To be mad with my friend and want to end our friendship altogether ?

[thingsthatrhymewithorange]

My friend has had three terminations in the past 5 years.
After each one she has said she never wants to go through it again
She hasn't waited to have sex for the 2 weeks your supposed to, to prevent infection the past two times, therefore risking getting pg again.

She phoned last week to say she thinks she may be pg again as she has been having unprotected sex since she came off the injection about six months ago.

I wanted to hang up on her I was so angry. She's an idiot and i cant be arsed with her anymore.

WIBU of me to try and drift away from her She's been such a twat I don't know if i can hold my tongue any longer. So its either say what i think and loose the friendship or try and distance myself and save the arguement.

For some women, abortion is serious in that is signifies deeper issues - lack of self esteem for instance. Whatever abortion means to someone, it is still a serious issue. There should be more support available to women having multiple abortions to establish the reasons.

having an abortion when you haven't bothered to prevent pregnancy in the first place is irresponsible

You think she is grotesquely irresponsible - and yet you think she should be a parent. That makes very little sense to me. Personally I think that your friend has chosen the most responsible course of action available to her in the circumstances.

And what do you recommend as an alternative, Fellatio?

I'd feel better if she just didn't talk to me about it and expect me to come with her to the clinic and so on then go on about how unsupportive i am when i dont want to.

Wow. Some epic judgery going on.

No, don't go to the clinic, say you don't want to talk about it this time or be involved. It's her drama, not yours.

She has no right to demand you are supportive for you when she isn't for you.

Are you serious hopkinette I recommend fucking BIRTH CONTROL!

hopkinette At no point in the thread have i expressed my desire for her to go through with any of the pregnancy's.

No hopkinette, no-one is saying that she should be forced to have the baby. That is the last thing I would suggest.

But it doesn't stop people feeling hugely uncomfortable that she is repeatedly starting a life and then ending it, as opposed to just you know...not starting it. how hard is that to understand?

Oh right - you're basing your argument on the perceived sanctity of life/"moment of conception" as beginning of personhood.

OP - have you talked to her about why she behaves the way she does? Abortions aside,she is playing Russian roulette with her sexual health. And she will know that deep down.

I don't think she has to be remorseful or wear a hair shirt as punishment and penance for having had multiple abortions. If she isn't emotionally tormented by them then that's a good thing,indicates she made the correct decision for her.

But unprotected sex with unsuitable men (big assumption on my part but I've never known a bloke be ok with it unless they actually a child) - happy people don't do that.

Not that being a bit promiscuous is an indication of unhappiness in and of itself.

*actually WANT a child.

So what if that is the basis of the argument? That's a perfectly fine view to hold, whether you or anyone else agrees with it or not.

"But it probably gives you a warm glow to speak of her as stupid and shameful, which will keep you nice and cosy on the moral high ground."
I don't think this is where the OP is coming from. Let's take abortion out of the scenario. Let's pretend that we're talking about car crashes instead. OP's friend doesn't wear a seatbelt and drives whilst drunk. She's crashed her car twice. Each time she has expected (and got) tea and sympathy from the OP. OP is then in a crash, been shaken by it, and the friend has been dismissive of her upset. Then, after a third crash, 'friend' comes round looking for more tea and sympathy.

With THAT scenario, I'd imagine a goodly proportion of us would be suggesting OP tells this woman to go leech on somebody else. OP is angry; not at the abortions, but at the double-standards of her friend. She's maybe feeling a little foolish at being taken for a mug by this 'friend'. She's definitely realising that the support only flows one way, and that this friendship, of twelve years standing (and therefore from the age of 14 to 26), is not what she thought it was. She is probably feeling the loss. Hence the anger, as a way of coping.

The 'friend' is rather self-destructive IMO. As has already been pointed out, pregnancy is one of the milder risks this woman is taking. She has her own issues, but the OP should feel able to step back and not be her crutch.

The OP asked "WIBU of me to try and drift away from her". No, absolutely not. YWouldNBU.

That's a perfectly fine view to hold, whether you or anyone else agrees with it or not.

I think it's flawed personally but in the end I don't care. As long as all they can do is judge me, I'm not bothered.

That's fine for you to think it's flawed, I respectfully disagree but am not judging you, I am considering the op and appreciate why op may not feel able to continue with this friendship.

WhereYouLeftIt Thanks. I need you wherever I go to translate for me

I wasn't speaking of the op when I mentioned 'warm glow' but rather the couple of posters here who have expressed foul and misogynistic attitudes towards a woman they don't know and whose circumstances have been described in a few lines. I just think it's a shame they can't see beyond their judgmental noses.

hopkinette Are you saying you find nothing wrong with my friends behaviour?

Op - you have labelled this woman 'stupid' 'irresponsible' and not normal. So walk away. What do you need to justify not being friends with someone so awful?

Unless of course your real motive is to stir up some heat around the abortion debate.

Personally the thing I find most objectionable about her behaviour is the way she's using NHS resources. If it's true that she's not even trying to use contraception then theoretically she's costing the health service more than she might otherwise.
But in all honesty, I genuinely do not understand how anyone can claim that they don't object to abortion, but do object to someone having "too many" abortions. It's either ok or it's not, surely?

I don't think she has any right to expect you to accompany her to the clinic and she certainly has no right to guilt trip you about it if you decline.

Just wanted some perspective although the replies seem pretty skewed. I'm really not sure if iabu or not.

I agree with abortion as a last resort. Is that ok or not ?

No. I am not hopkinette. But at some point that life does start. At some point it stops being a collection of cells and starts being a living, breathing child who could survive outside the womb with help.

Therefore, if an abortion needs to be had, then better it is as early as possible. I have no issue with abortions per se. No issue whatsoever. I am completely pro-choice; I wish more women would have them - God knows enough people seem to make a hash of parenthood, or become parents at totally unsuitable times in their lives.

I have had one myself. I am not proud of it, neither am I ashamed, it was always a no-brainer for me, I was not traumatized by it, I don't regret it, I only regret that I was foolish enough to allow it to happen. I got sloppy, lazy, thought I was invincible, took one too many stupid chances and did not put my cap in because I thought the TOTM was ok. It wasn't.

I was lucky I found out very early. If it had been much later I might have felt guilty. If it had been very late I would have felt terrible. In fact I may not have been able to go through with it. I would have had a baby I knew deep down I didn't really want or choose to have. And I was not in a position to give a child a great start back then. It would have been so much less than I would have wished for my child.

That was a scary wake-up call, and I never took stupid chances again.

Abortion is something that should make a crap situation better. It does not mean that it is ok to repeatedly get yourself into totally uncalled for, entirely avoidable crap situations though. That goes for many things in life, not just PG.

YANBU for not wanting to be her friend because you don't like a big thing about her and you find her unsupportive when you are having difficulties.

If you aren't sure that you do want to be her friend, then you probably shouldn't be her friend.