Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell MIL off? I think I was and now feel a bit bad. sorry long.

197 replies

AutumnGlory · 26/12/2012 11:38

We were having a family out, trip to the theatre before Christmas. It was a long play of 2 hours with a 20 minutes break in the middle. Just before we go inside to find our seats I took dd (5) to the toilets and said to her she could have the left over of her juice during the interval so she can also go to the toilet again and she is not to have any drinks after she has been to the toilet and before we seat for the second part (Mil heard everything) So during the break MIL takes her to the toilet and just before the play starts again they come back with a large glass of slush. I (regretfully) say nothing and let dd drink it. When the play is coming to an end, just moments before the crucial best part, dd needs the toilet and MIL takes her but comes back when the curtains are down and dd just gets to see the whole cast there getting the applauses but not the End. When we go out I than tell dd that I'm going to the toilet and that is the right time to go, not during the play, MIL than interferes saying that it is what children do, and I say back: 'only when adults give them drinks when they are not supposed to'. Now I know I maybe over reacted and I wasn't gonna say anything to her if she didn't interfere in my conversation with dd, but we paid a lot of money for the tickets and we were looking forward to go, I didn't want dd to miss any single bit. I'm used to take her to theatre and ballet and we don't consume liquids just for the sake of it nor eat food that will make us thirsty when I know we are there to enjoy the show and will miss out if spending time going to toilets if it is not a break. But maybe I was too harsh?

OP posts:
seeker · 27/12/2012 15:01

"OP regardless of what many people have said on here, to have a drink with ice when you have a sore throat is just silly"

Why?

GreenPetal94 · 27/12/2012 15:09

Chill out (but don't buy any icecream!)

I think it doesn't matter. At least MIL was taking her to the loo, all the grandparents in this family would have left me to take the kids to the loo. Also I think it is nice she got bought a sneaky slushy. Its fun being spoilt by you grandparents. When my ds was about 4 my parents took him out to lunch and at the self service counter he only wanted chocolate cake. So my dad only bought him a huge piece of choclate cake for his main course. Both my boys have dined out on this story of their grandfather for years, which far outweighs one day's nutrition!

naturalbaby · 27/12/2012 15:18

I don't think you were BU about MIL buying a drink but you shouldn't have allowed her to drink it at the time so it's partly your fault she needed the loo during the Lion King.

I wouldn't blame all your issues on the fact that you're not British either. If your family and friends know you then they should accept you for who you are, not make excuses because you aren't British. You shouldn't have to try to be more British either just to please people. If they feel you are being rude and you haven't realised then they need to bring it up with you. You can't read their minds.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 27/12/2012 15:34

seeker because in my opinion (and I say this with a deep understanding and experience of sore throats) a warm drink soothes the throat far more than a cold one.
It's in my opinion only and I am agreeing with the OP in this regard.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 27/12/2012 15:35

When I say "deep understanding" I don't mean I'm a medical professional- just to clarify. I mean I've had throat problems all my life.

seeker · 27/12/2012 16:13

"seeker because in my opinion (and I say this with a deep understanding and experience of sore throats) a warm drink soothes the throat far more than a cold one.
It's in my opinion only and I am agreeing with the OP in this regard."

Your opinion- but any other opinion is "just silly". Hmm

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding · 27/12/2012 16:19

No matter what way people look at any of it, the drink & the hoops alike were a treat from a granny.
Little kids rarely sit or want to sit through a whole production anyway so i wouldn't worry about a one of treat your child enjoys.
Life could be worse you could have a mil like mine, toxic, selfish and spends money on other gc but not my dc.

Almostfifty · 27/12/2012 16:29

An icy drink is much more likely to send you to the toilet quicker IMO.

I would have been furious too.

Original poster
AutumnGlory · 27/12/2012 16:46

My country is in South America, I won't say which one. I used my phone and tablet at PILs and so did everyone else so if I was rude so were they. They do it when they come to mine a part that they don't bring their own and ask to use our personal computers (laptops before we had Ipads). However I came back earlier because I needed to work from boxing day (dh and dd stayed behind doing whatever they wanted) and I didn't start the thread in their house. We went to the show on the 22nd and we spent Christmas Eve (we went to the cinema) and Christmas day, whitout no problems or trouble at all a part from the Stylus which wasn't a big deal despite I know people here don't believe and I chose to ignore Mil anyway so it worked. I will relax more around them, be more careful with all I say and use all the other tips.

OP posts:
Flatbread · 27/12/2012 16:57

Autumn,

There is nothing wrong with being online when visiting. Most people are surgically grafted to their iPhones anyway Grin

Can't say anything about the theatre and whether YWBU, but defo agree on the spaghetti hoops. That stuff is vile. I gave it to my dogs as an emergency when we were traveling and they didn't finish it.

I am not the most diplomatic person myself, and am trying...but at the end of the day it is not a big deal. Don't beat yourself about it Smile

Floggingmolly · 27/12/2012 17:16

Your dd and mil missed the final 5 minutes of the show, you didn't.

You didn't even mention that your dd appeared to be upset at this; why are you still wound up so tightly about it?
You do sound horribly controlling - you cannot legislate when people drink and when they need the loo; the two are not even necessarily as closely correlated as you seem to imagine. Try to accept that some things will always be outside your control, when your dd (and everybody else) needs the loo is one of them.

