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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

junior football clubs and the people who run them

92 replies

creativema · 02/01/2013 20:05

My child plays for a local football team and recently a manager of another age group has been showing disregard for the welfare of the children in his care and bragging about it. However the club won't/can't get rid of him! The whole episode has left me angry and frustrated with the mentality of 'some' people (trying not to be sexist) who care only for winning and forget that their team is a group of kids who just want to play football with their mates and are never going to play for England! Is anyone else tired of this kind of rubbish?

OP posts:

justmyview · 03/01/2013 13:01

I think the majority of the people who give up their weekends for football clubs are unsung heros.

Booblesonthetree · 03/01/2013 13:03

justmy you're right, the majority are. However there are a minority who shouldn't be allowed anywhere near children's sport..

seeker · 03/01/2013 13:26

Justmy- I agree. And all the other people who give up their time to give out kids all sorts of fun and opportunities.

But that makes it all the more important to crack down hard on the few who are really awful. Like the coach who shrieked "I know where you live!" in the face of a 16 year old qualified referee who disallowed a goal scored by his team......

Justforlaughs · 03/01/2013 13:27

Ask to see the clubs inclusion policy (they will have one) and compare it with the reality. If it differs in a major way then take it to the child welfare officer (again, there will be one), if they still do nothing then take it to the FA. Grassroots in any sport is taken very seriously and they will act if a coach is contravening their rules and guidleines. You haven't specified exactly what teh rpoblem is, but from experience I would hazard a guess that certain players are getting mor ethan their fair share of time on the pitch, and possibly a lot of shouting (mainly negative) from the sidelines. Keep a record of any incidents and who gets to play when so you can show it to anyone who gets involved.

oldpeculiar · 03/01/2013 13:45

You need to tell us what the problem with him is, otherwise how can we advise?

oldpeculiar · 03/01/2013 13:48

Just to point out though that a major part of a coaches job is to correct.Obviously on a football pitch this is going to involve shouting.

Joiningthegang · 03/01/2013 14:39

My boys do rugby - i knew i loved one of the coaches when after a game he made no mention of the score - one of the boys asked the score. The coach said "dis you have fun?" boys all said yes, his reply "the score doesnt matter then".

We will be ataying there!

Maryz · 03/01/2013 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thekidsrule · 03/01/2013 18:28

ours was a shining example NOT

used to pick his son EVERY game to play

and

shout and smoke a fag while the game was playing (thankfully he left)

it was a large football club (proper ground,stands,club house etc) been going for 40+ years and there was deffo the old boys network going on there,some people spent their whole lives living and breathing that place

to clicky for us and other things so we left,thank god

oldpeculiar · 04/01/2013 00:08

'ours was a shining example NOT
used to pick his son EVERY game to play'

Jeez He is giving up his time to look after your kids every week.He has ,probably trained in his own time to be acoach, done all the safeguarding stuff , turns up at every match to take responsibility for the team and you think he should leave his own son at home (possibly having to arrange child care)!
What do you put in to the club? Do you turn up even when your kid isn't playing?

seeker · 04/01/2013 07:52

So just because he's the coach's son, he should be picked for every match?

I'll tell dp- ds will be delighted! May not go down well with his team mates, though, but I'm sure once he explains that he has the right to play every match because his dad's a coach they'll understand...........

TwllBach · 04/01/2013 08:02

My dad used to coach the local football team. He was a nob.

Then again he is, in general, the nobbiest example of all nobs. A shining example, in fact.

On the other hand, my brother is excellent. He has a busy, demanding job, often working 12 hours a day Monday to Friday and gives up his weekends to coach. The kids love him, he's generous with his praise but doesn't take any rubbish and has been rewarded for his efforts with recognition, both from the club itself and by his team and their parents.

There will always be some nobs because its down to the person, isn't it? If your coach is genuinely bad, then report him and make an official complaint.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 04/01/2013 08:45

That's the problem, isn't it? There are some amazing volunteers but in the most part, people only notice the idiots.
My ds1 started off playing at our local club when he was 6. He left after half a season due to the "coach" who was in fact only coaching because it meant he didn't have to pay his sons league fees if he was part of the club.
He spent the whole time literally screaming in the faces of 6 year olds and the final straw was when he reduced a 6 year old to tears and then stood in front of him saying "stop being such a little girl. Why are you crying like a little girl?"

I and about 8 other parents reported him to the club chairman, who turned out to be his old school friend, and then to the FA.

He is still at the club, now he coaches the u14 team. My ds1 played against them and he was swearing at the players, screaming in the refs face, it was disgusting.

But for all that, the coaches at our club are all volunteers, who all have busy lives but are fantastic with the teams.
I have the utmost respect for parents who volunteer for any children sports team, without them the clubs would not exist.

