ABIU to want to stab vulgar fry up loving in-laws?

[Daisyduckling]

Basically apologies for a huge rant, but it's either this or DH's mother is kicked out of the house in the middle of the night.

MIL and FIL have always made it clear they despise me and my family, but somehow because they want to "protect," DH and my children from me, and they nomally live a ( healthy,) distance away, it has become a tradition that starting xmas eve, they will stay a week to ten days with the family to spend the "christmas season," with us. They never ask if it is a problem,just phone DH, to tell him what time he will need to pick them up from the statio. However it is problem for me, and issues arising today have particuarly wound me up. In no particular order:

1. DH and i have no problem with smokers, however ask people to smoke in the garden if they are staying in the house. MIL is used to smoking inside, and will always try and light up when i'm not looking, ( e.g. in another room cooking xmas dinner.) Today arguement started when i found out she asked dd (9,) to stand guard outside the living room to stop me coming in and interupting her fag. I feel asking children to keep secrets, totally undermines me as a parent, but she thinks it is funny and DH thinks it is annoying, but not a serious problem. I am furious. I have explained to her that my sister who is having xmas dinner here has asthma, but she assures me that shes sure it's, "made up."

2. Expects a cooked breakfast everyday of her stay, and was very grumpy with me when i told her i did not want to cook a full english on xmas day as we'd be eating a big meal i a few hours. Cooked scrambled eggs with DD and she refused to eat these out of spite, even though DD had been really excited about cooking nanny a special breakfast on Xmas morning. ( And shes already told me she likes scrambled eggs.) Moaned all morning about being starving despite alternatives of toast/ cereal being offered. Generally weird attitude to food, refuses any fruit or vegetables, also has an addiction to coke and dh has been made to stock up whilst she's here. Ignores any requests of mine not to offer glasses of coke on a daily basis to children. Also expresses astonishment that i'm not feeding DH properly, ( he is normal BMI, her and FIL are unsuprisingly very obese.) Again DD is also given "secret," glasses of coke each day on previous visits without my knowledge, looks set to continue this year.

3. Mil must watch what she wants to watch on telly at all times, especially on xmas day. My parents like to buy a family DVD and watch it together as a family each year, this year they brought Hairspray. DD was happily watching it with my parents, MIL asked to watch corrie at about half 7, I said she could watch the repeat with me later, ( I'm also an avid soap watcher, practically only thing we have in common,) but response was not good enough and she then had a large loud convo with FIL to ruin the rest of the film, asking every 10 minutes if we could stop watching this crap and put corrie on. This is why she gets the remote to herself for whole stay normally.

4. is just so rude and vulgar all the time. Pretended to vomit up my xmas dinner back on to her plate as an illustration of how "disgusting dinner was." ( I'd accidently given her a plate with veg on.) Also encouraged kids to do the same. FIL also talks about their sex life non stop in front of my whole extended family. I think this is gross.

I am crying about spending another 10 days like this, DH whilst not impressed with this still seems to feel the kids benifit from the visit.

AIBU to make this the last visit? Just want some support from DH :(

This makes me appreciate my wonderful in laws more and more. My MIL got me a sarovsky necklace for Christmas and sees me as like a daughter. They are nothing but respectful

If your DH was so worried about the meeting taking place whilst his parents were drunk then he should have told them himself at the meal before they got to that level.His vile parents are not your fucking problem! How dare he blame you?
I'm sorry OP but he sounds like a prick. This should be the last contact you and DD ever have with your inlaws. Period. You also need to change your attitude towards DH. He is not behaving in an acceptable way either.

Wow, puts my family into perspective.

The good news is they have behaved so irredeemably that you never have to see them again, and after MIL's disgusting comment about hospitalising you, you can refue to ever let her see your daughter again. Best Christmas gift ever!

OMG how vile. I think you should be having serious words with your DH as he really needs to grow a pair. He should have told them long ago that their behaviour is not on.

I'm afraid i'd go further than just having a chat. I'd take screen shots of facebook messages and suggest that your neice do the same What she is posting on facebook to your neice is actually a criminal offence. Your neice is a child and should not be getting these sorts of messages sent to her. If it was a random person posting such things, people would be straight down to the police to report them.

My, but your husband is his parent' son, isn't he?

What exactly will it take for him to stop bleating 'well you know what they're like' and totally dismissing not just your distress but the distress of his daughter?

Really, he thinks a NINE YEAR OLD can rationalise her grandmother telling her that if her mother "wasn't married to daddy, she'd beat me up so much she'd put me in hospital." Is he brain-deficient? Or just completely lacking in empathy. Or (my guess) just so completely in denial that the parents he moved away from, aged just sixteen (quick query OP - where did he move to? What kind of set-up?), are toxic fucks who should be avoided at all costs?

He is either being a complete arse here or a frightened child. Either way, it means he gets no say in future contact between this grotesque couple, and yourself and DD. Completely your call. They never get over your doorstep again, and if he doesn't like it, tough. He frankly needs some professional help to disentangle his responses to their behaviour and find a better way of dealing with them than passive acceptance. For his sake as well as yours and your daughters'.

DH is sure DD will get over that as "she should know what her nannys like by now and only has to see her a few times a year."

Would never see her again if I had anything to do with it! Does your DH seriously think you will ever want you or your DC to have any more contact with these loathsome people?

Thing is, your DH has grown up with this, this is his normal. This is what he expects them to behave like - 'normal' people will not expect grandparents to act like this - but he's been raised with a warped sense on 'normal'. As you said, he left home at 16 and was ashamed of them, but has never expected "more" from them. You expect decent behaviour because everyone else in your life behaves in a decent way.

