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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell MIL off? I think I was and now feel a bit bad. sorry long.

197 replies

AutumnGlory · 26/12/2012 11:38

We were having a family out, trip to the theatre before Christmas. It was a long play of 2 hours with a 20 minutes break in the middle. Just before we go inside to find our seats I took dd (5) to the toilets and said to her she could have the left over of her juice during the interval so she can also go to the toilet again and she is not to have any drinks after she has been to the toilet and before we seat for the second part (Mil heard everything) So during the break MIL takes her to the toilet and just before the play starts again they come back with a large glass of slush. I (regretfully) say nothing and let dd drink it. When the play is coming to an end, just moments before the crucial best part, dd needs the toilet and MIL takes her but comes back when the curtains are down and dd just gets to see the whole cast there getting the applauses but not the End. When we go out I than tell dd that I'm going to the toilet and that is the right time to go, not during the play, MIL than interferes saying that it is what children do, and I say back: 'only when adults give them drinks when they are not supposed to'. Now I know I maybe over reacted and I wasn't gonna say anything to her if she didn't interfere in my conversation with dd, but we paid a lot of money for the tickets and we were looking forward to go, I didn't want dd to miss any single bit. I'm used to take her to theatre and ballet and we don't consume liquids just for the sake of it nor eat food that will make us thirsty when I know we are there to enjoy the show and will miss out if spending time going to toilets if it is not a break. But maybe I was too harsh?

OP posts:
HelpOneAnother · 27/12/2012 01:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IneedAsockamnesty · 27/12/2012 01:05

I think you pay far to much attention to other people going to the loo.

MollyMurphy · 27/12/2012 01:06

YANBU - limiting drinks during a play makes logical sense and your MIL ignored your direction. it's OPs kid - she sets the rules....that's hardly dictatorial and joyless FFS.

I'd drop it OP - especially if she is frequently interfering. water under the bridge

Original poster
AutumnGlory · 27/12/2012 01:11

I don't have obsession with people toilets habits I just get annoyed with people being so stupid that they drink too much before/during a play/cinema/whatever and have to get up, inconvenience other people, and also miss parts of what they were supposed to be watching. I don't understand this behaviour. But I don't go judging random people but the ones in my party.

OP posts:
TheBuskersDog · 27/12/2012 01:13

Do you have chance to enjoy shows/films yourself or are you too busy making notes on everybody's fluid intake and output?

trapclap · 27/12/2012 01:18

Dairy products increase mucous production, which is the reason for no ice cream with a cold

I think probably YANBU as MiL over-rode what you said. But Jesus Christ, lighten up

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 27/12/2012 01:20

Well FWIW my MIL would never buy or give a treat - slushy, chocolate, Coke, ice cream, whatever - without asking me or DH first. And definitely not after overhearing your very sensible instructions / discussion with your DD.

I'd be fuming (internally) too, so YANBU, but honestly I don't know what I would do if it ever actually happened! Probably keep my mouth shut TBH.

IneedAsockamnesty · 27/12/2012 01:20

Good grief, get a grip.

Unless they are pissing on the seat its there choice as to when they do.

zippey · 27/12/2012 01:21

Its great you are being given various opions. They are all valid, and its up to you which line you take.

For me, I would want tostop any bad feeling, particularly if it was such a trivial issue.

If its something which has been brewing for a while, with other issues, then it might be something you need to have a proper adult talk about.

Original poster
AutumnGlory · 27/12/2012 01:25

Give your opinion on this: we are at PILs and my stylus gone missing. After I look everywhere where I had been with my tablet I give up and feel very confused as I'm very careful and never lose anything. I suspect DD has taken it even though she knows well she isn't allowed to play with it and never took it before. But she is sleeping in Sil's bedroom. Following morning I ask DD (in a nice way/no accusation/ not cross)if she has seen it somewhere/taken it and she convinces me she didn't (she can be a good liar) so SIL asks me what I'm looking for and she says she knows where it is and goes and gets it. I ask where it was and she says she found on her bedroom floor next to dd's toys and she put somewhere safe because she didn't knew whose it belonged to. So I ask dd if she took it to SIL's bedroom and he lied? (Asked very nicely indeed)and than MIL's jump in before dd replied and says: oh dd you just forgot you took it didn't you? I than ignore MIL and keep telling DD not to take/touch she is not allowed and not to lie blablabla, but I wasn't telling off just having a conversation. I think she is a nice person and a wonderful granny but she should stop interfering so much. There are times when she has DD on own so she should use these opportunities to play mummy again, not when I'm actually there...