It's just a shame there are a few idiots who spoil it.

pigletmania · 04/01/2013 08:50

Look whether these people are volunteers or not they have no right to,scream, shout or swear at children, that is not acceptable. So because they do it for free gives them that right . I would lodge a complaint if your nt happyr find another team

socharlotte · 04/01/2013 08:55

They have to shout, otherwise how are the children to hear them on a football pitch?
I agree that if the coach is expected to turn up to every match then it isn't unreasonable that his son plays.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 04/01/2013 09:40

just turning up shouldnt mean the coaches son automatically plays. IMHO

socharlotte · 04/01/2013 09:42

So would you want to turn out and take responsibility for 11 kids, if your child wasn't even playing

Budgiegirlbob · 04/01/2013 11:26

My DH is a childrens football coach on a Saturday morning. I think his club has a good balance between competitiveness and fun. They have a squad of about 14 players, 12 of those will be regularly picked for league games. The league games are competitive, and DH will usually pick the strongest team he can. There are a couple of children who unfortunately will never be picked as their ability is way behind the others. However, these children are always first choice for any friendlies, and all the children attend training together once or twice a week.
Our two sons both play for DHs team, and they would always be picked. While I know that this may be unfair to some of the other children, my DH puts in hours of time each week, not just attending matches, but also training sessions, liaising with other teams, going on first aid and training courses, paperwork, chasing subs, talking to parents about their child's progress. All this is totally voluntary, and most parents do understand that our sons will be picked first. This seems reasonable to me, it would be unreasonable to expect DH to look after 12 other children ahead of his own.
Parents can be a bit of a problem , sometimes my DH says that it seems like there are 10 coaches on the sidelines, all shouting different instructions, the kids get very confused! This has improved though since DH had a quiet word pointing out how confusing this is for the kids, they don't know which voice to listen too!
Of course, there will always be coaches who's style a parent may not agree with. If you genuinely feel there is a problem, talk to the clubs child welfare officer. How do the other parents feel about this coach? If he's not your child's coach, probably you should leave it to parents who's children are in this coach's team to resolve, but you could advise them how to proceed with any complaints they have.
But ultimately , please remember that all coaches are volunteers, giving hours of their own time each week for your child. You may not agree with how things are done, doesn't necessarily mean that they are wrong. The OP gives no details of the actual problem, but the child welfare officer would be able to advise.

Mum2Luke · 04/01/2013 12:23

I think it is bad when managers of junior clubs put down players, a sure thing they will want to give up! My son moved from a club which was like this, he put his heart and soul into playing but still wasnt 'good enough'. Ok he might not be Rooney or Aguero but he tried hard. We moved himn to another club where he won manager's trophy and wins MOTM sometimes in his league games. His confidence has grown and he spends alot of his time with his team mates away from footballing activities by going swimming or just playing out. He knows he might not ever be scouted but he is enjoying playing.

I see parents pushing their kids and berating their managers when their little darlings are subbed, totally selfish people who think their kids should play every game and not give others a chance.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 04/01/2013 12:29

socharlotte all parents pay the same league fees, go to the same training sessions and go to the same matches, week in and week out, whether their dc plays the whole match, 5 minutes of a match or not at all.
That's how it goes, you can't say because he is there every week his son must play every minute of every match.

We all turn up, week after week after week.
It doesn't mean one child gets to play the whole match every week.

I'm involved with a girls netball club, my dd doesn't automatically get a place in the team every week because of that.

But, to be fair, for the younger ones, at our club they play every single player in the game, they sub every 12.5 minutes, 2 on,2 off so the situation wouldn't arise where no one got a game at all.

seeker · 04/01/2013 12:45

Budgiegirlbob- I think you might be being a little naive if you think that the parents are happy that your boys are always picked because their dad is the coach!

What would happen, out of interest, if the parent of one of your weaker players became a coach ?

GetorfsaMotherfuckingMorrisMan · 04/01/2013 12:49

I really laughed at mayor's response.

I am still burned BURNED by the fact that a linesman didn't turn up to one of dd's football matches and I was asked to stand in. You have never seen anything so pathetic in your life - me running up and down the line with a flag in the rain with NO IDEA what to do, and dd's mortified face.

I always found football and rugby coaches great - they dedicate so much time - but the cricket people were psychopaths.

GetorfsaMotherfuckingMorrisMan · 04/01/2013 12:50

Blimey - that is a bit rum automatically choosing your two sons to be on the team.

Dededum · 04/01/2013 13:12

DH coaches kids football, that is his weekend (Sat and Sun). During the week he has a full on stressful job and quite often flies into the airport from the States and then goes straight to Saturday training. We have the right amount of kids in the squad so that kids are subbed on and off but everyone gets a game.

Of course DS2 gets treated with a bit more care than the other kids but he wouldn't be in the team if he couldn't hack it. If he wasn't good enough then he would be in a lower division and DH would coach that team.

The other parents aren't lining up to be coach, happy to stand on the sidelines and bawl at the kids. If he is lucky they will put up goals, but don't turn up to mow the grass first thing on a Saturday morning.

socharlotte · 04/01/2013 13:13

No I will concede, not every minute of every match

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