Original poster
AutumnGlory · 27/12/2012 18:09

I am not trying to control how much other people drink and how many times they go to the loo. I never said anything to them. However I do try to control my dd's drink intake when we go to the theatre and YES she usually DO have an ice cream in there. She has been going to the theatre with me for a long time now, she does enjoy it, she sits and concentrate, she doesn't need to walk and stretch her legs during the show. She missed the end, I was upset, she wasn't. I didn't want her to miss the end but I understand she needed to pee. I didn't have a go at her I did at MIL, 1st because she undermined me and what I was trying to do 2nd because she interfered in my conversation with dd. She knew exactly why I was control ong the drinks but she probably thought tat because SHE was the one taking to the toilet I wasn't going to be upset BUT the point is about creating good habits because at the end of the day the main reason we were there on the 1st place was to see the show not to drink slush. I don't control and micro manage my dd's life so much like people here are trying to say but I do care to instill good habits. When I posted here that dd spent the night at granny's and granny said she let dd NOT brush her teeth because dd didn't like the toothpaste (bollocks it was a kids one and she was pushing boundaries) I was told I was BU, one day without brushing wouldn't hurt and it was my fault I didn't give DD a wash bag (even tough MIL said there was no need as she had everything ready for dd)

OP posts:
propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 27/12/2012 18:47

Yanbu.

MerylStrop · 27/12/2012 22:32

You really are getting into a stew about this

Your MIL sounds normal, not weird or unkind or deliberately undermining. She's not going to look after your DD exactly the way that you do, try to find a bit of acceptance or you risk creating a problem where none need exist.

FromEsme · 27/12/2012 22:44

OP, my gran fed me on a diet of Crispy Pancakes, Potato Waffles and tuna with sweetcorn. All from tins/the freezer, some of my happiest memories are sitting at her house eating with her.

I'm sure she could have rustled up some homely fare if she'd really wanted to, but she wasn't interested in cooking. Preparing homemade food isn't some sort of barometer of worth, you know.

You sound really controlling. I'm a bit of a control freak too, but I do try to let other people get on with what they want to get on with. Your daughter will benefit from both styles of parenting, from you and from her granny.

trapclap · 28/12/2012 09:22

None of what you have talked about, has anything to do with being British or nor British

Original poster
AutumnGlory · 28/12/2012 10:07

Well, what I tried to explain is that people who where born and bred in Britain have a different way of saying things, specially when it is to do with a sensitive subject. People who were born in my country are much more raw, blunt, even rude. So what I'm trying to say is I could have said the same thing in an non "offensive" way....what I said and the way I said would not offend anyone in my country and if they had a problem with what was said they would certainly say something back which would lead to a conversation about the whole issue and the air would be clear there and than. Also my understanding of no iced drinks or ice cream when someone has a cold comes from the fact I wasn't born and brad here. However I am now a British citizen but I came to Britain when I was nearly 30. As we say in my country : "it is hard for old monkeys to learn new tricks"

OP posts:
seeker · 28/12/2012 13:28

My brother lived for many years in another country and his wife comes from there. They both have sometimes to be reminded that British people have a lower tolerance of bluntness than people from that country.

However,ncoming from a different country isn't an expanqtion for not understanding how kidneys work, or believing bonkers things about cold drinks being bad for people with colds.

neighbourhoodwitch · 28/12/2012 13:59

I completely agree with you Autumn. Please try not to feel bad - you stood up for yourself and hopefully the MIL will learn.

mumagain33 · 28/12/2012 14:09

YANBU the point here was that you had stated ur dd was not to have the drink PERIOD. It doesnt matter what it was over, u had made a decision and MIL had undermimed it. I would feel exactly the same. Your word goes first no one elses. Dont apologise!! she should be apologising to you! stand firm and protect ur beliefs x

HisstletoeAndWhine · 28/12/2012 14:13

I lived in Brazil. The no iced drinks/iced anything when you have a cold is not bonkers, it's common knowledge, and everyone knows that you just don't do that when you're sick, or you'll get worse.

I don't think OP comes from Brazil, so that'd be at least 2 populous nations that'd know not to drink/eat iced things when .you have a cold. So perhaps the entire continent knows it? Millions of people, hundreds of millions of people that believe the same, for good reason.

We have the right to insist that our wishes wrt our children are observed. OP's MIL has form for ignoring her wishes, riding rough shod over what has been clearly stated.

You have done nothing wrong OP, trust your instincts on this, and in stead of apologising, next time remind her strongly that there will be no repeat of her ignoring your wishes, and that if she buys a drink/popcorn/anything against your say so, she will have to understand that DD will not be eating/drinking it and it'll go in the bin.

This is a power play. She has no right to challenge you.

FromEsme · 28/12/2012 14:20

HisstletoeAndWine just because a lot of people believe something doesn't make it true.

FromEsme · 28/12/2012 14:21

For example, in South Korea, people believe that sleeping in a room with an electric fan in will eventually kill you. I have heard this from various Korean people who were shocked that anyone in the UK would dare to chance such a foolhardy thing.

HisstletoeAndWhine · 28/12/2012 14:29

If the OP doesn't want her DD eating or drinking something and states it, or if she didn't want her sleeping in a room with a fan, that is STILL her prerogative.

mumagain33 · 28/12/2012 14:30

AND i dont think you are being a control freak at all, my MIL constantly chips away trying to under mine me untill i eventually snap and then it seems I'M the control freak when its actually them still fighting to be head of there sons and grandkids. If any of my children had a cold they would CERTAINLY NOT be allowed an ice drink, the body is doing its best to fight the virus with out actually having to warm it self up from a bloody ice drink... come on people- a little common sence here.Also i limited the amount of fluid intake to my dd when she was little..before bed..long journeys. AND YES i would have wanted her to see the grand fanale ! dont take the MIL again. The MIL wanted to please her self now one else. URGH make my blood boil!