He won't see how bad it is because he's taken the choice to keep them in his life so has been accepting that they are 'different' the idea that they can control their ability to be 'different' or 'normal', that it's their choice to be like this probably hasn't occurred to him. It's not "how they are" it's "how they decide to act". Because he can't control their behaviour doesn't mean they can't and he can tell them how htey have to behave in his house (insulting his wife is unacceptable), if they do'nt want to act like that, they can leave. Even if they've only been there a few minutes.

Oh, and if your MIL is known to be an aggressive drunk, I would add to the list, she isn't allowed to drink in your house, and state why.

Show your dh this thread. He needs to wake up and realise that his priorities are with you and dd and not these vile obnoxious breasts.

If my fil had made that threesome comment I honestly think my dh would have put him in hospital (dh is NOT a violent man). And as for mil comment to your dd- that is beyond the pale.

Yes to blocking the lot of them on FB but only after you've taken screen shots. And as far as I am concerned that would be it I would never ever welcome them again and the only way I would let dd see them is if I could trust dh to leave as soon as they said anything against you to her. Because what they said to her is abuse, plain and simply.

on the plus side, you never have to see these arse holes again.

And your DD shouldn't have to 'get over it' - MIL should be apologising to DD. Your DD should be able to expect decent behaviour from her grandmother. If Nanny choses do act like that, you will choose to keep the DCs away from her.

vile obnoxious breasts.

Classic.

Great news that the situation is resolved, for now at least. The only advice I would offer you is to rememeber that they are still DH's family, and he only has one mum and one dad, so do try and stay respectful. It will hurt him otherwise. And they are also still part of your extended family.

Also try and stay classy, and dont rise to the bait, handle yourself with decorum and avoid saying things like you hope they get AIDS etc. If they vote BNP they will have some kind of mental defficiency so you could even say its not entirely their fault they are the way they are. Choose how you wish to react, sticks and stones etc.

Hope all goes well, and I think you have handled yourself great so far.

Good on you to keep your ground.

Not sure it mattered at all that they were drunk.

They sounded vile and obnoxious even during the day.

I hope your OH can see how awful they have been, particularly in relation to you and towards your DD too.
But, he should also realise that they were utterly vile towards him too. They treated HIS wife, children and house with no respect at all.
That shows how they feel towards him too.

OMG they just get worse if that's possible! After your MIL's outburst to your DD that she'd like to put you in hospital and her disgusting comments on FB to your neice who is still a CHILD too, she shouldnt be allowed near and child ever again.

As others have said don't let anyone push you into allowing these revolting wankers back into your home ever again. I'd even be tempted to upload the pics to FB and tag your MIL in them of the vile mess they left behind. Before your HUSBAND clears up said mess.

Your husband is a spineless twonk. I felt a bit sorry for him before, he's probably been conditioned into believing his parents who be accepted for "who they are" but imo there comes a time when I believe people treat you like shit because you let them. He's letting them get away with their appalling behaviour so ofcourse they wont change!

Honestly if this was me, I'd start to feel like he either stops seeing his wife and kids being treated like shit and thinking its ok or he fucks the fuck off too. Anyone (man or woman) who can stand by and allow their partner to treated like this deserves no respect whatsoever.

Bloody dyac :o

"The only advice I would offer you is to rememeber that they are still DH's family, and he only has one mum and one dad, so do try and stay respectful."
Seriously, zippey? OP is DH's family (the closest - his legal next of kin) and he has only one wife, and they feel no need to stay respectful towards her - quite the opposite.

And as for "sticks and stones etc." - words can wound far deeper and far more permanently than physical damage. A physical injury never makes you doubt yourself, never wears you down in the way I imagine OP's DH has been conditioned by this pair. And they have been using their poisonous words against OP for over a decade now. Enough.

Zippey the disgusting vile MIL said "I hope you get AIDS" to the OP's 14 year old neice the OP did not say that to anyone! (unless I missed that!)

at this thread!

Zippy are you for real

Rofl at those vile obnoxious breasts. Blimy never though breasts could be that bad

Also the classy comment? I don't think it matters how "classy" the OP behaves, she still wont be classless as her shitty MIL!

I would never allow them near my kids again. Any man who thinks its ok for someone to speak so nastily to ter dd abut their mother is not worth it. I would seriously look at your relationship op

It sounds as if your DH avoided them as a child and now wants to create something he never had - a close famly unit where granny comes to stay and everyone is happy etc.

He probably can't see them as you can. So you make the decisions.

I believe harassment is 'a course of conduct causing alarm and distress'.
If they go in for any further abuse or threats then you might want to consider going to the police with screen grabs and making a statement if it escalates.

I'd just blank and block them now and for ever more. They are not giving your family anything positive, only the opposite. They have no rights to see their GC and they are a menace.

Sounds like a good end except for your dh. I hope he realises what they're really like soon? He's wearing blinkers. Your poor dd that would be the last straw if my parent said such a thing.

Jesus . Have just read the whole of this thread with my jaw on the floor .

What is it going to take for your DH to stand up for his family ? And for the DH , if you ever get to read this , your family is your DW , and Dc's . Not the people you haven't lived with since 16 , but allow to abuse ( and it IS abuse ) your allegedly nearest and dearest .

He needs to support you properly . Not whinge in some half assed fashion that its what they're like. They certainly would be erased from my life and that of my dc's without a first thought . And if he can't work out what he should be doing , he'd be following shortly after .