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 27/12/2012 01:29

That would piss me off as well as would the drink thing, the get a grip was because you get cross at adults for deciding how much to drink and how often to pee.

Original poster
AutumnGlory · 27/12/2012 01:40

Well I guess I just need to be more tactful. It is hard for me because where I come from people are very direct and straightforward when talking to each other. I struggle to play with the words here or to keep my thoughts/ feelings to myself and I get into 'trouble' sometimes because of this. Would be better if I replied to MIL something like: 'Well, I know that is what children do and that is why I was trying to limit the drinks for dd but never mind, it was a lovely show and Dd missing the end is not such a big deal isn't it?'. Or would it be even more rude/un necessary/ passive aggressive/? I just don't ever know how to deal with all the Englishness (don't mean to offend anyone) even though I have been here for 7 years.

OP posts:
Original poster
AutumnGlory · 27/12/2012 01:44

Oh and I do get annoyed with people (when they are with me) for drinking to much before show/cinema and going to pee but I don't say nothing to them. I didn't say nothing to Dh. But internally I do get annoyed, can't help it. Yet.

OP posts:
trapclap · 27/12/2012 01:47

Well the point is, its not really a big deal, is it? Confused

Dd had a drink, went to the toilet, missed 5 minutes of show. She's 5!! She probably really enjoyed spending time with her granny though...

Original poster
AutumnGlory · 27/12/2012 01:54

Clearly missing 5 minutes or even the end of a play / show is not a big deal for a lot of people but it is for me. And wasn't even I who missed it. I must be a bit freak. At least when cinema/theatre/plays/shows are concerned...

OP posts:
Original poster
AutumnGlory · 27/12/2012 01:55

I would rather go dry than miss one tiny little bit.

OP posts:
trapclap · 27/12/2012 01:56

It might be a big deal for you, but was your dd upset by it?

Original poster
AutumnGlory · 27/12/2012 01:58

I don't think I would be so annoyed hadn't she undermined me tbh. So in this case I won't apologise. It is not like we are not speaking or anything, everything is normal but this has been playing on my mind for some reason.

OP posts:
MollyMurphy · 27/12/2012 02:00

so many on Mumsnet are quick to call people "controlling" or "precious" or whatnot but honestly in RL would anyone be happy to give their child a direction then have it ignored by someone else? doubtful.

Original poster
AutumnGlory · 27/12/2012 02:01

Dd was asking me how was the end, I tried to explain but how do you expain Lion King? I mean you can explain how it ends, but seeing with your onw eyes is what matters. Oh well we will need to go again sometime.

OP posts:
trapclap · 27/12/2012 02:07

Now and again by a close relative, for small things molly..does it really matter?? Does everyone always obey you? Grin

trapclap · 27/12/2012 02:14

OR, if this is really an important issue for you...did you explain to MiL your reasons why and how important it is to you that dd doesn't go to the toilet during the show?

MollyMurphy · 27/12/2012 02:30

No, but I don't think the OP is a control freak who is obsessed with people's urinating habits just cause she got annoyed and said so that's all. hardly the end of the world, but I empathize that it was irritating

Original poster
AutumnGlory · 27/12/2012 02:44

Yep. I did explain to MIL. She knew it.

OP posts:
bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 27/12/2012 02:52

Oh my.

Your mil shouldn't have undermined you. But honestly I think its quite mean to tell a poorly child they can't have drinks for that long.

And you could have said something when she brought the slush back.

I think you have issues when it cones to people going to the toilet. Its none of your business, even if they are with you.