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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

junior football clubs and the people who run them

92 replies

creativema · 02/01/2013 20:05

My child plays for a local football team and recently a manager of another age group has been showing disregard for the welfare of the children in his care and bragging about it. However the club won't/can't get rid of him! The whole episode has left me angry and frustrated with the mentality of 'some' people (trying not to be sexist) who care only for winning and forget that their team is a group of kids who just want to play football with their mates and are never going to play for England! Is anyone else tired of this kind of rubbish?

OP posts:

TantrumsAndBalloons · 04/01/2013 13:20

Getorf, last season I had to ref the u13s football match as there was literally no one else.

My ds was mortified.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 04/01/2013 13:44

Gosh this brings back bad memories, Ds1 played for years and had a fab group of kids, parents and coaches stayed friends with some for years. Ds2 started to play while at junior school, his coach was a nightmare, had too many kids on the team so many often didn't get a game and one day we took DS to the match in his kit but yet again he was on the bench. we went to watch his brother on the next pitch and whilst we were gone the coach made ds take his kit off, down to his pants in full view, to give to another lad with no kit, he had to wear the other lads clothes while he played then change back into the worn kit after the match for the journey home and we were expected to wash it! never again, we went mad at the coach as did several others and he was reported to the manager of the league/ association or whatever the organisation was. never saw him again.

seeker · 04/01/2013 14:13

"Of course DS2 gets treated with a bit more care than the other kids but he wouldn't be in the team if he couldn't hack it"

Why on earth is he "treated with more care?"

TantrumsAndBalloons · 04/01/2013 14:22

I find it all a bit baffling. What more care could he need? and why on earth does becoming a coach mean your child gets picked first? and looked after more?

Obviously ive been doing it wrong all these years i should have made myself coach, then DS would have played every game, been given more "care" than anyone else, and at our local club, would have played for free.

Budgiegirlbob · 04/01/2013 14:23

Ok, maybe I am a bit naive to think all parents are happy my sons play every week. They are good players, and would probably make the team anyway. They rarely play the whole of a match, all children selected for a team must play (I think) at least 15 minutes of a match, and DH has no problems subbing them off. However, none of the parents have ever complained, many just 'dump and run', DH says he sometimes feels like a baby sitting service. Generally the parents like DH and appreciate the time he gives.
All the children who are good enough for competitive football get selected for the team, perhaps not every game though, there are only so many children DH can look after at one time. And if that means his sons get a little more football than those who's parents do not give up their time, so be it.
Sometimes DH is out all day, if the team is at a tournament that is some distance away. It would feel unreasonable to me that if his sons were not selected, he wouldn't see them at all that day, while looking after other people's children.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 04/01/2013 14:29

I think that is a very poor argument tbf. If your DH doesn't pick your DS for the team he won't see them all day? Come on.

Not all parents can stay and watch for many reasons. My eldest is 14 and only 3 parents ever turn up regularly. But that's beside the point.
Your DH is the coach, you said his sons deserve more football than parents who don't put the effort in?
Well what about if all those parents suddenly decided to "coach" the children as well, to get involved with the tactics and team strategy, all saying conflicting things?

I'm sure he would be more pissed of with that?

seeker · 04/01/2013 14:30

Good thing you've got boys not girls, budgieboy- or you'd have to be on the PTA so they got to be Mary.............

For the record, it is absolutely not acceptable for a coach's children to be always selected just because they are the coach's children. And if anyone complains the FA will take a very dim view.

thekidsrule · 04/01/2013 14:41

Jeez He is giving up his time to look after your kids every week.He has ,probably trained in his own time to be acoach, done all the safeguarding stuff , turns up at every match to take responsibility for the team and you think he should leave his own son at home (possibly having to arrange child care)!
What do you put in to the club? Do you turn up even when your kid isn't playing?*

as good as they are nobody forces these coaches to do the job,some seem to have had a failed career in football and choose this to bolster their self

silly me for thinking everybody should have a fair chance,i didnt realise that the coach was forced to coach and that meant he could do the hell he liked

i suppose you agree with him smoking in the middle of a game on the line

and anybody that has said my DH coaches and my DS plays every game and other parents dont mind,ha ha you would be the first in the country that dont,i bet you anything it IS talked about

thekidsrule · 04/01/2013 14:45

Budgiegirlbob

yabvvvvvu a i know its not your post

i cant believe what im hearing

specialsubject · 04/01/2013 15:19

there was a kiddy footy club up the road where I used to live - discovered this when the road was two deep in cars on a Sunday morning because no-one could be bothered to walk from the free car park a quarter of a mile away. While looking on their website I found out that rules were needed to say that people shouldn't swear at each other, or each other's kids.

it is in other sports but the old kickabout does seem to be the worst for this. Game for gentlemen, played by thugs, remember.

hope you find a decent club, OP. BTW is it volunteer-run?

Dededum · 04/01/2013 18:21

Wow - such vitriol. If you care that much, get involved. Most things are like that in life.

Football takes over his weekend and no he has no failed football career.He could and would prefer to do a myriad of other things. He started doing it to support DS2 who was lacking in confidence. He is a good coach so other parents happy.

