun (well, win some matches too, but I don't think a bit of competitiveness is a bad thing) with fantastic volunteers. It's just some have to spoil it for everybody else.

[TheSmallClanger]

When they are bigger, these coach's children will be really embarrassed by being picked for no other reason than parental convenience. It's like being taught at school by one of your parents.

[seeker]

"ive noticed that it's often the coach's kid that is amongst the most talented"

No shit, Sherlock!

[thekidsrule]

ive noticed that it's often the coach's kid that is amongst the most talented

of course they are they get picked every time to play and experience a full game,

you said it

[TeaMakesItAllPossible]

Both my DH and I help coach club sport to kids as volunteers - neither of us do football.

We get a lot of satisfaction seeing the kids develop and learn new things. And it is the purest type of joy to see your team do something together and have a poetic moment of play.

But it does feel like free child care, there are kids that turn up and disrupt the session, parents who give you a hard time because you haven't picked the best team ,because you have picked the best team, because the guidance from child protection says you have to do it a certain way, because they didn't get an email, or because the coaching guidelines say you have to do it a certain way. Parents drop their kids and run.

We only do it for one reason ... our kids get the benefit of playing a game we love. Neither of us are very good at picking our boys for player of the week but our kids do get picked for the team. Our kids are good at the sports they play with us - they've played them, watched them, watched us since they were babies. I don't think it is unreasonable for a coach's kid to get picked for the team. I've noticed that it's often the coach's kid that is amongst the most talented though not in all cases, DS2 i'm grinning at you.

That said, our boys do have off the pitch time and my husband has been known to leave one out of the team for a tournament as it was his turn - not had to do it myself.

We have come across some really personal shouty coaches on other teams but I try not to judge too much because nothing has tried my patience more. Shouting is required so the kids can hear you on the pitch but I do think if the amount of shouting is saying negative rather than positive to the kids it isn't helpful to the team.

Both our sports are governed by fair play rules - giving children the opportunity to play regardless. I'm sure football is the same. So if it is not having a turn that's a problem you should highlight it - start with the coach. If the coach's style is a problem your choice is to complain or to go to another team.

But to all those who are saying that people don't have to do it, you're right we don't but then my kids would miss out and yours wouldn't get the benefit. There aren't a queue of other people behind me or my DH wanting to put the effort in. I just want an occasional thank you and if you have a problem to talk to me first before I hear on the grapevine that you're unhappy.

[justmyview]

Horsemad - that's brilliant - good for you - I think that's how it should be

[Horsemad]

DS has just joined a new club & both DH & myself are getting involved.

[justmyview]

I'm surprised at the level of hostility here towards volunteer coaches, who give up their free time for little or no thanks, in all weather conditions

Out of interest, of the people posting here who feel their club is unfair, I'd be interested / curious to know how many of you volunteered to help at the club with a view to improving the situation

[UniS]

-when a coach picks their own kid to be in a team... that's one kid they are certain will show up on time with right kit.

I'm involved with a different sport but one of the reasons I'm about to invest a lot of time and money in doing my coaching qualifications IS because I want my kid to be able to attend sessions, I don't want the club to get smaller and smaller as the children of other coaches grow up and out of it and the parents no longer wish to give up their saturdays to coach other people argumentative inattentive children. It is noticeable that the coaches kids are the ones who travel to competitions and who do quite well. Any of the children in the club COULD go to the competitions, entry is open. but how many do, very few.

[smugmumofboys]

The day DS1 announced he wanted to jack in football was one of my happiest.