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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be mad with my friend and want to end our friendship altogether ?

233 replies

thingsthatrhymewithorange · 26/12/2012 14:27

My friend has had three terminations in the past 5 years.
After each one she has said she never wants to go through it again
She hasn't waited to have sex for the 2 weeks your supposed to, to prevent infection the past two times, therefore risking getting pg again.

She phoned last week to say she thinks she may be pg again as she has been having unprotected sex since she came off the injection about six months ago.

I wanted to hang up on her I was so angry. She's an idiot and i cant be arsed with her anymore.

WIBU of me to try and drift away from her She's been such a twat I don't know if i can hold my tongue any longer. So its either say what i think and loose the friendship or try and distance myself and save the arguement.

OP posts:
CanAnybodyMakeSenseofThis · 26/12/2012 18:11

So, how many is a woman allowed?

chrismissymoomoomee · 26/12/2012 18:14

I agree with everything gordy says, I do think you are stirring a bit. Being pro choice means just that, not pro choice as long as its only one or two (or however many people deem acceptable) but you don't have to be friends with her, it doesn't sound like you are getting anything out of the friendship anyway so just move on.

FellatioNelson · 26/12/2012 18:23

One, can happen to anybody.

two, starting to border in careless

Three, and someone needs to have a stern word about sorting your priorities out.

somedayma · 26/12/2012 18:23

Why are YOU angry?! What's it got to do with you? Seriously am
I missing something?

FestiveElement · 26/12/2012 18:23

I couldn't be friends with someone like this. I couldn't even like someone like this. Its one thing to make a mistake and choose abortion as the best thing out of a bunch of bad options, and another to see it as a legitimate form of contraception.

I'd question a persons morals on other subjects if they think multiple abortions are an ok thing to do.

Spero · 26/12/2012 18:26

It's not necessarily a question that she cannot learn I.e. You think she is feckless, hence shameful and disgusting.

She probably understands full well - you would have to be pretty stupid not to. but can't you even be open to thinking that there may be other explanations as to why a women would repeatedly put herself at such risk?

But it probably gives you a warm glow to speak of her as stupid and shameful, which will keep you nice and cosy on the moral high ground.

hopkinette · 26/12/2012 18:27

I think it's sad that some women do not or cannot comprehend the gravity of abortion.

I don't think abortion is particularly grave. I do think bringing a child into the world that you don't really want and/or can't really provide for is pretty grave though.

Spero · 26/12/2012 18:30

Hopkinette - completely agree with you about the 'gravity' of abortion. The moment pro lifers start giving as much of a shit about the children alive now who are abused and who suffer, as they do about gametes,is the day I start listening to a word they say.

SnowProbs · 26/12/2012 18:33

Fellatio, your thinking is misogynistic and extremely nasty.

I have had three terminations. You honestly should not judge someone unless you are very, very sure as to their circumstances.

Alwaysasking · 26/12/2012 18:33

hopkinette I hope that isn't a reference to my own circumstances, as you have no idea what my circumstances were and are. The debate is endless (as I could suggest adoption to overcome the issue of being unable to provide for a child for instance) however it is sad some people don't take abortion more seriously. It should be a serious issue (and I for one believe it is).

SnowProbs · 26/12/2012 18:34

Oh and as to 'The gravity of abortion'...your opinion. To some of us, its a collection of cells and nothng to get all misty-eyed over.

hopkinette · 26/12/2012 18:35

I don't really understand what you mean by "taking abortion seriously." You seem to be implying that it should be accompanied by anguish and handwringing - why?

Spero · 26/12/2012 18:37

I had two abortions in my twenties. I understood about contraception. It would have been great t have a sympathetic friend to be worried about me and ask me to examine why I thought so little of myself at the time. Good thing I didn't bump into some of you here or you'd have had me in the stocks or made me walk through the town with a sign of shame on my back.

FellatioNelson · 26/12/2012 18:37

Except when it's a very late abortion, snow. Then it is sometimes only days away from being a baby that, in different circumstances, people would be spending hundreds of thousands of pounds and fighting tooth and nail to keep alive.

I am pro-choice. I am anti-irresponsibility.

hopkinette · 26/12/2012 18:38

I am pro-choice. I am anti-irresponsibility.

How is having an abortion irresponsible?

Original poster
thingsthatrhymewithorange · 26/12/2012 18:39

Iv'e known her for 12 years. No underlying problems. I know her situation and I know her stance on it so I can comment. It's not about being on the moral high ground because I judge her for using abortion as a contraceptive It's about being a normal person. There isn't always a reason why people do what they do, some are just stupid and don't care about consequences.

OP posts:
Spero · 26/12/2012 18:40

I have never had a moments regret or shame about my abortions. I do however regret that I put myself in that position. But it had nothing to do with my intelligence, understanding about contraception or fact I was shameless hussy.

It did however have a great deal to do with my low self esteem and acceptance of utter twats as partners.

SnowProbs · 26/12/2012 18:40

I age. It is one of the things that REALLY winds me up about the portrayal of abortion.

Yes, some women are seriously affected or traumatised by abortion and it haunts them forevermore. I sincerely feel for those who feel this way, it must be awful.

But of are plenty of us who see it as something unpleasant but necessary in the circumstances. That seems to offend some people? Thats tough, really. To me, I was fucking PISSED OFF when I got pregnant through contraception failure and relieved when I had the option of termination. I have had root canal and it was much worse. I am no more haunted by my abortions than I am by having my gallstones out.

There you go.

hopkinette · 26/12/2012 18:40

some are just stupid and don't care about consequences

What consequences?

Spero · 26/12/2012 18:40

Fine! Then bin her as a friend - why are you even asking??

SnowProbs · 26/12/2012 18:41

*agree

Original poster
thingsthatrhymewithorange · 26/12/2012 18:42

having an abortion when you haven't bothered to prevent pregnancy in the first place is irresponsible

OP posts:
JustFabulous · 26/12/2012 18:42

OP, is it the fact she moaned how hard the termination was but has gone on to need two more because she didn't bother with any contraception? You would maybe feel better if she had had a failure.

FellatioNelson · 26/12/2012 18:42

It isn't necessarily, hopkin. But sometimes having repeated, multiple abortions is a sign of irresponsibility, is it not? Where is the birth control?

Obviously there will be exceptions where there are very unusual unforeseen circumstances, medical reasons, etc, but as a general rule I would say that is is rather sloppy to need to do it three or more times.

Alisvolatpropiis · 26/12/2012 18:43

chrismissy that might be how you define being pro choice but it isn't how it is for everyone.

As uncomfortable with the actions this woman is taking as I am,when it came down to it,I would support her right to do it. I don't have to like what she is doing though and I don't. I support the right to free speech and don't necessarily like how people exercise that right by the same token.

She does need to take a long hard look at her behaviour though,pregnancy is not the worst thing unprotected sex can result in. There aren't a lot of options available to you if you get HIV for example.