But DS2 is good enough to be in the team.But if there have been the odd occasion when he has been on the pitch for slightly longer than he should have been I make no apologies.

Dededum · 04/01/2013 18:40

Though should add only a squad of 9 to play 7 aside football. So everyone gets a game with substitutions on and off.

Also DH says that if a kids not up to playing the other kids complain, not even the parents.

seeker · 04/01/2013 19:01

Where on earth do you see vitriol?

"But DS2 is good enough to be in the team.But if there have been the odd occasion when he has been on the pitch for slightly longer than he should have been I make no apologies."

Wondering why you make no apologies. Surely if something is unfair you apologise for it.

Horsemad · 04/01/2013 19:04

A fair few of the dads who coach only do so because their kids just wouldn't get selected to play as they're not as talented as some of the others.

exoticfruits · 04/01/2013 19:09

If you don't like it you can always organise an alternative. They are volunteers.

seeker · 04/01/2013 19:10

Wow- I mustn't let ds see this- he would feel very hard done by! The coach's boys are always last in the queue at our club and very rarely get Player of the Match or anything.......

Dededum · 04/01/2013 19:39

We are talking under 10 football here, you would think we were talking about Oxbridge entrance exams or private schools.

Free childcare for you active sporty kid, who would be driving you up the wall if they were knocking around at home. There are lots of paid alternatives, well there are around here. Then it would be appropriate to talk about unfairness.

These are volunteers, who get nought but grief most of the time.

I am sorry if your kid doesn't get picked, in my son's club they try and get everyone matches. That is obviously dependent on coaches. The kids are roughly put in ability groups for matches.

smugmumofboys · 04/01/2013 19:41

The day DS1 announced he wanted to jack in football was one of my happiest.

UniS · 04/01/2013 19:45

-when a coach picks their own kid to be in a team... that's one kid they are certain will show up on time with right kit.

I'm involved with a different sport but one of the reasons I'm about to invest a lot of time and money in doing my coaching qualifications IS because I want my kid to be able to attend sessions, I don't want the club to get smaller and smaller as the children of other coaches grow up and out of it and the parents no longer wish to give up their saturdays to coach other people argumentative inattentive children. It is noticeable that the coaches kids are the ones who travel to competitions and who do quite well. Any of the children in the club COULD go to the competitions, entry is open. but how many do, very few.

justmyview · 04/01/2013 20:10

I'm surprised at the level of hostility here towards volunteer coaches, who give up their free time for little or no thanks, in all weather conditions

Out of interest, of the people posting here who feel their club is unfair, I'd be interested / curious to know how many of you volunteered to help at the club with a view to improving the situation

Horsemad · 04/01/2013 20:18

DS has just joined a new club & both DH & myself are getting involved.

justmyview · 04/01/2013 20:30

Horsemad - that's brilliant - good for you - I think that's how it should be

TeaMakesItAllPossible · 04/01/2013 20:58

Both my DH and I help coach club sport to kids as volunteers - neither of us do football.

We get a lot of satisfaction seeing the kids develop and learn new things. And it is the purest type of joy to see your team do something together and have a poetic moment of play.

But it does feel like free child care, there are kids that turn up and disrupt the session, parents who give you a hard time because you haven't picked the best team ,because you have picked the best team, because the guidance from child protection says you have to do it a certain way, because they didn't get an email, or because the coaching guidelines say you have to do it a certain way. Parents drop their kids and run.

We only do it for one reason ... our kids get the benefit of playing a game we love. Neither of us are very good at picking our boys for player of the week but our kids do get picked for the team. Our kids are good at the sports they play with us - they've played them, watched them, watched us since they were babies. I don't think it is unreasonable for a coach's kid to get picked for the team. I've noticed that it's often the coach's kid that is amongst the most talented though not in all cases, DS2 i'm grinning at you.

That said, our boys do have off the pitch time and my husband has been known to leave one out of the team for a tournament as it was his turn - not had to do it myself.

We have come across some really personal shouty coaches on other teams but I try not to judge too much because nothing has tried my patience more. Shouting is required so the kids can hear you on the pitch but I do think if the amount of shouting is saying negative rather than positive to the kids it isn't helpful to the team.

Both our sports are governed by fair play rules - giving children the opportunity to play regardless. I'm sure football is the same. So if it is not having a turn that's a problem you should highlight it - start with the coach. If the coach's style is a problem your choice is to complain or to go to another team.

But to all those who are saying that people don't have to do it, you're right we don't but then my kids would miss out and yours wouldn't get the benefit. There aren't a queue of other people behind me or my DH wanting to put the effort in. I just want an occasional thank you and if you have a problem to talk to me first before I hear on the grapevine that you're unhappy.

thekidsrule · 04/01/2013 22:33

ive noticed that it's often the coach's kid that is amongst the most talented

of course they are they get picked every time to play and experience a full game,

you said it

seeker · 04/01/2013 22:36

"ive noticed that it's often the coach's kid that is amongst the most talented"

No shit, Sherlock!

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